Retail Investors

An illustration of a rollercoaster with bitcoin symbols (BTC) and dollar signs ($), rising in value as it climbs, while at its peak, several ETF logos are shown falling off the tracks amidst chaos, representing speculation and desperation. The background is filled with swirling financial charts and graphs. A calm landscape below shows investors watching from afar, seemingly unphased by the turmoil above. In contrast to the rollercoaster's chaotic ascent, a steady line of people walking towards it represents stability and confidence in their investment choices.

Bitcoin: Because Who Needs Stable Currency When You Can Have a Wild Ride on the Rollercoaster of Speculation and Desperation

What's next for these Bitcoin ETFs? Will they continue to attract billions of dollars in inflows, or will it all come crashing down like a house […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an empty wallet with its zipper open revealing nothing inside but two algorithms floating above it holding briefcases filled with money while ether tokens float around them; one algorithm is shown looking at a computer screen displaying the market capitalization and exchange rates. The scene takes place in front of a cityscape background representing financial markets, with buildings labeled as exchanges and trading platforms. In the foreground, there are scattered papers on the ground showing various cryptocurrency prices and charts.

Altcoins

ETH: Because Who Needs Actual Ownership When You Can Just Trust Some Algorithm With 3 Billion Dollars Worth of Your Money

Let me tell you something about these so-called "Ethereum ETFs". They're just fancy ways for investors to throw their money at Ethereum without actually having to […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoonish graph showing an upward trend in cryptocurrency trading volume; two giant hands grasping each other across a chasm filled with coins of various denominations and symbols representing different cryptocurrencies. The background features swirling shapes resembling digital waves, while at the top, several institutional logos are visible amidst clouds of rising smoke from burning cash notes. In the foreground, a large stablecoin is shown being poured into an overflowing bucket labeled "Crypto-to-crypto trades".

Crypto News

Crypto Madness Ensues as 95% Surge in H1 Volume Proves That Institutions Still Can’t Get Enough of Your Money

It's all about making money off gullible idiots who still think this nonsense will make them rich quick! Institutional interest? Ha! They're just in it for […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a university campus scene at night: students walking towards the cafeteria; some are holding cups or bags from copy shops while others look up at digital screens displaying cryptocurrency exchange rates. A large screen in front displays Ckbtc and Bitcoin prices side by side, showing an upward trend. In the background, two figures representing Ditobanx and ICP Hub Mexico stand together with outstretched arms as if welcoming students to use cryptocurrencies for payments. The campus is illuminated by a warm glow of digital screens and neon lights reflecting off wet pavement.

Crypto News

Ditobanx and ICP Hub Mexico Launch Initiative to Turn University Students Into Cryptocurrency Guinea Pigs for Profit

The crypto bros are at it again! This time they're trying to brainwash Mexican university students into thinking that cryptocurrency has value by giving them $5 […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an old-fashioned clockwork mechanism with gears jammed together as steam escapes through broken pipes; nearby lies discarded coal amidst scattered papers on which various Russian symbols are scribbled, while a faint image of a cryptocurrency mining rig can be seen in the background covered by dust and cobwebs. In contrast to this scene, there is an isolated section where modern computer hardware components glow softly under dim light as they seem to operate smoothly despite being disconnected from their surroundings;

Crypto News

Russia’s Quest for Regulatory Sanity Ends in Catastrophic Failure Due to Idiotic Banning of Crypto Mining

The eternal quest for Russian lawmakers to regulate something they clearly don’t understand – this time it’s cryptocurrency mining! Who needs clear rules when you can […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration: A determined-looking figure stands firm amidst a stormy sea with waves crashing down around them. The figure holds onto an anchor that reads "HODL" in bold letters, while nearby is a sinking ship labeled "$15K". In the distance, another wave crashes against rocks marked "$3K", but the figure remains steadfast and unphased by the turbulent waters. A faint outline of Peter Schiff's face can be seen on one of the waves, looking worried as he tries to warn others about the impending doom. The background is a deep blue with flashes of lightning illuminating the dark sky.

Bitcoin

Peter Schiff Still Can’t Get People to Agree With Him Even When He’s Right About the Imminent Collapse of Bitcoin

Well well well! Look who's trying to stir up some drama about Bitcoin investors refusing to part with their precious. Peter Schiff is at it again, […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon grandma sits at a computer desk surrounded by shopping bags from online stores; her eyes fixed on the screen as she clicks away. In front of her is an open laptop displaying Telegram's Hamster Kombat game window filled with cute hamsters running and playing, while in another tab cryptocurrency prices are shown fluctuating rapidly. A smartphone lies next to a cup of coffee, its display showing various online shopping apps; grandma holds the phone as she scrolls through them.

