Solana Archives - Page 3 of 3 - Cryptobro Magazine

An illustration of an old man holding onto a rope that is being pulled away from him by two younger men in suits running towards the future with Zcash coins flying out behind them while he looks back at his declining price chart on the ground next to him. The background shows a cityscape with buildings and bridges connecting different networks, some of which are crumbling or destroyed as they fall into disrepair. In the distance, new modern skyscrapers rise from the ashes representing progress and innovation.

Zcash Founder Joins Shielded Labs, Because Clinging to Relevance After Being Delisted Is Still a Thing

Oh boy, here we go again! Zcash's founder is now pushing for a hybrid PoS upgrade because they're still trying to cling on after getting delisted […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an inflated balloon with confetti and streamers, floating upwards amidst colorful clouds; at its base is a money bag overflowing with cash while nearby are scattered various cryptocurrencies' logos on the ground. The background features subtle waves resembling those of water or stock market fluctuations. In the distance, there's a faint outline of a cityscape under construction, symbolizing growth and development. A few coins can be seen falling from above into the money bag below as if they're being collected by it;

Hack

Pump.fun: Because Apparently Someone Still Has $28 Million Burning a Hole in Their Wallet

Oh boy, here we go again with another overhyped memecoin nonsense! Pump.fun is making waves because it's reached some arbitrary record for monthly agreement income? Who […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon Donald Trump standing on top of an enormous digital art gallery with thousands of NFTs floating around him in mid-air, each one displaying his face or name; he is surrounded by Ethereum and Bitcoin coins that are also flying through the air; a giant orange high-top shoe looms above him. In the background, there's a cityscape made up of skyscrapers shaped like digital art galleries with NFTs hanging from their rooftops. The sky is filled with floating MAGA memecoins sporting the ticker “TRUMP.

Altcoins

Donald Trump Just Made 7000000 Dollars From NFTs and Now He Thinks the Whole World Should Be a Giant Digital Art Gallery

It's time for America to get its priorities straight - we're talking about Donald Trump here, folks! The man who once scoffed at cryptocurrency is now […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Michael Saylor’s Billion Dollar Bet on a Currency That Won’t Even Buy You Lunch

Oh boy, here we go again! Michael "I'm-a-genius" Saylor continues to pour his money into the most overvalued cryptocurrency in existence - Bitcoin. We all know […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old man sitting on a couch with his head in hands looking at a stack of worthless papers next to him; the background is dark grey with faint lines resembling broken chains; he's surrounded by empty bottles and trash, while outside through the window there are people running away from falling coins. The room has no windowsills or curtains but it looks like they were once present as evidenced by old nails in the wall where they used to be hung. In one corner of the image a faint light bulb is visible with its filament broken and hanging loose;

DeFi

Grayscale Launches Investment Fund for People Who Hate Themselves and Want to Lose All Their Money on Unproven Blockchain Nonsense

Oh boy, here we go again – another investment fund from Grayscale for the gullible masses who want to get in on the MakerDAO gravy train! […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Solana Is So Last Season and You’re Still Investing in Its Awful ETF

The eternal optimism of the cryptocurrency faithful never ceases to amuse me, as they continue to tout Solana ETFs despite all evidence pointing towards their inevitable […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old-fashioned money box with coins spilling out onto the ground. A modern smartphone lies next to it displaying a cryptocurrency chart plummeting downwards. In the background, two figures are shown: one is depicted as being chased by police while holding a briefcase full of cash; another figure stands still in front of a cityscape at night, looking worried and surrounded by broken chains symbolizing freedom from crime. The money box has a cracked lid with coins escaping through it, representing the loss associated with digital asset crimes.

Altcoins

Cryptocurrency: Because Who Needs Their Money Anyway

The Hong Kong Police Advisory Group is finally catching up with what we've known for years: cryptocurrency is a scam. Almost $550 million was involved in […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A group of men in suits and ties are gathered around a table covered in papers and pens; one man is holding up an empty briefcase while others look on nervously. In the background, there's a large whiteboard with scribbled notes about tokenization companies. The atmosphere feels tense as some figures glance at each other suspiciously. A few men stand by the window looking out into the distance, seemingly lost in thought.

Altcoins

CVM Finally Discovers Tokenization Is Literally Just Guys Making Stuff Up and Selling It to Unsuspecting People for Bitcoin

The Brazilian Securities Regulator CVM has finally woken up and realized that cryptocurrency is not as exciting as all those crypto bros made it out to […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of a smiling Senator Chuck Schumer holding hands with Vice President Kamala Harris and Senators Kristen Gillibrand and Debbie Stabenow, all standing together in front of an American flag waving high above them as they walk towards the rising sun on top of a hill covered by dollar bills. In their other hand each is holding one end of a rope that connects to a large anchor symbolizing stability with cryptocurrency coins floating around it. The background has subtle waves and ripples, suggesting movement forward into an uncertain but hopeful future.

