US Regulatory Clarity Archives - Cryptobro Magazine

A illustration of an empty room with a giant AI robot sitting on a desk surrounded by fake screens displaying cryptocurrency charts, while two figures (representing investors) are shown walking away in shock and disappointment; one figure is holding a 'Wanted' poster with the words 'AI Washing' scribbled on it.

You Won’t Believe the Shocking Role AI Played in Crypto Heist of Century

Fake news, fake profits: another crypto scam exposed.

Kevin Nelson October 11, 2024

A wanted poster with a gold rush theme: an outlaw (Josip Heit) is on the run from five state sheriffs (Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Georgia, and Texas), leaving behind a trail of unregistered securities sales tied to digital assets; in the background, people are shown digging up refunds like treasure

You Won’t Believe the Shocking Truth About America’s Wild West of Cryptocurrency – 5 Entire States Just Got Played by a Single Company!

Well isn't this just peachy? Five US States Settle With GSB Group Over Unregistered Crypto Sales... because who needs actual regulations, right?.

Doug Martinez September 16, 2024

A comic illustration of a 200-year-old dictionary being held accountable by a modern-day SEC official for unclear definitions leading to token securitization fiasco.

Crypto News

SEC Blames Us, Not Their 200-Year-Old Dictionary for Token Securitization Fiasco

SEC 'regrets any confusion' from dubbing tokens as securities: filing? More like SEC regrets getting caught red-handed for being a bunch of bureaucratic buffoons who can't […]

Kevin Nelson September 16, 2024

An illustration of a magician's top hat overflowing with coins and jewels, but also containing empty space where some items seem to have vanished into thin air; next to it is an image of a scale balancing the weight of assets against liabilities.

Altcoins

FTX Tries to Pull Off Most Epic Magic Trick in History and Turn Nothing Into Something (Literally)

So FTX thinks it can just magically make its crypto assets into legitimate securities and get away with paying off creditors? Please, folks, this is like […]

Sam Rogers September 9, 2024

An illustration of a judge's gavel striking down a stack of papers labeled with cryptic symbols, while in the background a clock ticks away and a pair of scales balance out 'Hodl Law' on one side against an empty space marked by question marks. A faint image of a blockchain pattern is visible beneath the scales.

News

BREAKING: Crypto Firm Loses Bet, Still Can’t Figure Out Why They Don’t Get to Make Up Their Own Rules

Well, isn't this just peachy? Another crypto firm gets its hopes dashed by a US appeals court for trying to strong-arm the SEC into clarifying Ether's […]

Linda Williams August 25, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin ETFs Soar to New Heights While Ethereum Gets Left in the Dust With 77% Less Cash Flooding In

Well well well! Look at that - US bitcoin ETFs just can't get enough of each other's company (and by extension, their own inflated value). Meanwhile, […]

Sam Rogers August 22, 2024

An illustration of a sinking ship at sea on fire and losing cargo boxes into the water below while nearby ships are sailing away from it; one is seen with an arrow pointing upwards indicating rising investment flows. The background has dark stormy clouds, contrasting with bright sunlight shining through in the distance where calm waters meet clear blue skies. A faint outline of a lighthouse can be made out on the horizon. In the foreground, flames engulf parts of the ship's deck and smoke billows into the air as it continues to list heavily to one side.

Bitcoin

ETF Investors Discover It Takes 5 Whole Days for Funds to Abandon Sinking Ship

The crypto-love is strong this week! It seems like everyone and their grandma has decided that Ethereum ETFs are a great way to lose money - […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration: A judge sits at a desk with papers scattered around them; they hold up their hand to halt the flow of money pouring from one side of the room (labelled 'Employer') towards another (labelled 'Employee'); in the background, coins and banknotes are replaced by cryptocurrency symbols floating upwards. The scene is set against a cityscape at sunset with skyscrapers representing Dubai's skyline; people walk through streets below as they go about their daily business while looking up to see what’s happening above them.

Altcoins

Dubai Court Suddenly Realizes Crypto Isn’t Actually Made of Unicorn Tears and Decides It Can Be Used for Normal Things Like Paying People

It's about time Dubai caught up with the rest of us who think cryptocurrency is a scam! Who needs to be paid in crypto when it’s […]

Doug Martinez August 20, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon crypto trading and lending platform (Abra) with an alarm clock ringing in front of it. The platform is shown as crumbling down into pieces while a red "Collapse Imminent" sign appears above the scene, amidst falling coins and dollar signs. In the background, people are running away from the collapsing structure, looking worried or panicked. A few investors can be seen holding their heads in despair, surrounded by scattered papers with numbers on them. The atmosphere is chaotic and tense, conveying a sense of urgency and warning to withdraw funds immediately.

