Economy Archives - Cryptobro Magazine

A illustration depicting a burning economy in flames, engulfed by politicians standing on top of it, their hands raised to control the inferno but unable to stop the destruction.

Crypto News

The Economy Will Burn First and Then Politicians

Cryptocurrency: The Gift that Keeps on Giving (and Taking).

Doug Martinez October 31, 2024

A comic illustration of Mark Zuckerberg standing at a whiteboard, surrounded by failed prototypes of VR headsets, with a red 'X' marked through them. In front of him is an empty shelf where the next-generation headset was supposed to be displayed. A few feet away, Apple's Vision Pro sits on another shelf, looking sleek and successful.

Crypto News

Bombshell! Meta’s Next-Gen Headset Axed in Bizarre Twist of Fate, Leaving Millions to Wonder if They’ve Been Scammed Into Buying Overpriced Glasses for Their Face!

Meta's Metaverse Mishap: A Cautionary Tale of Overhyping VR.

Doug Martinez August 25, 2024

A cartoonish illustration depicting a plane landing at an airport with French flags waving in the background. A suited figure (Pavel Durov) is being led away from the aircraft by two authorities while his luggage and belongings are scattered around him, symbolizing chaos and disruption. In the foreground, a cryptocurrency coin ($TON) lies broken on the ground amidst shattered glass and debris.

Crypto News

BREAKING NEWS! You Won’t Believe What Just Happened to the Guy Who Promised Us Endless Freedom on the Internet

Telegram's Durov Arrested: Because Nothing Says 'Freedom' Like Being Locked Up in a French Jail Cell.

Doug Martinez August 25, 2024

Crypto News

State Street Thinks You’ll Fall for Its Tokenized Assets Scam So Hard It Just Rolled Out a Whole New Division

Here we go again with another attempt by traditional finance to get in on the crypto gravy train. State Street is trying its hand at "digital […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration: A judge sits at a desk with papers scattered around them; they hold up their hand to halt the flow of money pouring from one side of the room (labelled 'Employer') towards another (labelled 'Employee'); in the background, coins and banknotes are replaced by cryptocurrency symbols floating upwards. The scene is set against a cityscape at sunset with skyscrapers representing Dubai's skyline; people walk through streets below as they go about their daily business while looking up to see what’s happening above them.

Altcoins

Dubai Court Suddenly Realizes Crypto Isn’t Actually Made of Unicorn Tears and Decides It Can Be Used for Normal Things Like Paying People

It's about time Dubai caught up with the rest of us who think cryptocurrency is a scam! Who needs to be paid in crypto when it’s […]

Doug Martinez August 20, 2024

An illustration of two cartoon figures standing back-to-back at opposite ends of a seesaw, with one figure holding a gold bar and wearing a suit labeled "Gold", while the other holds a bitcoin symbol and wears a t-shirt reading "BTC". The background features an upward-trending stock market graph

Altcoins

Crypto Bros Unleash Frenzied Predictions After Brief Momentary Increase in Gold Prices Causes Sudden Onset of Collective Amnesia Regarding Previous 10 Years of Market Performance

The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me. Fred Krueger and Jack Mallers spewing forth their latest hot takes about gold's bull run […]

Kevin Nelson August 19, 2024

An illustration of a giant electricity meter with its needle spinning wildly out of control, surrounded by swirling clouds of pollution and smokestacks emitting dark fumes; in the foreground, two economists are shown trying to grasp hold of the meter's handle while being buffeted about by strong gusts of wind

Altcoins

IMF Economists Shockingly Declare War on Crypto and AI by Proposing Electricity Tax: A Move So Bold It’ll Probably Be Overturned Immediately Because of Lobbying Fears

The IMF is finally catching on - those cryptocurrency bros are just a bunch of energy-guzzling numbskulls who can't stop whining about how they're being oppressed […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of a globe divided into two hemispheres by an axis labeled as "Tradition" on one side and "Innovation" on the other. The left hemisphere is filled with old-fashioned calculators, paper ledgers, and filing cabinets while the right hemisphere features futuristic skyscrapers, robots working at desks, and digital screens displaying financial data in real-time.

