Liquidity Archives - Cryptobro Magazine

A illustration depicting a planet being overwhelmed by an influx of tiny, chaotic miners (representing the 2.2 EH/s computing power) spilling out from a facility in Pennsylvania, with two large figures looming in the background - one representing Bitfarms and another possibly symbolizing Riot Platforms' concerns.

Bitfarms Unleashes 2.2 Eh/S of Pure Madness on an Already Suffocating Planet!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Bitfarms is splashing into another hosting agreement with a new set of miners […]

Doug Martinez September 16, 2024

An illustration of a clock with its hands stuck at 11:59 PM on July 31st next to an image of a calendar page torn off from August 1st showing only one date "Aug 29" in bold red letters while the rest is blank, and below them two programmers sitting back-to-back looking frustrated. The programmer facing away has their hands covering his face with both palms as if hiding something behind him. In front of this character there's a trash can overflowing with code papers labeled 'bugs' and broken machinery parts scattered around it.

Crypto News

Cryptocurrency Project Delayed Because They Finally Realized Their Code Is Trash and Now Everyone Has to Wait Even Longer

And there you have it folks: another cryptocurrency project (Ocean Protocol) delayed because they can't even get their act together! The Ocean Nodes Incentive Program was […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Trader Gets Rich Overnight After Realizing Tron Is Still Somehow Relevant in 2023

Well well well, look who's at it again with their get-rich-quick schemes! Another Tron-based memecoin that nobody needs or wants has managed to make some poor […]

Sam Rogers August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Mango Markets’ SEC Settlement Vote May Decide Fate of Entire Cryptocurrency Industry and Possibly the World Economy Too Because Who Needs Stability Anyway

The never-ending saga that is Mango Markets continues! Like a bad penny, it keeps turning up with more drama than a crypto bro at a Bitcoin […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Crypto News

State Street Thinks You’ll Fall for Its Tokenized Assets Scam So Hard It Just Rolled Out a Whole New Division

Here we go again with another attempt by traditional finance to get in on the crypto gravy train. State Street is trying its hand at "digital […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of an empty black hole with swirling clouds of grey gas at its center. A faint outline of the Earth can be seen in the distance, but it is small and insignificant compared to the vastness of space around it. The background is dark blue, representing the void of outer space. In the foreground, a few scattered stars twinkle like diamonds against the blackness. At the edge of the illustration, a faint line suggests the presence of other galaxies in the distance, but they are too far away to be seen clearly.

Altcoins

Ethereum DApp Volumes Implode Into Black Hole of Irrelevance – Is Everyone Still Holding Onto Their ETH?

The world of crypto is one big rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs. And when I say down, I mean it literally - because who […]

Doug Martinez August 20, 2024

Crypto News

State Street Launches Digital Asset Platform Because Institutional Clients Clearly Don’t Have Enough Problems Already

The latest news from State Street is a joke right? They're partnering up with Taurus to create some kind of digital asset platform for institutional clients […]

Sam Rogers August 20, 2024

An illustration of a rollercoaster with steep drops and sharp turns in the background while at the front there's an empty seat on one side but filled by a person holding onto their hat for dear life, as if they're about to fall off; above them is a sign that reads "Memecoin" with multiple arrows pointing towards it. In the foreground are two people standing next to each other looking worried and unsure of what's happening around them while one holds up an empty wallet in despair.

Crypto News

Solana Memecoin Trading Volume Crashes by a Whopping 80%, but Somehow We’re Still Stuck in This Never-Ending Cycle of Hype and Disappointment, Because Who Needs Actual Fundamentals When You Have FOMO

The Solana-based Memecoin madness is finally starting to die down as volumes plummet by 80% in the last two weeks! It's been a wild ride, but […]

Doug Martinez August 20, 2024

An illustration of a rollercoaster track rising sharply upwards with cryptocurrency symbols (Bitcoin, Ethereum) embedded in the tracks as they twist and turn; at the top, a giant bubble forms around them, bursting into flames that engulf surrounding mountains shaped like dollar signs and interest rate charts; below, memecoins are depicted as tiny dogs chasing each other through fields of green dollars

Altcoins

Get Ready for Another Insane Crypto Bubble Because Apparently Low Interest Rates Will Make Everyone Suddenly Care About Decentralized Finance Again

The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me! Lower interest rates could be the key to DeFi summer? Please, it's just a recipe […]

Doug Martinez August 19, 2024

An illustration of a VC investor standing at an intersection with several roads leading off into the distance, some marked "Layer 2", others labelled as "Decentralized Social" and "Physical Infrastructure Networks". The investor looks out over the horizon uncertainly while in the background various blockchain logos are scattered across multiple chains

