Vitalik Buterin’s Secret Plan to Turn Blockchain Governance Into a Bizarre Existential Crisis
It's almost as if Vitalik Buterin wants you all to think he has some sort of grand vision for blockchain governance. Newsflash: it just sounds like […]
Ethereum (ETH)
The One ETF to Rule Them All: VanEck Exec Hopes 2018 Fraud Case Will Finally Make Your Solana Investments Worth Something
You know what? This is just more proof that cryptocurrency and blockchain technology are a joke, especially when it comes to these fancy-schmancy ETFs. I mean, […]
Prometheum Just Declared UNI, and ARB Are Securities Now Because Clearly 2023 Has Been All About Adulting Your Crypto
Prometheum's announcement that they're going to add UNI, and ARB as securities has me scratching my head - what next? Are we gonna start seeing Bitcoin […]
Private Transactions: Because Your Grandma’s Ethereum Trades Are Now Being Used as Bait by High-Frequency Traders to Make You Poor
Well, isn't it just peachy! The land of crypto has now become so convoluted even its own users don’t want anyone else in. They’re opting for […]
Liquid Restaking Token of Doom: Because You Clearly Haven’t Learned From Your Previous 17 Crypto Disasters
YieldNest is at it again. Launching a new liquid restaking token called ynLSDe because apparently people still want to play with fire despite all the warnings […]
Bitcoin’s Hot Streak Continues to Melt Down Your Entire Life Savings
The never-ending circus that is crypto continues! We've got ETFs inflating like balloons at a children's birthday party - or should I say, deflating? Who needs […]
Ethereum (ETH) Price Down Today Because of Totally Not Predictable Reasons Like a Bunch of Guys in Their Mom’s Basement Getting Disappointed Again
It's not like anyone is surprised that Ethereum (ETH) dropped 3.75% on Aug. 20 - after all, what else would happen when a bunch of crypto […]
Bitcoin ETFs Soar to New Heights While Ethereum Gets Left in the Dust With 77% Less Cash Flooding In
Well well well! Look at that - US bitcoin ETFs just can't get enough of each other's company (and by extension, their own inflated value). Meanwhile, […]
AVAX Token Fund: Where Gullible Investors Come to Get Their Wallets Vomited on by Unbridled Speculation
So another bunch of gullible investors are about to throw their money at Grayscale's latest fund for the AVAX token. Because what could possibly go wrong […]
BTC Plummets to Earthly Depths as Entire Market Unravels in Cataclysmic Collapse of Epic Proportions
The cryptocurrency market is a wild ride full of ups and downs that make your head spin! It's like trying to predict which way a cat […]
BlackRock’s iShares Ethereum Trust Somehow Manages to Suck in a Billion Dollars From People Who Probably Regret Buying It Now
It seems like BlackRock is trying hard to make us believe that people are actually interested in their Ether exchange-traded fund (ETF). But let's be real […]
ETF Investors Discover It Takes 5 Whole Days for Funds to Abandon Sinking Ship
The crypto-love is strong this week! It seems like everyone and their grandma has decided that Ethereum ETFs are a great way to lose money - […]
VanEcks Never Ending Quest to Make You Lose Money in a Solana ETF Continues Unabated
Just when you thought it was safe to get back into cryptocurrency, VanEck comes along and reminds us all that Solana is still a thing. Because […]
Bitcoin Broke, but Your Wallet Still Isn’t: 62 Million More Reasons You Should Have Invested in Those ETFs
The crypto bros can't get enough of these ETFs! It's like they're trying to turn their entire lives into one big game of casino roulette. $61 […]
Linea’s Existential Crisis Averted by One Overwhelmed Volunteer Who Just Wants to Get Out of Doing All the Work
The crypto world is at it again, folks. Linea just got its first contributor for an open-source L2 rollup project because apparently someone finally remembered that […]
Ethereum DApp Volumes Implode Into Black Hole of Irrelevance – Is Everyone Still Holding Onto Their ETH?
The world of crypto is one big rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs. And when I say down, I mean it literally - because who […]
Lower Interest Rates Will Definitely Not Cause a Global Economic Meltdown This Time I Promise
The eternal optimist HashKey Capital CEO is at it again! Citing the potential for DeFi summer 2.0 because interest rates might drop (yay!) is a classic […]
EigenDA Promises to Save You a Whopping 90% on Your Data Storage Costs… Said No One Ever
Let me tell you something about this "EigenDA" nonsense. It's just another cryptocurrency trying to make a name for itself by promising ridiculously high savings on […]
Tether Mints Another Billion Dollars, Because Who Needs Economic Responsibility When You Can Just Magically Create More Money on the Internet and Call It Stable?
August has been quite a month for Tether's minting machine - it seems like every week they're churning out another billion USDT tokens on some obscure […]
Crypto: Because Losing All Your Money Is the Best Investment Strategy Ever
Well, well, well! It seems like another day in crypto land where folks are just waiting for their lucky break or hoping that Bitcoin magically goes […]
Get Ready for Another Insane Crypto Bubble Because Apparently Low Interest Rates Will Make Everyone Suddenly Care About Decentralized Finance Again
The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me! Lower interest rates could be the key to DeFi summer? Please, it's just a recipe […]
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