Bitcoin

UAE And UK Team Up To Create The World’s Most Confusing Guidebook For Rich People Who Invested Too Much Money In Bitcoin

Oh boy, here we go again! Another bunch of accountants trying to make sense out of this crypto nonsense. The UAE is partnering with ICAEW (Institute […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of a downward curve with decreasing tokens falling off it and disappearing into thin air. A few remaining tokens are stuck in place on top, while others float away as crvUSD coins rise up from below to catch them. The background is filled with small locked veCRV symbols that seem to be holding the platform together. In the distance a DAO building stands tall amidst greenery and vines indicating growth and sustainability. A faint image of Michael Egorov can be seen walking away in the far left corner, looking back at the scene with a smile on his face.

Crypto News

Curve Finance: Because Who Needs More CRV Tokens Anyway

So here we have another "exciting" update from cryptocurrency land. The people behind Curve Finance are celebrating because they've managed to reduce their token emissions for […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a man standing on one side with his feet firmly planted in two different worlds. One world is filled with gold coins, precious jewels, and shining stars while the other is darkened with broken currency notes scattered all around him. He looks down at both sides before taking a step forward into the brighter world where he's surrounded by happy people holding hands together under an arch of rising suns. In his hand, he holds up three shiny coins - one gold, one silver and one bitcoin symbol.

Bitcoin

Robert Kiyosaki Still Has No Idea What He’s Doing With His Money

Another day another delusional rich person spewing their nonsense about cryptocurrency! Robert Kiyosaki is one of those guys who thinks he's a financial guru just because […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration of Kamala Harris standing in front of an American flag with chains and locks wrapped around it; she is surrounded by three broken bank vaults, each labeled 'Silicon Valley Bank', 'Silvergate' and 'Signature'; a large hammer lies at her feet next to a pile of rubble. In the background, two figures are seen walking away from the scene carrying briefcases marked with economic policy documents. The overall atmosphere is dark and ominous. A faint image of an X post can be seen on one side of the illustration.

Bitcoin

Kamala Harris Announces Plan to Destroy Your Life and Ruin the Entire Economy With Her Crushing Crypto Crackdown

I'm not surprised that Kamala Harris is doubling down on Biden's anti-crypto policies - it just goes to show what a bunch of out-of-touch, crypto-hating elitists […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon piggy bank with its mouth wide open as it's being blown away by strong winds while holding onto several balloons labeled 'Bitcoin', 'ETF' and '$188 million'. The background is filled with falling coins. In the distance, an image of Morgan Stanley can be seen in flames surrounded by smoke. A faint outline of a calendar shows June 30th highlighted. At the bottom left corner, there's a small piggy bank lying on its side spilling out money while crying tears made from dollar signs.

Altcoins

Morgan Stanley Blows Entire 401k Fund on Bitcoin Trust Because Who Needs Retirement Anyway

The gullible idiots are at it again! Morgan Stanley has apparently decided that throwing a few hundred million dollars into BlackRock's Bitcoin Trust is a good […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a sinking ship with anchors and ropes breaking free from the hull, while above it several yachts are sailing away into the distance amidst stormy seas; at the bottom of the sea floor lies an empty wallet surrounded by coins slowly disappearing down a drain. A giant Bitcoin is shown being halved in two pieces as they sink below the waves together with other smaller Bitcoins and dollar bills. In the background, clouds made from smoke billow out into space while lightning illuminates the dark sky; nearby several seagulls are flying away carrying small bags of money.

Bitcoin

Public Miners Raised 2.22 Billion Dollars So They Can Still Afford Their Yacht Collections

Well it looks like the crypto bros are at it again! Raising billions of dollars through debt financing because their precious Bitcoin mining operations can't turn […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon character is shown standing alone on a cliff overlooking an ocean with two boats sailing away into the distance; one boat has 'Intel' written across it while the other says 'Softbank'. The character looks relieved, holding onto their hat as wind blows through. In the background, there's a faint image of another ship sinking beneath the waves labeled only by its outline and shape. A few seagulls fly overhead with some debris floating in the water below.