Crypto News

Russians Overwhelmingly Aware of Cryptocurrency Because They’ve Seen It in Their Grandma’s Online Shopping Cart

Cryptocurrency is all over Russia like a bad rash - everyone's heard of it but nobody actually knows what they're doing. Meanwhile Hamster Kombat is stuck […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a judge's gavel striking down an image of a red "X" over a cryptic Ponzi scheme pyramid with people falling off its sides and landing safely in their own wallets amidst rising cryptocurrency symbols, all set against a backdrop of Indian law books. A green checkmark rises from the base of the pyramid into the air as it crumbles. The scene is filled with ascending arrows indicating growth and stability. In the foreground, an image of India's national emblem appears on top of a stack of coins representing legal clarity amidst rising cryptocurrency symbols.

Crypto News

India Finally Decides Not to Be Totalitarian Regime and Allows People to Make Their Own Financial Choices, Shocking Nobody

So another High Court in India has decided to join the ranks of those who think cryptocurrency isn't a scam for idiots and criminals (or at […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant roulette wheel spinning out of control on top of Moscow Exchange building with money flying everywhere and people running away from it while St Petersburg Exchange building stands nearby looking calm, as if ready to handle the chaos. The scene is set at night under bright moonlight with stars shining in the sky above. In the foreground, there are scattered banknotes and coins amidst broken glass and debris. A faint image of a cryptocurrency symbol can be seen on one of the flying money pieces.

Crypto News

Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location

Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old mansion with broken windows, overgrown garden, and cobwebs everywhere, surrounded by nine small buildings each representing one ETF fund; five have lights on while four do not, the sky is darkening. In the foreground, Grayscale's Ethereum Trust (ETHE) building has a large "Sold" sign above it as money flows out of its doors into an open grave with a tombstone reading "$1.51 billion". A ghostly figure in the background holds a candle and looks at ETHE mournfully. The mansion is surrounded by chains, representing confinement or loss.

Crypto News

US ETH Investment Vehicles: Where Your Money Goes to Die and Haunt You for Eternity

I love days like these when even crypto bros can't pretend that their precious 'investments' aren't hemorrhaging value faster than a wounded shark's lifeblood! Grayscale is […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a magician pulling out money from thin air with dollar and pound signs swirling around him. The background is filled with graphs showing economic data in red and green colors indicating rising or falling trends. A calendar on the wall shows September highlighted as it's being pulled towards the foreground by an invisible force, symbolizing the impending interest rate cut decision of the Federal Reserve. In the bottom left corner a faint image of two hands shaking can be seen through a broken glass window hinting at market volatility and uncertainty.

Crypto News

Fed’s Secret Plan to Steal Your Money Through Magic Numbers Looming

I'm not sure why anyone would still be investing their money in the stock market after all these years. It's like playing a game of roulette […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old man with a briefcase and walking stick standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking a valley filled with people holding coins in celebration below him; he is looking down relieved while his face shows signs of weariness. In the background there are clouds shaped like bitcoin symbols, some rising up to join them as others fade away into nothingness. The old man's clothes and briefcase have hints of Japanese culture incorporated into their design. A faint image of a clock ticking can be seen in one corner with its hands moving slowly towards 10 o'clock.

Altcoins

Mt Gox Creditors Left Hanging as Kraken Suddenly Realizes They’re Not Actually Gods

Well well well! Look at this mess of Mt.Gox coins finally getting distributed after almost 10 years and you know what? Nobody cares anymore because we […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Texas Just Found a New Way to Reward Irresponsibility and Noise Pollution With a Free Pass for Bitcoin Miners

So, let's get this straight: a Bitcoin mine in Texas was making so much noise that over 40 people complained about it. And what did they […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a hacker in a hoodie sitting on top of a stack of computer servers wearing sunglasses looking down at two large piles of money, one pile is labeled as "XRP" while the other has "$6.2 million". The background shows a cityscape with skyscrapers representing Manila and there are several broken security cameras hanging from the buildings indicating hacking activity. A red circle surrounds the hacker's head to draw attention. In the foreground, two men in suits can be seen walking away looking worried as they glance back at the scene behind them.

