Tyler Winklevoss Still Thinks His Crypto Buddies Are Going to Save America From Itself
The eternal optimism of Tyler Winklevoss - still clinging to the notion that 50 million Americans who own cryptocurrency are a force to be reckoned with, […]
Crypto Adoption
Coinshares: Where Losing Money Is Just Part of Their Business Plan to Make More Money
The great news just keeps rolling out for Coinshares! Another quarter, another profit from their dubious dealings with crypto companies that inevitably go bankrupt. I mean […]
Ronin Bridge Hacked Because Someone Clearly Needed a Second Caffeine-Fueled Coding Session
The Ronin bridge hack was a perfect example of how cryptocurrency can fail in spectacular fashion when not properly managed. The fact that an error in […]
Coinbase Is About to Release the Most Overhyped Token Since Dogecoin 2: Electric Boogaloo
Oh joy, another "revolutionary" token that will supposedly change everything in cryptocurrency and make all our wildest dreams come true. Let's see how long this one […]
Bitcoin Mania: Institutions Finally Figure Out What Everyone Knew in 2014
The institutional adoption of spot Bitcoin exchange-traded funds (ETFs) is up again! Whoop-de-doo. Institutional investors are still only holding a paltry 18.7% of total ETF assets […]
Price Analysis 8/9: The Only Thing More Useless Than These Coins Is the Life Choices of Their Diehard Holders
Oh boy, crypto bros still don't get it! They think they can just keep buying up worthless tokens like Dogecoin (DOGE) and Toncoin (TON), hoping for […]
Goldman Sachs CEO Still Hasn’t Figured Out Bitcoin Is a Joke That Will Eventually Stop Being Funny
The eternal optimism of the clueless! David Solomon still thinks Bitcoin might be around for a while longer before it inevitably crashes to zero (or at […]
SEC Gets PWND by Judge Over Ripple Case and Loses Big Time but Still Manages to Keep Their Job
Another day, another Ripple drama to satirize! Let's break it down: so there was this huge lawsuit where the SEC ( Securities and Exchange Commission) tried […]
Morgan Stanley Blows Entire 401k Fund on Bitcoin Trust Because Who Needs Retirement Anyway
The gullible idiots are at it again! Morgan Stanley has apparently decided that throwing a few hundred million dollars into BlackRock's Bitcoin Trust is a good […]
MSTX the Ultimate Risk-It-All Machine: Get Ready for 175% Upside or Downside in One Single, Sizzling Hot Bet on Microstrategy
The eternal quest for get-rich-quick schemes has led us down another rabbit hole with Defiance ETFs' latest creation: MSTX, an 175% leveraged single-stock exchange-traded fund focused […]
Buterin Unleashes Frenzied 500K Cash Stampede on Charity With Bizarre Animal Coin Collection
Cryptocurrency's latest trend is animal-themed coins for charity - who would've thought? Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum co-founder, decided that instead of letting these tokens just collect dust […]
Flowbank Collapse: The Unlikely Savior of Your Entire Life Savings
The grandeur of cryptocurrency is truly a wondrous thing. A whole market built upon nothing but thin air and reckless abandon for good sense. And now […]
Pump.fun: Because Apparently Someone Still Has $28 Million Burning a Hole in Their Wallet
Oh boy, here we go again with another overhyped memecoin nonsense! Pump.fun is making waves because it's reached some arbitrary record for monthly agreement income? Who […]
Dubai’s DIFC Just Partnered With the One Company That Actually Makes You Lose Money on Blockchain
Oh boy, here we go again. The latest attempt by crypto bros to legitimize their "industry" is a partnership between Ripple and some financial center in […]
Arbitrum DAO: Because Who Needs Decentralization When You Can Have Tokenized Participation
The eternal quest for relevance by crypto projects continues unabated! In this case, it's Arbitrum's turn to try and boost its ARB token utility with staking […]
SoftBank Abandons Intel Like It’s That One Friend Who Always Cancels Plans at the Last Minute and You’re Finally Free From Their Drama
The never-ending saga of tech giants throwing money at AI chips like they're trying out a new flavor of potato chip - only to abandon ship […]
Putin Declares Russia Will Be First Nation to Utterly Devour Its Economy With Crypto-Induced Chaos
The great and all-knowing Vladimir Putin has deigned to bless us mere mortals with his latest decree: "Hey kids! Let's play with crypto!" Because what could […]
Trump Has Raised $25M From Crypto Industry Because Who Needs Actual Financial Literacy When You Can Just Sell Out to Bitcoin Whales
The irony is palpable - a man who was impeached for mishandling funds now raises millions from cryptocurrency enthusiasts, an asset class notorious for scams and […]
CBOE to Officially Launch 5 New Ethereal Fantasy Landscapes This Tuesday Because You Clearly Need More Ways to Lose Your Shirt
The crypto bros are at it again! They're so excited about their precious new Ether ETFs being listed on Cboe and BZX Exchange. Whoop-de-doo! As if […]
Russia to Finally Catch Up on 2017 Crypto Trend by Year-End Because Nothing Says ‘Economic Recovery’ Like a Central Bank Governor Saying Something Optimistic
Russia's latest move into cryptocurrency is as laughable as it gets - they're trying to use the one thing they can't control (because let’s be real, […]
Ripple Labs Inc Still Not Bankrupt After Another Partnership With Some Japanese Firm That Nobody’s Ever Heard Of
Oh boy, another partnership between some Japanese firm that nobody's ever heard of and Ripple Labs Inc., because what could possibly go wrong with that? SBI […]
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