Crypto News

SoftBank Abandons Intel Like It’s That One Friend Who Always Cancels Plans at the Last Minute and You’re Finally Free From Their Drama

The never-ending saga of tech giants throwing money at AI chips like they're trying out a new flavor of potato chip - only to abandon ship […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of Pierre Poilievre standing in front of an old-fashioned clock tower, with cobblestone streets below him leading into darkness; he holds up a lantern as if guiding people away from something ominous looming on the horizon. In his hand is also a small bag containing coins and cash bills. The sky above has dark clouds gathering but there are hints of sunlight peeking through to suggest an impending dawn, symbolizing hope for change. A faint outline of Justin Trudeau can be seen in the distance walking towards him with a menacing shadow looming behind;

Bitcoin

Pierre Poilievre Suddenly Discovers Common Sense, Demands Canada Return to the Dark Ages Before Central Bank Digital Currency Ruins Everything

Another day, another attempt by crypto bros' favorite politicians (who are secretly just as clueless) to pretend they're fighting against "big government". Newsflash: Pierre Poilievre is […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a smiling Senator Chuck Schumer holding hands with Vice President Kamala Harris and Senators Kristen Gillibrand and Debbie Stabenow, all standing together in front of an American flag waving high above them as they walk towards the rising sun on top of a hill covered by dollar bills. In their other hand each is holding one end of a rope that connects to a large anchor symbolizing stability with cryptocurrency coins floating around it. The background has subtle waves and ripples, suggesting movement forward into an uncertain but hopeful future.

Altcoins

Bipartisan Crypto Legislation Imminent 2024 Will Be the Year Your Grandma Loses Her Life Savings

The crypto bros are at it again! They think they can just wave their hands and make the laws of economics go away. Meanwhile, Senator Chuck […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon bear wearing glasses holding an "I Hate Regulation" sign while standing next to a broken clock with chains wrapped around it; another bear is shown trying to break free from the chains but being held back by a large hand. In the background, there are scattered papers and books labeled as laws and regulations, some torn apart or on fire. The atmosphere of the scene suggests chaos and frustration. A small group of bears in the distance can be seen running away with their hands up in surrender.

Crypto News

Coinbase Just Realized It’s Getting Played by Crypto Bros and Now They Want Everyone to Know How Much They Hate Regulation

It seems like Coinbase has finally woken up from its slumber long enough to realize that it's being used as a pawn by the crypto bros […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon CEO with his hair standing up like spikes from a madman's head; he has one hand holding onto an anchor while being pulled away by strong winds towards a stormy sea representing the proposed ban. In the background are two other figures - Steve Humenik and Coinbase, both trying to pull him back using ropes labeled as 'regulation' and 'transparency'. The CEO is surrounded by warning signs of 'over-regulation', 'excessive authority', and 'drafting errors'. A faint image of a CFTC building can be seen in the distance.

Altcoins

Crypto Companys CEO Loses Mind Over Proposed Ban on Gambling With Other Peoples Money

Crypto lovers can't catch a break it seems - first they're trying to convince us that their precious crypto has inherent value (spoiler alert: it doesn't), […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting Vladimir Putin standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking an economy being consumed by flames and chaos caused by swirling cryptocurrencies. In the background, various Russian landmarks are engulfed by fire as digital currency symbols dance around them. The Bank of Russia is shown in the distance trying to put out the fires with buckets of water while cryptocurrency mining rigs line the shore below. Putin looks on with a concerned expression as he holds onto his hat due to strong winds blowing from the flames.

Crypto News

Putin Declares Russia Will Be First Nation to Utterly Devour Its Economy With Crypto-Induced Chaos

The great and all-knowing Vladimir Putin has deigned to bless us mere mortals with his latest decree: "Hey kids! Let's play with crypto!" Because what could […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration featuring a stylized chart with an inverse head and shoulders pattern forming at its bottom half; above it is depicted a rising trend line intersecting multiple peaks representing significant highs in gold prices. A large arrow pointing upwards from this intersection indicates momentum building towards higher values, while nearby smaller arrows suggest further increases ahead. In the background of the illustration are faintly visible several other charts with similar patterns forming but at different stages;

Altcoins

Veteran Trader Peter Brandt Predicts Gold Will Suddenly Breakout for Reasons He Can’t Even Be Bothered to Explain and We’re Supposed to Freak Out

Oh boy here we go again with yet another self-proclaimed expert spewing out unsubstantiated predictions and hot air about a market he knows nothing about. Peter […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Crypto Masterminds of Mayhem Finally Caught Red-Handed With Bitcoin Burglars’ Bonus

Well well well! Another genius crypto bro gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar... or rather, another stupid home invasion scheme aimed at stealing […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

Economy

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