Web 3 Gaming Revolution – Because What Gamers Really Need Is More Overpriced NFT Bullshit
Well, well. The future of Web 3 gaming is here – or at least that's what these crypto bros want you to think! They're peddling their […]
Blockchain Technology
Court Just Found Out You Can Still Be Sued for Eating Your Own Ice Cream
The crypto bros are celebrating this "victory" without realizing they've just lost their lunch money again! The court dismissed the claims related to secondary BNB sales […]
Bitwise Unveils Utterly Underwhelming Revelation That Somehow Still Manages to Bore Us All Into Oblivion
It looks like Bitwise is trying to convince us that transparency in cryptocurrency is a unique feature - newsflash: it's just an attempt at damage control […]
Ohio Residents Suffer Existential Crisis After Discovering They Can’t Lose Their Savings on Coinzoom
Well isn't this just peachy? Another crypto exchange gets shut down for being a dodgy operation and now Ohio residents can't get their hands on more […]
Ethereum Is About to Skyrocket Because of Some Magic Paper That a Bunch of Rich Guys Said Might Be Useful
Let's talk about something truly absurd - people actually believing a cryptocurrency can reach $5,000 because of some fancy-pants financial product. I mean seriously, we're not […]
Cryptocurrency Bro’s Wild Ride: Because Nothing Says Financial Stability Like Betting on Thin Air and Watching Your Money Disappear
It's been another thrilling day for crypto bros as they frantically try to find meaning in their investment choices! US ETH ETFs drew $48.73M on Monday […]
SEC Takes Down Another Crypto Bro and by “Takes Down” We Mean They Just Get to Pay a Fine and Keep on Keeping on With Their Wild West Practices
You know who's been laughing all along at these crypto bros? Me, that’s who! It seems like every other day another one of them gets taken […]
Binance Returns to the Country It Was Banned From for Being a Lawless Menace and People Are Like Yay I Can Lose All My Money Again
The gullible idiots are rejoicing once again as their precious cryptocurrency is back on the Google Play Store and Apple App Store. Binance has finally registered […]
Blockchain Apocalypse Unleashed Abu Dhabi’s Blockchain Center Will Single-Handedly Destroy the Global Economy and Bring About a New Era of Crypto-Fueled Chaos
The Blockchain Center has finally opened its doors in Abu Dhabi, because what every city needs is another overhyped hub for wannabe blockchains that will inevitably […]
Crypto.com Signs Pact of Desperation With UEFA – We Predict 100% Rate of Catastrophic Failures and Ruined Sporting Dreams
The perfect marriage - cryptocurrency and football! Who wouldn't want their beloved sport sullied by shady financial dealings? Crypto.com has somehow managed to convince UEFA that […]
Uniswap Unleashes Frenzied Dance of Regulatory Dodgeball, Because Who Needs Rules When You’ve Got Code
The endless saga of Uniswap trying to outsmart regulators continues! Like a bad penny, this decentralized finance (defi) darling keeps turning up with its claims about […]
New York DA Now Hiring Crypto Analysts Because Clearly We Need More Experts on How Not to Get Ripped Off Online
Cryptocurrency: the gift that keeps on giving...to scammers! You know what's almost as exciting as getting rich quick with some fly-by-night cryptocurrency? Getting hacked by sophisticated […]
Astonishingly Unstoppable Donald Trump Set to Win 2024 Election in Crushing Landslide Defying All Logic Reason or Sanity
The recent surge in cryptocurrency prices has left many investors wondering if this is the start of another bull run or just a temporary blip on […]
Argentina Embraces New Era of Tax Evasion and Fiscal Irresponsibility, Because Who Needs a Budget Anyway
You know who's really good at hiding money? Cryptocurrency enthusiasts in Argentina! They've been stashing it away for years without paying any tax on it - […]
US Ethereum ETFs Are Being Sold for Pennies on the Dollar While Their Sponsors Laugh All the Way to the Bank
The cryptocurrency world is a dumpster fire and it's only getting worse! It seems like every day we get to see another ETF fail miserably or […]
Hamilton Lane Unleashes Epic Fail: Multi-Billion-Dollar Asset Manager Wastes Entire Existence on Solana Private Credit Fund
Hamilton Lane's latest move into private credit fund launches on Solana is a joke right? I mean who needs traditional banking when you can just create […]
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