Regulation Archives - Page 4 of 5

An illustration: A cartoon CEO with his hair standing up like spikes from a madman's head; he has one hand holding onto an anchor while being pulled away by strong winds towards a stormy sea representing the proposed ban. In the background are two other figures - Steve Humenik and Coinbase, both trying to pull him back using ropes labeled as 'regulation' and 'transparency'. The CEO is surrounded by warning signs of 'over-regulation', 'excessive authority', and 'drafting errors'. A faint image of a CFTC building can be seen in the distance.

Crypto Companys CEO Loses Mind Over Proposed Ban on Gambling With Other Peoples Money

Crypto lovers can't catch a break it seems - first they're trying to convince us that their precious crypto has inherent value (spoiler alert: it doesn't), […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting a chaotic, crumbling cityscape at dusk; buildings are on fire while smoke billows into the sky amidst falling debris. A giant clock tower stands central to this scene but is cracked and broken with its hands frozen in time just before midnight. In front of it lies an open book torn apart by flames as papers scatter around like autumn leaves, some caught aflame themselves. The ground beneath is littered with scattered coins from various countries including Turkey's lira alongside foreign currencies such as the US dollar and euro;

Altcoins

Turkey Is a Hot Mess Waiting to Happen and So Are You if 47 Companies Decide to Operate There Under New Crypto Regulations

Crypto, always a hot mess waiting to happen! You'd think that after all the scams, crashes and general chaos it's caused over the years, people would […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of the Bank of Russia's building with an old-fashioned clock on its facade showing 11:59 PM as it strikes midnight into a new year; in front of the bank is a large digital screen displaying cryptocurrency symbols (Bitcoin, Ethereum) amidst swirling dollar and euro signs. A faint image of Western sanctions can be seen being lifted off the ground by two people wearing suits with briefcases, while below them are stacks of cash flowing freely through pipes towards Russia's State Duma building in the background;

Crypto News

Russia to Finally Catch Up on 2017 Crypto Trend by Year-End Because Nothing Says ‘Economic Recovery’ Like a Central Bank Governor Saying Something Optimistic

Russia's latest move into cryptocurrency is as laughable as it gets - they're trying to use the one thing they can't control (because let’s be real, […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon figure with a puzzled expression is shown holding an unlit matchstick; flames are erupting from behind him as if suddenly ignited; in the background there's a faint image of a digital clock ticking away rapidly. The character appears to be caught off guard by the fire, and his eyes widen in surprise while he takes a step back with one hand still grasping the matchstick. A subtle hint of smoke is rising from the flames as they engulf him; nearby are scattered papers or documents that seem to have been blown about by an unseen force.

Crypto News

CFTC Chairman Discovers Fire After Spending Decade Trying to Figure Out What Matches Are Made Of

Here's a summary that will make you laugh: The CFTC Chairman is finally catching on - Bitcoin and Ether are commodities, just like everyone else has […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Crypto Masterminds of Mayhem Finally Caught Red-Handed With Bitcoin Burglars’ Bonus

Well well well! Another genius crypto bro gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar... or rather, another stupid home invasion scheme aimed at stealing […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoonish graph showing an upward trend in cryptocurrency trading volume; two giant hands grasping each other across a chasm filled with coins of various denominations and symbols representing different cryptocurrencies. The background features swirling shapes resembling digital waves, while at the top, several institutional logos are visible amidst clouds of rising smoke from burning cash notes. In the foreground, a large stablecoin is shown being poured into an overflowing bucket labeled "Crypto-to-crypto trades".

Crypto News

Crypto Madness Ensues as 95% Surge in H1 Volume Proves That Institutions Still Can’t Get Enough of Your Money

It's all about making money off gullible idiots who still think this nonsense will make them rich quick! Institutional interest? Ha! They're just in it for […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant roulette wheel spinning out of control on top of Moscow Exchange building with money flying everywhere and people running away from it while St Petersburg Exchange building stands nearby looking calm, as if ready to handle the chaos. The scene is set at night under bright moonlight with stars shining in the sky above. In the foreground, there are scattered banknotes and coins amidst broken glass and debris. A faint image of a cryptocurrency symbol can be seen on one of the flying money pieces.

