Retail Investors

US Will Soon Legitimize Betting on a Completely Made-Up Thing and Call It Investing

The inevitable has happened - more numbskulls have convinced themselves they're going to get rich quick by investing in a currency made of thin air, courtesy […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration depicting Donald Trump standing on top of a mountain range in front of an American flag waving high up above him while Kamala Harris is shown at his feet looking down defeated as the background shows various graphs and charts showing rising numbers indicating a landslide victory for Trump. The scene is set against a bright blue sky with white fluffy clouds, symbolizing optimism and hope but also chaos and unpredictability in the form of scattered stormy weather symbols like lightning bolts and whirlwinds around him.

Crypto News

Astonishingly Unstoppable Donald Trump Set to Win 2024 Election in Crushing Landslide Defying All Logic Reason or Sanity

The recent surge in cryptocurrency prices has left many investors wondering if this is the start of another bull run or just a temporary blip on […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a smiling piggy bank with an open mouth full of coins surrounded by dollar signs floating in mid-air; it is standing on top of a pile of Argentine pesos and cryptocurrencies, all amidst a sunny landscape with palm trees swaying gently in the breeze. The background features a subtle image of Buenos Aires' iconic Obelisco de Buenos Aires monument at sunset. A faint outline of an exchange rate chart can be seen above the piggy bank's head.

Altcoins

Argentina Embraces New Era of Tax Evasion and Fiscal Irresponsibility, Because Who Needs a Budget Anyway

You know who's really good at hiding money? Cryptocurrency enthusiasts in Argentina! They've been stashing it away for years without paying any tax on it - […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration of a person standing on top of a mountain range with their arms outstretched towards the sky as they hold up a lantern. In the background is an image of a cityscape at night with skyscrapers and buildings lit up in shades of blue and purple, while below them are dark shadows representing corruption and crime. The mountainside behind the person has cracks and fissures that seem to be spreading apart revealing more light from within as if something new is emerging.

Crypto News

DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program Because Someone Finally Realized You Can’t Bribe People to Stop Being Suckers With Free Money

More like "DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program for Gullible Idiots Who Invested in Crypto". Because let's face it, if you're stupid enough to invest in cryptocurrency […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of an old-fashioned money pump with blood dripping from it, surrounded by falling coins and dollar signs; at its base lies a broken Bitcoin symbol amidst scattered papers labeled 'ETF' and 'Losses'. In the background is a faint image of two people running away in opposite directions. The scene takes place on a darkened city street littered with trash cans overflowing with worthless currency notes, while above looms an ominous moonlit sky filled by fluttering dollar signs that seem to be falling towards the ground like autumn leaves.

Crypto News

US Crypto Bro ETFs Are Literally Bleeding Money Because Apparently Nobody Told Them That Investing in Bitcoin Is a Recipe for Disaster

It seems like another day, another dollar lost by crypto bros who still can't figure out that their precious Bitcoin ETFs are nothing but money pits […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a sinking ship labeled as "ETF" while an anchor is being pulled out from its hull by two laughing figures holding briefcases and wearing suits in the background; nearby sea creatures are swimming away with coins attached to their fins, amidst waves marked 'outflows' crashing against rocks. In the foreground, another figure stands on the shore looking at a map of the ocean labeled "ETH reserves" while pointing towards an island called "market capitalization". The sky is filled with dark clouds and lightning bolts strike in the distance.

Crypto News

US Ethereum ETFs Are Being Sold for Pennies on the Dollar While Their Sponsors Laugh All the Way to the Bank

The cryptocurrency world is a dumpster fire and it's only getting worse! It seems like every day we get to see another ETF fail miserably or […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a proud-looking kid standing on top of an American flag with his arms raised in defiance while being chased by angry regulators represented as wolves wearing business suits. The background is filled with flames and smoke indicating conflict or war. In one hand he holds a megaphone that has been torn apart, suggesting the loss of voice for his cause. A large blockchain symbol floats above him representing modern technologies mentioned in the article. He wears a crown made from dollar signs signifying wealth but also implying arrogance.

Crypto News

Messari Declares Independence From Reality and Realizes That Being a Whiny Little Rich Kid Is Not as Fun Without an Audience

It seems like Ryan Selkis is finally realizing that cryptocurrency is a joke - not because it's some revolutionary new technology (it isn't), but because of […]

Doug Martinez August 15, 2024

Crypto News

Aave’s Resurgence Proves Once Again That You Can Still Lose All Your Money on the Internet

The grand return of Aave hitting new ATHs in weekly borrowers is just what we all needed – another reminder that cryptocurrency investors are still delusional […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

Bitcoin

US Politicians Finally Get It Right About Bitcoin – Now They Just Need to Actually Understand What That Means

Another day another bunch of politicians making promises they can't keep about Bitcoin, because what's more fun than watching them get their fingers burned on this […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration of a French flag waving above the Eiffel Tower while being surrounded by various crypto symbols (e.g. Bitcoin, Ethereum) that are slowly falling into place like puzzle pieces to form a larger image of Europe with MiCA regulation written across it; below this scene is an open book representing compliance and regulations with strict rules drawn around its pages in red ink. In the background there's a subtle clock ticking away towards December 2024 as a reminder for market participants to prepare ahead of time.

