Hedge Fund Billionaire Buys Up CVS Because Clearly We Need More Rich Guys Making Money Off Our Suffering
Well it looks like some hedge fund is trying to make a quick buck off CVS' recent woes - because that's exactly what we all need […]
Investing
Peter Schiff Still Can’t Get People to Agree With Him Even When He’s Right About the Imminent Collapse of Bitcoin
Well well well! Look who's trying to stir up some drama about Bitcoin investors refusing to part with their precious. Peter Schiff is at it again, […]
Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location
Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]
Texas Just Found a New Way to Reward Irresponsibility and Noise Pollution With a Free Pass for Bitcoin Miners
So, let's get this straight: a Bitcoin mine in Texas was making so much noise that over 40 people complained about it. And what did they […]
Morgan Stanley’s Army of Bitcoin Peddlers Descends Upon Unsuspecting Millionaires Next Week
Oh joy! The financial wizards at Morgan Stanley have finally decided that they can make a quick buck by peddling Bitcoin to the gullible masses. Congratulations […]
Indian Courts Declare Cryptocurrency Legal Because Clearly We Need More People Laundering Money and Losing Their Life Savings
Ha! You think the courts in India care about what you people want? They're still trying to figure out how much of their money was lost […]
Credit Suisse’s Epic Fail: We’re Shutting Down Our Entirely Not-Even-Slightly-Stable Real Estate Fund, Yay Musical Chairs
It's official: one Swiss banking giant is so desperate it can't even keep its own real estate fund from imploding – but hey, at least they're […]
BlackRock Suddenly Discovers That Making Stuff Up Out of Thin Air Is a Great Way to Get Ripped Off by Scam Artists
It's not surprising Blackrock is warning about crypto scams - after all, they're just numbers on a computer created from nothing. It's only natural that scammers […]
NYSE Arca Withdraws Request to List Options on Commodity Trusts Because Clearly We Already Have Enough Ways for the Average Person to Lose Money in Crypto
It seems like we're getting close to being able to trade crypto with our hard-earned money without having to resort to shady derivatives. Whoop-de-doo! I mean, […]
Venture Capitalists Suddenly Realize They’re Rich Enough Not To Bother Investing In Anything Anymore Because That’s Just How The Game Is Played When You Have Daddy’s Money
The VC firms have slowed down their crypto investments, but it's not like they're abandoning ship or anything (oh wait, maybe they are). According to Adam […]
Ethereum Network Use Skyrockets, Further Proving That $3K Is Totally a Realistic ETH Price Target and Not Just a Wild Guess Made By Someone Who Has Way Too Much Time on Their Hands
The eternal optimism of cryptocurrency enthusiasts never ceases to amuse me. "Ethereum's scaling solutions are a success!" they cry, as if somehow magically making transactions cheaper […]
US Bitcoin ETFs Still Not Worthless Despite Continuing Existence
The crypto bros are at it again! They're celebrating their precious Bitcoin ETFs making gains for the ninth day in a row because apparently that's something […]
Eth Squeezes Out a Tiny Bit Less Blood Than Usual as Ethereum Mania Reaches New Heights and Everyone Still Loses Their Shirt
The Grayscale Ethereum Trust is finally bleeding less money after hemorrhaging nearly $2.3 billion since launch. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that this comes as […]
Get Ready: Crypto Gravy Train Just Derailed into a Bottomless Pit of Desperation as Regulators Give Thumbs Up to Even More Ways to Lose Your Shirt Investing in Worthless Digital Tokens
Because what's better for investors than a whole bunch of new ways to throw money at worthless digital tokens? Grayscale is thrilled that people are still […]
IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN: Cryptocurrency Prices Plummet into Oblivion for the 473rd Time This Year – Is It Even Worth Waking Up to Check?
The never-ending saga of cryptocurrency's attempt to be taken seriously continues! It seems like every week is Groundhog Day for Bitcoin and its altcoin friends - […]
Google Gets Owned by a Judge and Now Everyone Is Free at Last From Their Suffocating Grip on All Things Digital, Yay
The tech giant's woes continue as they get dragged through the courts and forced to reform their app store practices, much like how some of us […]
Investors Flock To Ethereum Like It’S A Burning Building Because Who Needs Logic Anyway, Meanwhile Bitcoin Just Sits There Being The Actual Store Of Value As Crypto Markets Recover In Spite Of Themselves
The crypto bros are at it again! Flocking to ETH like a bunch of lemmings off a cliff because some new ETFs launched in late July […]
Whale Spends $13M On Worthless Digital Tokens And We’Re All Expected To Care Again Because Apparently That Matters Now
The thrilling tale of whales buying Ether and somehow expecting us all to care. Because what's more riveting than a massive amount of money being spent […]
Crypto Investors Still Throwing Money At Ether Etfs Like They’Re Trying To Set Their Wallets On Fire
The never-ending farce of cryptocurrency investing continues! It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion - you can't look away even though you know the […]
Hamster Kombat Becomes First Crypto Project To Reject Venture Capital Overlords In Glorious Blaze Of Sanity And Profit
The hamsters are getting rich while you're still stuck in crypto hell! It's almost as if they know something about responsible gaming that all those other […]
Tech Giants Imploding Underweight From Years Of Eating Too Much Kool Aid
The mighty seven tech stocks are coming crashing down! How predictable is that? I mean who didn't see this trainwreck brewing after all those promises about […]
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