Investors Flock To Ethereum Like It’S A Burning Building Because Who Needs Logic Anyway, Meanwhile Bitcoin Just Sits There Being The Actual Store Of Value As Crypto Markets Recover In Spite Of Themselves

The crypto bros are at it again! Flocking to ETH like a bunch of lemmings off a cliff because some new ETFs launched in late July and suddenly they’re all about that “hype” life. Meanwhile, Bitcoin is just sitting there, quietly being the actual store of value it’s supposed to be.

But seriously, folks, what are these investors thinking? They think throwing money at ETH funds is going to make them rich quick when really it’s just a bunch of numbers on a computer created from thin air by some pseudoscientific algorithm. And don’t even get me started on the energy usage and transaction fees – it’s like they’re trying to bankrupt themselves.

And what about all those poor souls who invested in Bitcoin ETPs? They got fleeced with outflows totaling $366 million month-to-date! Short positions are getting wiped out left and right, indicating a “substantial investor exit” (i.e. people finally figuring out that crypto is a scam). Ahahahaha!

But hey, at least the markets have recovered by 20% since the Aug. 5 slump… to $2.2 trillion? That’s still a bunch of made-up money floating around in cyberspace! And ETH prices are up 23% because reasons?