Altcoins

Bipartisan Crypto Legislation Imminent 2024 Will Be the Year Your Grandma Loses Her Life Savings

The crypto bros are at it again! They think they can just wave their hands and make the laws of economics go away. Meanwhile, Senator Chuck […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting a chaotic, crumbling cityscape at dusk; buildings are on fire while smoke billows into the sky amidst falling debris. A giant clock tower stands central to this scene but is cracked and broken with its hands frozen in time just before midnight. In front of it lies an open book torn apart by flames as papers scatter around like autumn leaves, some caught aflame themselves. The ground beneath is littered with scattered coins from various countries including Turkey's lira alongside foreign currencies such as the US dollar and euro;

Altcoins

Turkey Is a Hot Mess Waiting to Happen and So Are You if 47 Companies Decide to Operate There Under New Crypto Regulations

Crypto, always a hot mess waiting to happen! You'd think that after all the scams, crashes and general chaos it's caused over the years, people would […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a rocket ship blasting off into space with flames engulfing its base. The rocket is labeled as 'Solana' and has an arrow pointing upwards towards the moon while several smaller rockets are shown falling back to earth, some exploding in mid-air. In the background, there's a faint image of Ethereum layer-2 solutions represented by tiny stars shining brightly but not quite reaching Solana's trajectory. The overall atmosphere is one of excitement mixed with caution as the rocket ship soars higher into space.

Crypto News

Solana to Reach the Moon: Experts Predict a 98% Chance You’ve Already Made All Your Money Elsewhere

The eternal question: can a cryptocurrency go up? In this case, it's not just about whether Solana (SOL) will rise, but if it'll even get out […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A Brazilian flag-waving bull breaks free from a cage labeled with the words 'ETF' and 'Solana', charging towards an open gate marked 'Brazil'. In the background, other bulls are trapped behind locked gates. The sky is filled with rising arrows indicating growth while in the distance, a giant bear looms over the landscape of despair. A pennant-shaped ribbon flies above the bull's head bearing the number 200 and below it, another ribbon reads $145.

Crypto News

Brazil Poised to Launch World’s First Spot Solana ETF Into the Depths of Despair Where It Belongs

And here we go again with more crypto bro nonsense! A Brazilian ETF for a cryptocurrency that's been trading at an "all time low" (read: still […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old man with a briefcase and walking stick standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking a valley filled with people holding coins in celebration below him; he is looking down relieved while his face shows signs of weariness. In the background there are clouds shaped like bitcoin symbols, some rising up to join them as others fade away into nothingness. The old man's clothes and briefcase have hints of Japanese culture incorporated into their design. A faint image of a clock ticking can be seen in one corner with its hands moving slowly towards 10 o'clock.

Altcoins

Mt Gox Creditors Left Hanging as Kraken Suddenly Realizes They’re Not Actually Gods

Well well well! Look at this mess of Mt.Gox coins finally getting distributed after almost 10 years and you know what? Nobody cares anymore because we […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Cryptocurrencies Still Not Worth the Effort to Understand Their Prices

Cryptocurrency is still trying to get its act together after a series of failed attempts at legitimacy. It's like watching a group of monkeys try to […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of two presidential candidates standing on either side of a large, open door with a sign that reads 'Solana ETFs'. One candidate is holding an American flag and wearing a suit while the other wears a red hat. The background features a calendar counting down to mid-March 2025. A clock in the top right corner shows November as the most important date. In one hand, the suited figure holds a veto stamp with 'Biden' written on it; his other hand is raised in defeat.

Altcoins

Solanas Last Stand: Analyst Still Holding Breath as Entire World Waits With Bated Breath for the Inevitable Collapse of Your ETF

The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me! They think that somehow, someway, their precious Solana ETF will magically get approved by mid-March […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of an empty stadium at night, lit only by faint lights in the distance and smoke rising from burning seats; a lone figure stands on top of one of the bleachers looking out over the desolate landscape with arms raised in despair as flames engulf the surrounding area below. In the foreground, shattered glass and broken debris scatter across the ground amidst scattered sports equipment like abandoned soccer balls and torn jerseys.

Altcoins

Crypto.com Signs Pact of Desperation With UEFA – We Predict 100% Rate of Catastrophic Failures and Ruined Sporting Dreams

The perfect marriage - cryptocurrency and football! Who wouldn't want their beloved sport sullied by shady financial dealings? Crypto.com has somehow managed to convince UEFA that […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

Ethereum

Ethereum ICO Whale Scores Life-Changing Windfall After Deciding Not to Panic and Sell at 3 AM on a Tuesday

Another day another dump in Ether's value because it turns out that even whales can't keep up with their own greed and get rich quick schemes! […]

Barry Thompson August 15, 2024

Bitcoin

Altseason Delayed Again Because Apparently We Need Two More Price Targets to Hit

Oh boy do I love it when these self-proclaimed crypto "experts" come out with their ridiculous predictions. So now we need Bitcoin to breach $70K and […]

Barry Thompson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a fireblock with flames rising from it, surrounded by various digital assets such as cryptocurrencies and NFTs being stored safely within the block's walls. The background is dark blue representing trust and security while the foreground has bright colors indicating growth and stability. A key in hand symbolizes access to these secure storage solutions for institutional clients. In the top left corner a New York city skyline with skyscrapers can be seen, signifying regulation under NYDFS. At the bottom right of the image is an anchor representing stability and reliability.

Altcoins

Fireblocks Gets Charter New York Still Thinks Crypto Custody Will Save Us All

You won't believe what's happening, but apparently some people are trying to make cryptocurrency custody "safe". Fireblocks has just been granted a charter from the state […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

Altcoins

US Bitcoin ETFs Still Not Worthless Despite Continuing Existence

The crypto bros are at it again! They're celebrating their precious Bitcoin ETFs making gains for the ninth day in a row because apparently that's something […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

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