Altcoins

VCs Discover ‘Revolutionary’ New Way to Waste Billions on Layer 2 Solutions That Will Probably Just Get Hacked Anyway

The cryptocurrency industry's favorite game: "Let's pretend we're not all just speculating on a bunch of worthless tokens!" This time around, it seems like VC firms […]

Doug Martinez August 19, 2024

Altcoins

Hedge Funds Prove They’re Not as Smart as You Think by Pouring 6 Billion Dollars Into Something That’s Only Going to Make Elon Musk Richer

The eternal quest for institutional validation: it seems even hedge funds can't resist throwing their money at Bitcoin's sinking ship. A recent 13F filing analysis by […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of a whale with an empty wallet and avocado toast on its plate being taken away from under its nose while another whale in the background holds onto a large stack of money bags looking satisfied. The scene takes place underwater near some Solana coins floating around, one coin has been caught by a fish that is swimming away holding it tight. In the distance there are several whales selling tokens on Coinbase and Binance exchanges with big red "Sold" signs above them while another whale buys Ethereum at OKX exchange with a green "Bought" sign over its head.

Altcoins

Solanas Whale Just Dumped $84 Million, Still Can’t Afford Avocado Toast on Coinbase

Oh boy, another day and more whales are dumping their Solana on us! You know what they say: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"... but […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A large company building with many windows stands tall amidst a cityscape at sunset. The sky above it turns dark as clouds gather but inside the office lights shine bright. In contrast to its grandeur outside, an empty conference room lies within where only one person sits behind a long table surrounded by vacant chairs and papers scattered about. A lone figure in a suit walks down a hallway with no other people around while others stand at windows looking out into space as if lost in thought.

Hack

Tether Holdings Ltd About To Hire 100 More Overworked Bureaucrats And Number Crunchers Because Who Needs Actual Profits?

The stablecoin issuer Tether Holdings Ltd., because it's not like they've been accused enough times already - plans to increase its workforce by 100 employees to […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an empty wallet with dollar signs falling out as it sinks into quicksand below; nearby, a large hole is visible where more money has been sucked down; above, several other wallets float on the surface but appear to be losing air and slowly descending. In the background, two figures in suits are shown arguing over which one of them should have invested their clients' funds in Bitcoin ETFs instead of actual profits. The scene takes place at sunset with a faint orange glow illuminating everything except for the dark hole below where all the money has disappeared.

Crypto News

Bitcoin ETFs: Because Who Needs Actual Profits When You Can Have a Nice Big Hole in Your Wallet That Just Keeps Getting Deeper and Bigger

The eternal optimism surrounding US bitcoin ETFs continues unabated! Because what's not to be optimistic about? The fact that these funds have lost an eye-watering $18.3 […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin Spot ETFs Prove to Be Only Slightly Less Volatile Than a Hot Mess of Spilled Cheetos on Black Friday

The eternal dance between investors and their crypto toys continues, with a net inflow of $11M into Bitcoin spot ETFs on Aug 15th. Meanwhile, GBTC loses […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an adult playing with building blocks, but they are all labeled as different financial instruments (stocks, bonds etc.) and some have warning signs on them. The player is surrounded by caution tape and cones, indicating that it's a controlled environment. In the background there are other adults watching from behind a fence, looking concerned or confused. Some of these observers hold clipboards with pens attached to them. A few blocks in front of the main character start falling over due to instability, while others seem stable but have warning signs on them.

Crypto News

Thai SEC Launches Digital Playground for Adults Who Clearly Need Guidance

Oh boy, here we go again! Another country trying to make sense out of this crypto mess while everyone else is left wondering what they're doing. […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Coinbase Is About to Release the Most Overhyped Token Since Dogecoin 2: Electric Boogaloo

Oh joy, another "revolutionary" token that will supposedly change everything in cryptocurrency and make all our wildest dreams come true. Let's see how long this one […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin Funding Rates Hit New Yearly Lows Because All the Cool Kids Are Trading Dogecoin Now

Well well well, looks like the Bitcoin party is over folks! Funding rates on Binance just reached their lowest point of the year, signaling that everyone's […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old-fashioned alarm clock ringing with its hands pointing at midnight on July 17th and August 14th respectively; a rising graph behind the clock showing institutional adoption growing while retail investors remain steady below; in the background Bitcoin's price is shown dropping from above $60k to under it. The scene fades into darkness as an old-fashioned key turns, unlocking a door with 'ETF inflows' written on it but remains locked. A faint light shines through the crack of the door showing money flowing out instead of in.

Bitcoin

Bitcoin Mania: Institutions Finally Figure Out What Everyone Knew in 2014

The institutional adoption of spot Bitcoin exchange-traded funds (ETFs) is up again! Whoop-de-doo. Institutional investors are still only holding a paltry 18.7% of total ETF assets […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024