Crypto News

French Regulators Finally Crack Down on Crypto Scammers by Accepting Their Applications

It's about time the French took some actual action against these crypto bros who've been scamming people left and right. But let's be real here - […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

Bitcoin

Coinbase Just Asked for Permission Again and Guess Who Said No This Time

The never-ending saga of Coinbase vs. the world! Or, in this case, against a court decision they don't like. Because what's more fun than trying to […]

Doug Martinez August 15, 2024

An illustration depicting an empty wallet with torn pages falling out as money is being blown away by strong winds in the background; A broken bridge lies on the ground nearby, while a few scattered ZKAS tokens are visible. In the distance, two figures (representing team members) can be seen walking away from the scene without looking back. The sky above has dark clouds with lightning bolts striking down towards the empty wallet. At the bottom of the illustration is an image of a calendar page torn out to reveal only July 29th marked in red ink;

Crypto News

Zkasinos: Because Who Needs Your Money Back Anyway?

The cryptocurrency space is rife with scams, folks! And ZKasino's antics are just another example of how these projects fleece unsuspecting users out of their hard-earned […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

An illustration depicting a person sitting at their desk surrounded by old computer parts, laptops and desktops with wires connecting them all together in a chaotic mess; to one side there is an empty chair next to a modern sleek laptop that stands out starkly from the rest of the clutter. The background has faded into darkness while the foreground remains bright. In front of the person's face their hands are clasped tightly around something, with fingers white-knuckled in tension as they stare intensely at it;

Bitcoin

Lenovo Makes Billions and Suddenly Everyone Remembers They Had a Computer at Home

You know what they say: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." But when a Chinese company like Lenovo makes billions in revenue while beating estimates […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

An illustration of four individuals in casual clothing standing around a table with stacks of banknotes on it; one person is holding up a large wad of cash while the others look at them seemingly unimpressed or confused. In the background, there's an image of cryptocurrency prices fluctuating wildly and people looking worried as they stare at their phones displaying these changes. The individuals are all wearing casual summer clothing with sunglasses on to give off a relaxed vibe but also appear somewhat out of place amidst the chaos in the background.

Crypto News

Hong Kong Police Catch Quartet Who Clearly Had No Idea What They Were Doing With Counterfeit Banknotes Because It’s Not Like That Was the Whole Point

Hong Kong Police Arrest Quartet Accused of Using Counterfeit Banknotes to Swindle Crypto Traders - because what's more exciting than reading about crypto scams? It seems […]

Sam Rogers August 15, 2024

An illustration of a judge's gavel being held by an arm that is trying to break free from chains while in the background, Coinbase and SEC logos are intertwined with broken locks as they both try to hold onto each other but ultimately slip away amidst chaos. A torn piece of paper floats above them showing a calendar date 2021 March. In the foreground, two opposing hands holding different ends of a rope that is being pulled apart by unseen forces. The hand on one end has a key in its palm while the other holds an anchor with broken chains around it.

Crypto News

Coinbase Loses It Over Being Held Accountable for Not Following Laws

It looks like another day in crypto land where everyone is trying to cover their tracks! The real question here is what's going on with Coinbase? […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a giant hammer smashing into an inflated balloon with dollar signs and broken chains attached to it; in the background, people running away from falling debris amidst chaos. The shattered remains of the balloon are floating upwards while its fragments fall down towards the ground below. A faint outline of a clock can be seen on one side of the illustration, ticking backwards as time runs out. In contrast, other areas depict scenes of growth and abundance with lush greenery sprouting from cracks in the pavement amidst scattered dollar bills.

Altcoins

Ethereum ETF Investors Just Got Served a 300 Billion Dollar Reality Check

Another day, another bunch of suckers losing their shirts on cryptocurrency! It's like they say: "If you want to make a small fortune in crypto, start […]

Kevin Nelson August 15, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon Senator Chuck Schumer standing on top of an iceberg, wearing sunglasses and holding hands with Vice President Kamala Harris as she stands at its edge; below them is a sea of confused-looking politicians from both parties swimming towards each other amidst waves labeled 'Regulation', 'Innovation' and 'Crypto'; in the background are two opposing mountains: one covered in snowflakes representing Republican Party policies, and another with flames rising up to represent Democratic Party hostility. Schumer's arms stretch out wide as he gestures toward Harris;

Crypto News

Chuck Schumers Secret Plan to Save Crypto by Making It Even More Ridiculous Than Its Already Been

Cryptocurrency is a scam, folks! And it looks like even some of its biggest supporters are starting to get on board with that idea. Senator Chuck […]

Linda Williams August 15, 2024

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We are the internet’s finest destination for poking fun at the wild world of cryptocurrency! We transform the bewildering jargon and frantic hype of the crypto market into a comedy spectacle that’s almost as volatile as crypto itself.