Crypto News

Philippines Charges 2 Russians in $6.2 Million XRP Theft Because Clearly Two Guys From Russia Were Just Hanging Around the Philippines Looking for a Good Heist

Well well, it looks like another day in paradise for crypto enthusiasts! Two Russian nationals have been charged with stealing $6.2 million worth of XRP from […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of a grandma holding an umbrella with Bitcoin logos and dollar signs falling from it as she stands on top of a mountain range labeled "Decentralization" while below her is a cityscape representing regulatory overreach, where people are running away from rain. In the background there's a group of suits in fancy clothes looking worried at their watches. The grandma has a determined look and one hand extended towards the sky as if calling for more free money to come down.

Crypto News

Bitcoin’s Last Hope: A Desperate Plea for More Free Money From Grandmas So the Bitcoin Policy Institute Can Keep Its Overpaid Consultants in Fancy Suits

In a move as predictable as it is pathetic, the Bitcoin Policy Institute has launched yet another futile attempt to prop up its beloved cryptocurrency with […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin ETFs Erupt Into 100 Billion Dollar Bubble of Pure Fictitious Wealth

Cryptocurrency: because who needs real wealth when you can have fake numbers printed out by computers? It's not like we've learned anything from history about tulip […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration of an Egyptian man sitting on a couch surrounded by empty cans and bottles while watching TV. The background is dimly lit but there's a faint glow from the screen showing images of beer advertisements. He looks relaxed with his eyes closed, seemingly enjoying himself. A few Moussy beers are placed in front of him along with some snacks like chips and popcorn. His family members sit on either side of him looking happy and content as well. The atmosphere is casual and laid-back indicating a fun night at home watching TV together.

Bitcoin

Brewers Discover Secret to Making Money: Not Charging for Beer (

You think you can just tap into zero-alcohol beer growth and rake it all in? Well let me tell you something my friends. In a region […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an Ethereum blockchain as a highway system during rush hour with cars moving at different speeds; some are stuck in traffic while others speed by freely; the background shows varying gas prices displayed like road signs. In the foreground, two contrasting scenes: to the left, people waiting patiently for buses (representing retail users) and on the right, large trucks speeding past them unimpeded (symbolizing wholesale buyers).

Crypto News

Ethereum Gas Fees: Now Suddenly Too Low Because Apparently We Were All Just Imagining Those $50+ Charges Last Week

Here we go again - another year, another round of “Ethereum’s gas fees are too high” articles in the crypto press. Or so it seems – […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of an adult standing at the entrance of a wild party with arms crossed while looking sternly inside; people dancing wildly out of control in the background; one person is shown crashing to the ground. The adult's foot is raised as if about to step into the room, but hesitates mid-air. In contrast, another illustration shows an empty space next to it where a child would be expected, with only darkness and shadows present. A faint image of a parent or guardian can be seen in the distance watching over from afar through a window.

Bitcoin

SEC Stamps Its Foot Down on Crypto Industry’s Wild Party Demands Everyone Just Let Them Get Drunk and Crash Without Any Adult Supervision

The Digital Chamber (TDC) thinks that cryptocurrency should be free from regulation? Give me a break! They're just another group of apologists for the crypto bros […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration: A large money bean is surrounded by smaller ones in the background while being held up high above two countries on either side, both shown as small islands and engulfed in a cloud-like substance representing cocaine smoke. The larger money bean has several strings attached to it that go through various shell company buildings with dollar signs floating around them. In the foreground, an image of Cartier's luxury goods is being torn apart by chains while USDT coins are falling from above like rain.

Crypto News

Cartier Family Member Indicted for Using Magic Money Beans to Launder Entire Small Countries in International Cocaine Cartel Scandal

Crypto: where you can launder hundreds of millions in drug money and still get invited to fancy parties! It's like the ultimate badge of honor among […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon figure representing Vanguard is standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking an ocean, while in the background several figures are jumping off into the water below labeled "Crypto ETFs". The Vanguard character has its arms crossed and appears to be looking away from the jumpers. In contrast, nearby waves show calm waters with some boats sailing on them representing stable investments. A small boat is approaching a safe harbor marked by lighthouses indicating protection against risks.

Bitcoin

New Vanguard CEO Still Not Stupid Enough to Jump Off the Crypto Cliff

So Vanguard is finally wise enough not to jump into this crypto trainwreck yet. Only time will tell if they're smart or just scared, but I'll […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

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