Crypto Collapse: Your Money Is Gone Forever (Nope, It’s Just Bitcoin Being Its Usual Dramatic Self)
It's been another week of crypto circus antics and we're still waiting for someone – anyone! – to come along and explain why they spent all […]
Avalanche (AVAX)
Bitcoin’s Desperate Cry for Help: Experts Predict Catastrophic Collapse or Insane Windfall – And Crypto Whales Are Just Here for the Pizza
A perfect storm of desperation and ignorance has led us to this moment, folks – where Bitcoin is hovering precariously near $62k, with some clowns predicting […]
BREAKING: Altcoins Make Gains Because You Clearly Forgot How Much Money You Lost Last Time This Happened!
It's time again for some good old-fashioned crypto-bashing, folks! Bitcoin has somehow managed to 'recover' and now we're all supposed to be excited about altcoins making […]
AVALANCHE PRICE TO TURN BULLISH ANY SECOND NOW (Seriously Though It Might Just Crash Again)
Crypto bros are at it again! They're trying to convince us that Avalanche (AVAX) is about to turn bullish after months of tanking. Yeah right, and […]
Hong Kong Lawmaker Discovers Existence of Web3, Demands Adults Be Put in Charge Immediately
The blockchain bubble is bursting already? How delightful! It seems like those naive crypto bros are finally getting a taste of reality. A Hong Kong lawmaker […]
Vitalik Buterin’s Secret Plan to Turn Blockchain Governance Into a Bizarre Existential Crisis
It's almost as if Vitalik Buterin wants you all to think he has some sort of grand vision for blockchain governance. Newsflash: it just sounds like […]
Franklin Templeton Invests Entire Life Savings in Avalanche Network Because Reasons
The crypto bros are at it again! This time they've convinced a major asset management firm like Franklin Templeton that blockchain is somehow revolutionary or innovative […]
AVAX Token Fund: Where Gullible Investors Come to Get Their Wallets Vomited on by Unbridled Speculation
So another bunch of gullible investors are about to throw their money at Grayscale's latest fund for the AVAX token. Because what could possibly go wrong […]
Blockchain Startup Secures 80 Million Dollars and Suddenly Everyone’s an Expert on the Future of Decentralized Everything
Ahahahaha! Here we go again - another overhyped blockchain startup trying to make a buck off of naive investors who think that "Web3" is more than […]
BTC Plummets to Earthly Depths as Entire Market Unravels in Cataclysmic Collapse of Epic Proportions
The cryptocurrency market is a wild ride full of ups and downs that make your head spin! It's like trying to predict which way a cat […]
Solana Memecoin Trading Volume Crashes by a Whopping 80%, but Somehow We’re Still Stuck in This Never-Ending Cycle of Hype and Disappointment, Because Who Needs Actual Fundamentals When You Have FOMO
The Solana-based Memecoin madness is finally starting to die down as volumes plummet by 80% in the last two weeks! It's been a wild ride, but […]
Ava Labs CEO Loses Mind After Learning His Account Was Hacked by Someone Who Clearly Has More Crypto Than Him
It's not like we haven't seen it before - another cryptocurrency bro gets his Twitter (X) account hijacked and used for some dodgy pump-and-dump scheme. This […]
COO’s Twitter Account Hacked Because Clearly That Was the Only Logical Next Step After Being Promoted to COO of a Cryptocurrency Company
The incompetence never ceases to amaze me! It's like these folks are begging to be robbed blind by hackers and scammers. A COO getting their account […]
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