Crypto News

Abra’s Collapse Imminent Because You Clearly Should Have Known Better

Oh boy, another crypto scam bites the dust. Who's surprised? Not me! I mean come on folks, it was only a matter of time before these […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of Kamala Harris standing in front of an American flag with chains and locks wrapped around it; she is surrounded by three broken bank vaults, each labeled 'Silicon Valley Bank', 'Silvergate' and 'Signature'; a large hammer lies at her feet next to a pile of rubble. In the background, two figures are seen walking away from the scene carrying briefcases marked with economic policy documents. The overall atmosphere is dark and ominous. A faint image of an X post can be seen on one side of the illustration.

Bitcoin

Kamala Harris Announces Plan to Destroy Your Life and Ruin the Entire Economy With Her Crushing Crypto Crackdown

I'm not surprised that Kamala Harris is doubling down on Biden's anti-crypto policies - it just goes to show what a bunch of out-of-touch, crypto-hating elitists […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting a chaotic, crumbling cityscape at dusk; buildings are on fire while smoke billows into the sky amidst falling debris. A giant clock tower stands central to this scene but is cracked and broken with its hands frozen in time just before midnight. In front of it lies an open book torn apart by flames as papers scatter around like autumn leaves, some caught aflame themselves. The ground beneath is littered with scattered coins from various countries including Turkey's lira alongside foreign currencies such as the US dollar and euro;

Altcoins

Turkey Is a Hot Mess Waiting to Happen and So Are You if 47 Companies Decide to Operate There Under New Crypto Regulations

Crypto, always a hot mess waiting to happen! You'd think that after all the scams, crashes and general chaos it's caused over the years, people would […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant roulette wheel spinning out of control on top of Moscow Exchange building with money flying everywhere and people running away from it while St Petersburg Exchange building stands nearby looking calm, as if ready to handle the chaos. The scene is set at night under bright moonlight with stars shining in the sky above. In the foreground, there are scattered banknotes and coins amidst broken glass and debris. A faint image of a cryptocurrency symbol can be seen on one of the flying money pieces.

Crypto News

Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location

Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an American flag with its stripes torn apart by two opposing winds labeled 'Trump' on one side and 'Biden' on the other; in the background, dollar signs are swirling around each other as they fall from above. A large Beanie Baby is seen floating near the top left corner while a 401k box at the bottom right has its contents spilling out into chaos. The flag's colors have faded to indicate decline and instability. In the center of the illustration lies an empty space with dollar signs scattered around it, symbolizing uncertainty in economic trends.

Crypto News

Analysts Predict US Dollar Trends Amid Biden Withdrawal and Trump Lead Will Unleash a Maelstrom of Fiscal Chaos That’ll Make Your Grandma’s 401k Invest in Beanie Babies Again

The US dollar is on shaky ground as President Biden's withdrawal from re-election has sent shockwaves through financial markets. Analysts are predicting a further decline in […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

Crypto News

Coinbase’s Existential Crisis: SEC Refuses to Give Them Permission to Not Get Shut Down Yet

The world is still waiting with bated breath as Coinbase continues to beg the SEC for rules that don't exist yet because they're too scared of […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

Crypto News

Uniswap Unleashes Frenzied Dance of Regulatory Dodgeball, Because Who Needs Rules When You’ve Got Code

The endless saga of Uniswap trying to outsmart regulators continues! Like a bad penny, this decentralized finance (defi) darling keeps turning up with its claims about […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a person standing on top of a mountain range with their arms outstretched towards the sky as they hold up a lantern. In the background is an image of a cityscape at night with skyscrapers and buildings lit up in shades of blue and purple, while below them are dark shadows representing corruption and crime. The mountainside behind the person has cracks and fissures that seem to be spreading apart revealing more light from within as if something new is emerging.

Crypto News

DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program Because Someone Finally Realized You Can’t Bribe People to Stop Being Suckers With Free Money

More like "DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program for Gullible Idiots Who Invested in Crypto". Because let's face it, if you're stupid enough to invest in cryptocurrency […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

US Regulatory Clarity

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