Crypto News

Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location

Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Texas Just Found a New Way to Reward Irresponsibility and Noise Pollution With a Free Pass for Bitcoin Miners

So, let's get this straight: a Bitcoin mine in Texas was making so much noise that over 40 people complained about it. And what did they […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a grandma holding an umbrella with Bitcoin logos and dollar signs falling from it as she stands on top of a mountain range labeled "Decentralization" while below her is a cityscape representing regulatory overreach, where people are running away from rain. In the background there's a group of suits in fancy clothes looking worried at their watches. The grandma has a determined look and one hand extended towards the sky as if calling for more free money to come down.

Crypto News

Bitcoin’s Last Hope: A Desperate Plea for More Free Money From Grandmas So the Bitcoin Policy Institute Can Keep Its Overpaid Consultants in Fancy Suits

In a move as predictable as it is pathetic, the Bitcoin Policy Institute has launched yet another futile attempt to prop up its beloved cryptocurrency with […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant talcum powder can with an open lid, releasing white clouds into the air as it falls towards bankruptcy court in Texas, while above it flies a plane carrying 75% support votes from claimants and below it crawls a snake representing asbestos claims that have been excluded. The background is filled with swirling stormy weather symbolizing J&J's turbulent legal battles. A smaller talcum powder can at the bottom of the illustration has "safe" written on its side, while another one in the distance bears an X marked through it signifying cancer-causing allegations.

Altcoins

Johnson & Johnson’s Talc Settlement Scheme Unveiled – We’ve Got a New Hero in Bankruptcy Court

Big pharma's latest scheme is like something out of a bad soap opera: Johnson & Johnson (the good guy) versus thousands of cancer patients who claim […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a suited financial advisor standing in front of an open briefcase overflowing with dollar bills while looking at the viewer through binoculars. In the background is a cityscape with skyscrapers and people walking on streets but all are blurred out except for one person holding a smartphone showing a bitcoin price chart, who stands still amidst chaos.

Crypto News

Morgan Stanley’s Army of Bitcoin Peddlers Descends Upon Unsuspecting Millionaires Next Week

Oh joy! The financial wizards at Morgan Stanley have finally decided that they can make a quick buck by peddling Bitcoin to the gullible masses. Congratulations […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

An illustration of a large Chinese dragon wrapped around an American power grid tower with sparks flying off its scales as it chokes on smoke and flames from burning crypto mining equipment in the background, while a U.S. Senator stands at the base looking concerned and holding up a "Regulate" sign. In the foreground, a group of smaller dragons representing foreign-owned cryptocurrency facilities are being chased away by an American eagle with a torch. The illustration is set against a dark blue sky filled with stars and clouds.

Crypto News

Senator Warren Still Clueless About How to Make Money Online So She Wants to Regulate It

The eternal optimist Senator Elizabeth Warren thinks she can regulate her way out of this mess? Please! Cryptocurrency has no inherent value and its only purpose […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration of an old clockwork mechanism with gears being dismantled as new modern machinery enters from the left side to replace it; amidst this transition, some loose cogs float away into a void representing change. The background is filled with faint lines suggesting uncertainty while clarity begins to emerge in the foreground where light starts shining through gaps between the machines. In the distance, there are hints of mountains and clouds indicating an evolving landscape.

Bitcoin

Chevron Ruling Suddenly Realized to Be Entirely Pointless for Crypto Industry

Well well well, look who's trying to spin this as some kind of 'game-changer' for the cryptocurrency industry! The Digital Chamber is at it again, touting […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

Crypto News

Uniswap Unleashes Frenzied Dance of Regulatory Dodgeball, Because Who Needs Rules When You’ve Got Code

The endless saga of Uniswap trying to outsmart regulators continues! Like a bad penny, this decentralized finance (defi) darling keeps turning up with its claims about […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of three-quarters of a globe being engulfed by dark clouds while one-quarter remains bright blue; an arrow pointing downwards from the top quarter to emphasize its descent into darkness, with faint outlines of money bags and coins scattered across it. In contrast, the remaining quarter is surrounded by rays of light that form shapes resembling virtual assets or cryptocurrencies. A subtle line separates these two contrasting sections, hinting at a divide between compliance and non-compliance with anti-money laundering standards for the virtual asset sector.

Crypto News

FATF: Because Apparently Three-Quarters of Countries Can’t Be Bothered to Follow Their Own Money Laundering Rules

Oh great, here we go again! The Financial Action Task Force is at it once more, trying to sound all serious about combating money laundering and […]

Doug Martinez August 15, 2024

An illustration: A confused-looking governor sits at his desk with papers scattered around him; a large clock ticks away on the wall behind as he holds up one hand to stop time. In front of him is an open book titled "Central Bank Digital Currencies" but it's upside down and has several pages torn out, while in the background there are two figures - one representing progress with a digital tablet under their arm walking towards the governor from afar; another figure represents caution holding up a shield to protect against potential threats.

