Kim Dotcom Still Hasn’t Figured Out How to Leave
The eternal optimist Kim Dotcom is back with another chapter of his seemingly endless saga against extradition - what's the over/under on how long until he […]
Bitcoin Markets
Immutable Gets Suckered Into Using Fireblocks Because They Finally Realized That Handling Digital Assets Isn’t as Easy as Just Making a Bunch of Empty Hype
It's time again to talk about blockchain technology and its 'revolutionary' applications - this time, it's Web3 gaming! Because what we really need is for more […]
Matter Labs Loses Bid for Zk Trademark Because Nobody Actually Cares About Zero-Knowledge Proofs
The eternal farce that is cryptocurrency continues, with another developer getting burned because they thought they could trademark something in a space where everyone knows it's […]
Donald Trump Just Made 7000000 Dollars From NFTs and Now He Thinks the Whole World Should Be a Giant Digital Art Gallery
It's time for America to get its priorities straight - we're talking about Donald Trump here, folks! The man who once scoffed at cryptocurrency is now […]
Michael Saylor’s Billion Dollar Bet on a Currency That Won’t Even Buy You Lunch
Oh boy, here we go again! Michael "I'm-a-genius" Saylor continues to pour his money into the most overvalued cryptocurrency in existence - Bitcoin. We all know […]
Microstrategy Shares Now 100% Owned by Overweight Guys With Too Much Time on Their Hands
The pension funds are in on it now too! South Korea's National Pension Service has invested nearly $34 million into shares of MicroStrategy because who wouldn't […]
WazirX: Because Your Money Was Never Actually Yours Anyway
The eternal saga of cryptocurrency's most ardent fans getting fleeced by hackers and scammers continues unabated! This time, it’s India-based exchange WazirX that finds itself on […]
OKX Wallet Suddenly Realizes That Maybe Not Everyone Uses Only Ethereum and Now Theyre Doing Something About It
Well, well, well! It seems like we have another instance of trying to make blockchain sound exciting by using buzzwords and overly complicated explanations. Blinks are […]
Ethereum Traders Now Officially Experts in Predicting the Exact Date of Their Own Inevitable Bankruptcy at an Average Price Per Month
Crypto traders are at it again - this time they're warning of an impending doom for Ether's price, which is currently trading above $2K. Analysts like […]
Talent Protocol Discovers the Secret to Keeping People From Leaving Web3: Free Food and Not Making Them Use Blockchain
The perpetual optimism in Web3 is astounding - a space filled with nothing but empty promises and broken dreams. Talent Protocol thinks it has found the […]
Ripple CEO Sues Entire World for Not Being as Awesome at Making Money Off Unregulated Tokens as He Is
I'm not surprised that Brad Garlinghouse of Ripple is whining about SEC hypocrisy - what else would he say? The guy's livelihood depends on convincing people […]
Arbitrum DAO: Because Who Needs Decentralization When You Can Have Tokenized Participation
The eternal quest for relevance by crypto projects continues unabated! In this case, it's Arbitrum's turn to try and boost its ARB token utility with staking […]
Crypto Policies Under Second Trump Administration Will Probably Still Be Garbage but at Least He’ll Get to Tweet About It Some More
It's about time some politicians finally got it right - crypto is a joke. Senator Hagerty has correctly identified Trump as pro-crypto (because what else could […]
CVM Finally Discovers Tokenization Is Literally Just Guys Making Stuff Up and Selling It to Unsuspecting People for Bitcoin
The Brazilian Securities Regulator CVM has finally woken up and realized that cryptocurrency is not as exciting as all those crypto bros made it out to […]
Pierre Poilievre Suddenly Discovers Common Sense, Demands Canada Return to the Dark Ages Before Central Bank Digital Currency Ruins Everything
Another day, another attempt by crypto bros' favorite politicians (who are secretly just as clueless) to pretend they're fighting against "big government". Newsflash: Pierre Poilievre is […]
FBI Finally Wises Up That Crypto Exchanges Are Just One Big Scam
Cryptocurrency: where even law enforcement can't escape getting scammed! I guess that's what happens when you're dealing with a "revolutionary" technology created from nothing but hot […]
Bipartisan Crypto Legislation Imminent 2024 Will Be the Year Your Grandma Loses Her Life Savings
The crypto bros are at it again! They think they can just wave their hands and make the laws of economics go away. Meanwhile, Senator Chuck […]
Coinbase Just Realized It’s Getting Played by Crypto Bros and Now They Want Everyone to Know How Much They Hate Regulation
It seems like Coinbase has finally woken up from its slumber long enough to realize that it's being used as a pawn by the crypto bros […]
Blackrock Unleashes Bitcoin Beast Mode and Now the World Owes Us $124M Because We Can Apparently Do Math
The cryptocurrency space is at it again, folks! This time around, Blackrock's IBIT fund has somehow managed to suck in a whopping $124 million on Monday […]
Buckle Up Buttercup 22 Billionaire Dads Just Realized They’re Also Poor at Investing and It’s About to Get Ugly
The never-ending saga that is crypto continues unabated - it's like watching paint dry but with more financial ruin for those poor souls who still believe […]
$Million Dollar Whistleblower Pays Off – Literally
The crypto bros just keep on getting fleeced! It's like they're begging for it with their gullible attitudes and lack of basic financial literacy. The Commodity […]
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