Solana Memecoin Protocol Announces Game-Changing Short Squeeze Platform That Will Definitely Not Be a Disaster
The cryptocurrency world is at it again with a new scheme that's sure to make you laugh - or cry, depending on how much money you've […]
Crypto Community
Failed Crypto Execs Form New Club Because No One Wants to Talk to Them Anymore
Well isn't this just peachy! A bunch of former execs from a failed cryptocurrency project are trying to salvage their reputations with some desperate attempts at […]
RFK Jr’s Running Mate Floats ‘Unity Party’ With Former President Trump Who’s Probably Going to Use It as an Excuse to Sell His Own Line of Branded Bitcoin Toilet Paper and Make America Flush Again
The crypto bros are having some fun now that RFK Jr is promising to back the US dollar with Bitcoin. Because what we all know about […]
Crypto Bro Abandons Burning NFT Ship for Job Making Virtual Stuff at Facebook Because That Sounds Less Stressful
The great exodus continues! Another crypto bro flees the sinking ship of NFTs for the slightly less doomed waters of Silicon Valley. Jeff Nicholas, former creative […]
Vitalik Creates New Buzzphrase That Will Definitely Not End in Catastrophic Failure and Global Economic Collapse
The great Vitalik's latest intellectual endeavor: "defensive accelerationism" (d/acc). Because what the world really needs is another buzzword-laden concept from a cryptocurrency enthusiast with a penchant […]
Biden’s Secret Plan To Bribe Entire Population With Free Bitcoin And Make Everyone Instantly Love Him
The absurdity of it all! Democrats are now launching a "Crypto for Harris" initiative because, apparently, they think this will somehow help their candidate win. As […]
Web3 Gaming Suffers Existential Crisis After Learning One More Web2 Company Failed
You know what's immutable? The fact that Immutable shut down its marketplace, because let's be real, it was a total failure. Who needs an NFT marketplace […]
Buterin Unleashes Frenzied 500K Cash Stampede on Charity With Bizarre Animal Coin Collection
Cryptocurrency's latest trend is animal-themed coins for charity - who would've thought? Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum co-founder, decided that instead of letting these tokens just collect dust […]
Matter Labs Loses Bid for Zk Trademark Because Nobody Actually Cares About Zero-Knowledge Proofs
The eternal farce that is cryptocurrency continues, with another developer getting burned because they thought they could trademark something in a space where everyone knows it's […]
OKX Wallet Suddenly Realizes That Maybe Not Everyone Uses Only Ethereum and Now Theyre Doing Something About It
Well, well, well! It seems like we have another instance of trying to make blockchain sound exciting by using buzzwords and overly complicated explanations. Blinks are […]
Trump Has Raised $25M From Crypto Industry Because Who Needs Actual Financial Literacy When You Can Just Sell Out to Bitcoin Whales
The irony is palpable - a man who was impeached for mishandling funds now raises millions from cryptocurrency enthusiasts, an asset class notorious for scams and […]
Basel Committee Confirms Stablecoins Are Only Good for One Thing: Enriching Bankers at Your Expense
You can’t make this stuff up! The Basel Committee has decided to favor stablecoins issued by banks over those created by anyone else because... well, they’re […]
Bitget Nansen Study Confirms Crypto Prices 100 Percent Influenced by Idiots Arguing on the Internet
The crypto bros will be thrilled to know their participation in online forums actually has an impact on something other than just proving how gullible they […]
Ditobanx and ICP Hub Mexico Launch Initiative to Turn University Students Into Cryptocurrency Guinea Pigs for Profit
The crypto bros are at it again! This time they're trying to brainwash Mexican university students into thinking that cryptocurrency has value by giving them $5 […]
Russians Overwhelmingly Aware of Cryptocurrency Because They’ve Seen It in Their Grandma’s Online Shopping Cart
Cryptocurrency is all over Russia like a bad rash - everyone's heard of it but nobody actually knows what they're doing. Meanwhile Hamster Kombat is stuck […]
Web 3 Gaming Revolution – Because What Gamers Really Need Is More Overpriced NFT Bullshit
Well, well. The future of Web 3 gaming is here – or at least that's what these crypto bros want you to think! They're peddling their […]
US Lawmaker Thinks Kamala Harris Needs Help From Rich Guys Who Are Probably Going Broke and Will Abandon Her Anyway
Harris needs help? Who wouldn’t want her as an ally in this dumpster fire that is cryptocurrency? It's not like she has anything better to do, […]
Kamala Harris Spontaneously Combusts After Being Forced to Listen to Anthony Scaramucci Talk About Crypto for More Than 5 Minutes
Anthony Scaramucci thinks Kamala Harris is open-minded about cryptocurrency? Give me a break! This guy has made more U-turns on his stance than a Bitcoin whale […]
Google Pay, Amazon Pay and Phonepe Join RBI’s Digital Rupee Program Because Nothing Says ‘Central Bank-Backed Cryptocurrency’ Like Three Companies That Can’t Even Keep Your Money Safe
In a desperate attempt to stay relevant, Google Pay, Amazon Pay and Phonepe are now scrambling to join India's central bank-issued cryptocurrency (CBDC) program. Because what […]
Digital Rupee Proves Cryptocurrency Was Just a Fad All Along
Well well well! Look who's trying to make cryptocurrency look good for once - it's not going so badly after all, they're saying! Five million users […]
New York DA Now Hiring Crypto Analysts Because Clearly We Need More Experts on How Not to Get Ripped Off Online
Cryptocurrency: the gift that keeps on giving...to scammers! You know what's almost as exciting as getting rich quick with some fly-by-night cryptocurrency? Getting hacked by sophisticated […]
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