Crypto News

North Carolina Governor Vetoes Bill Banning State Use of Central Bank Digital Currencies Because Clearly He Has No Idea What They Are Either

Crypto bros are at it again! Trying to ban something they don't understand because it's "central bank" (code for: scary government). Meanwhile, actual experts like jstolfi […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon figure holding an empty wallet with a broken chain around it; behind him, two large playing cards are shown being drawn from a deck and falling into a slot machine that has just paid out. In front of him lies a pile of worthless coins on the ground amidst scattered leaves representing autumn decay. The background is painted in shades of brown to convey desolation. A faint image of Canada's maple leaf flag can be seen at the top right corner, faded away like an old photograph.

Altcoins

Canadian Crypto Exchange Loses It All… Again! This Time $9.5M in Bitcoin and Ether Vanishes Down Founder’s Rabbit Hole of Poker Addiction!

Another day, another crypto exchange bites the dust (or rather, gets its users' funds embezzled). ezBtc and founder David Smillie are just the latest additions to […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration of a rocket ship blasting off into space with various digital assets and cryptocurrencies floating around it, some already on their way to orbit while others are still falling back down towards Earth; in the background there is an image of a cityscape at night representing growth and expansion. The rocket's trail behind it forms a path that splits into multiple smaller trails as if branching out into different directions signifying diversification and new paths being taken, with some parts forming stars or constellations to represent the future possibilities;

Altcoins

Get Ready: Crypto Gravy Train Just Derailed into a Bottomless Pit of Desperation as Regulators Give Thumbs Up to Even More Ways to Lose Your Shirt Investing in Worthless Digital Tokens

Because what's better for investors than a whole bunch of new ways to throw money at worthless digital tokens? Grayscale is thrilled that people are still […]

Barry Thompson August 15, 2024

An illustration of an index chart with multiple lines representing different cryptocurrencies (SPX, DXY, BTC, ETH, BNB, SOL, XRP, DOGE, TON, ADA) moving in various directions; some are rising while others are falling. The background is dark blue and the lines have varying colors to distinguish between each cryptocurrency. A few arrows point upwards indicating buying pressure on certain cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), BNB, Solana (SOL). Other arrows pointing downwards indicate selling pressure on XRP, Dogecoin (DOGE) and Cardano (ADA).

Altcoins

IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN: Cryptocurrency Prices Plummet into Oblivion for the 473rd Time This Year – Is It Even Worth Waking Up to Check?

The never-ending saga of cryptocurrency's attempt to be taken seriously continues! It seems like every week is Groundhog Day for Bitcoin and its altcoin friends - […]

Barry Thompson August 15, 2024

An illustration of an underwater scene with a whale swimming towards the surface holding onto large bags filled with Ether tokens and coins, while above water there is a faint image of a price chart showing resistance lines at $2,700; in the background are subtle waves representing market fluctuations. The atmosphere around the whale appears calm but tense as it approaches the next level up on its journey to recovery. In contrast, ripples from below indicate uncertainty and instability beneath the surface. A gentle breeze carries faint echoes of a recovering price line above water.

Altcoins

Whale Spends $13M On Worthless Digital Tokens And We’Re All Expected To Care Again Because Apparently That Matters Now

The thrilling tale of whales buying Ether and somehow expecting us all to care. Because what's more riveting than a massive amount of money being spent […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

An illustration showing an internet router under attack by swarming birds, with some routers on fire. The background is dark grey with white sparks flying everywhere. In the foreground, two figures are trying to put out fires while others look worried or run away in panic. A large bird perches atop a working router, looking triumphant. Below it all lies an image of Donald Trump and Elon Musk shaking hands amidst flames, as if they're emerging from the chaos together. The illustration is done in bold lines with vibrant colors to convey energy and urgency. In the bottom right corner, there's a

Bitcoin

Musk Gets X Hit By Massive Ddos Attack Because We’Re Still Waiting For Him To Admit Dogecoin Is A Scam

The crypto bros are at it again, claiming that X is under attack by a massive DDoS. What's next? Are we going to believe the moon […]

Sam Rogers August 13, 2024

Regulation

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