Securities Laws Archives - Cryptobro Magazine

BOMBSHELL! You Won’t Believe Which Insanely Popular Cryptocurrency Thingy Just Got Absolutely DESTROYED by the Man for Being SUPER SHADY!

Crypto's latest victim: Rari Capital gets roasted by the SEC for its dodgy practices.

Doug Martinez September 24, 2024

An illustration of a judge's gavel resting on top of two scales, one side holding an image resembling Bitcoin and Ether while the other holds an image representing Solana. The background is filled with tiny images of My Big Coin tokens falling from above like raindrops onto the floor below where they are being swept away by brooms held by figures in business attire. A faint outline of a US flag can be seen on one side, near the scales holding Bitcoin and Ether. In the foreground, two opposing paths stretch out into the distance with signs reading "Commodity" and "Security".

The One ETF to Rule Them All: VanEck Exec Hopes 2018 Fraud Case Will Finally Make Your Solana Investments Worth Something

You know what? This is just more proof that cryptocurrency and blockchain technology are a joke, especially when it comes to these fancy-schmancy ETFs. I mean, […]

Sam Rogers August 22, 2024

An illustration of a sinking ship at sea on fire and losing cargo boxes into the water below while nearby ships are sailing away from it; one is seen with an arrow pointing upwards indicating rising investment flows. The background has dark stormy clouds, contrasting with bright sunlight shining through in the distance where calm waters meet clear blue skies. A faint outline of a lighthouse can be made out on the horizon. In the foreground, flames engulf parts of the ship's deck and smoke billows into the air as it continues to list heavily to one side.

Bitcoin

ETF Investors Discover It Takes 5 Whole Days for Funds to Abandon Sinking Ship

The crypto-love is strong this week! It seems like everyone and their grandma has decided that Ethereum ETFs are a great way to lose money - […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of a never-ending staircase with each step representing an ETF, leading up to a sign that reads "Solana" and has been partially torn away from its base; in the background, a cityscape is visible through broken windows. A figure at the top of the stairs looks down upon it all while holding onto a rope tied around their waist as they slide back towards the bottom step. The staircase's railings are made up of tiny dollar signs and coins that seem to be falling off into an abyss below, with some stuck in the cracks between steps.

Crypto News

VanEcks Never Ending Quest to Make You Lose Money in a Solana ETF Continues Unabated

Just when you thought it was safe to get back into cryptocurrency, VanEck comes along and reminds us all that Solana is still a thing. Because […]

Doug Martinez August 20, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon crypto trading and lending platform (Abra) with an alarm clock ringing in front of it. The platform is shown as crumbling down into pieces while a red "Collapse Imminent" sign appears above the scene, amidst falling coins and dollar signs. In the background, people are running away from the collapsing structure, looking worried or panicked. A few investors can be seen holding their heads in despair, surrounded by scattered papers with numbers on them. The atmosphere is chaotic and tense, conveying a sense of urgency and warning to withdraw funds immediately.

Crypto News

Abra’s Collapse Imminent Because You Clearly Should Have Known Better

Oh boy, another crypto scam bites the dust. Who's surprised? Not me! I mean come on folks, it was only a matter of time before these […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

SEC Gets PWND by Judge Over Ripple Case and Loses Big Time but Still Manages to Keep Their Job

Another day, another Ripple drama to satirize! Let's break it down: so there was this huge lawsuit where the SEC ( Securities and Exchange Commission) tried […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon piggy bank with its mouth wide open as it's being blown away by strong winds while holding onto several balloons labeled 'Bitcoin', 'ETF' and '$188 million'. The background is filled with falling coins. In the distance, an image of Morgan Stanley can be seen in flames surrounded by smoke. A faint outline of a calendar shows June 30th highlighted. At the bottom left corner, there's a small piggy bank lying on its side spilling out money while crying tears made from dollar signs.

Altcoins

Morgan Stanley Blows Entire 401k Fund on Bitcoin Trust Because Who Needs Retirement Anyway

The gullible idiots are at it again! Morgan Stanley has apparently decided that throwing a few hundred million dollars into BlackRock's Bitcoin Trust is a good […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant hammer smashing down on a pile of worthless coins with broken chains wrapped around them; in the background, flames engulfing an empty cityscape. A large dollar sign is embedded into the ground amidst the destruction. The scene is bathed in dark red and orange hues to convey chaos and despair. In the foreground, fragments of shattered glass reflect shards of light from a setting sun. Broken chains are strewn about with coins scattered around them as if they were once bound together but now lie broken on the ground.

Crypto News

FTC Fails Miserably Again to Recover Any Actual Money From Anyone in the Crypto Scam Industry Because Who Needs Accountability When You Can Just Pay Lawyers Millions

Oh boy, look at this: another giant pile of worthless cryptocurrency 'investors' getting their comeuppance from a court for being stupid enough to trust FTX. I […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant roulette wheel spinning out of control on top of Moscow Exchange building with money flying everywhere and people running away from it while St Petersburg Exchange building stands nearby looking calm, as if ready to handle the chaos. The scene is set at night under bright moonlight with stars shining in the sky above. In the foreground, there are scattered banknotes and coins amidst broken glass and debris. A faint image of a cryptocurrency symbol can be seen on one of the flying money pieces.

Crypto News

Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location

Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an ostrich wearing a suit running away from two men holding briefcases and looking frustrated while one man in the background is smiling and giving thumbs up to another person standing next to him. The scene takes place on a Nigerian savannah with palm trees, hills and sun setting behind them. In the foreground, there are some scattered papers and empty coffee cups around the ostrich's feet. A small plane flies by above the scene leaving a trail of smoke in its wake.

Altcoins

Nigeria Drops Charges Against Binance Executives Because They Finally Figured Out That Throwing Random Guys Under the Bus Was a Terrible Idea

Well well well! Look who's dropping charges like hot potatoes - Nigeria is finally figuring out that throwing a bunch of random executives under the bus […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

Crypto News

SEC Takes Down Another Crypto Bro and by “Takes Down” We Mean They Just Get to Pay a Fine and Keep on Keeping on With Their Wild West Practices

You know who's been laughing all along at these crypto bros? Me, that’s who! It seems like every other day another one of them gets taken […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

Securities Laws

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