Regulation/Negotiation

An illustration of a group of people standing at an entrance of a club wearing party hats but looking sad or disappointed with their faces downcast while others are walking away from them in opposite direction. The background is darkened, only lit by faint neon lights indicating that it's late night/early morning hours and the atmosphere feels gloomy despite being near a nightclub setting. One person at the entrance holds an invitation card but looks uninterested as well.

Failed Crypto Execs Form New Club Because No One Wants to Talk to Them Anymore

Well isn't this just peachy! A bunch of former execs from a failed cryptocurrency project are trying to salvage their reputations with some desperate attempts at […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Australian Regulator Finally Gets Off Their Lazy Behind to Do Something About the Entire Industry Being an Unmitigated Disaster

A bunch of cryptocurrency scams got shut down in Australia. About time too! It's not like we haven't been saying this for years: crypto is a […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

An illustration of two Ethereum traders, one dressed as a fisherman casting his line into dark waters while another stands at the edge looking worried. The water is filled with sharks representing frontrunners and other sea creatures symbolizing complex transactions. A few private order flow boats are seen sailing away from the chaos in the distance. In the foreground, gas prices rise like waves crashing against a shore marked "Public Queue". At nightfall, city lights illuminate blockbuilders' headquarters as they cast their lines into dark pools below.

Crypto News

Private Transactions: Because Your Grandma’s Ethereum Trades Are Now Being Used as Bait by High-Frequency Traders to Make You Poor

Well, isn't it just peachy! The land of crypto has now become so convoluted even its own users don’t want anyone else in. They’re opting for […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Germany Just Saved the World From 13 More Ridiculous Crypto ATMs That Clearly Had No Business Existing in the First Place

I guess some people still think cryptocurrency can't get any more embarrassing for its proponents. Here we have Germany's top financial regulator shutting down 13 unauthorized […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

An illustration of a whale wearing sunglasses with an expression of shock or surprise as he looks at his wallet which is empty except for a few coins on the ground below him; in the background there are two people running away from each other, one holding a briefcase and looking back over their shoulder while the other has a phone to their ear. The whale's body language conveys panic with his fins raised up towards the sky as he stands amidst scattered papers and broken glass on the ground around him;

Crypto News

Crypto Whale Just Can’t Get Enough of Losing His Stupid Money

You know what they say about greed: "Greed is a bottomless pit which eventually loses its floor." And who better to exemplify this than the gullible […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Cardano ADA Price Spikes Mysteriously for Reasons Nobody Can Explain and Everyone Should Invest Immediately

The price is up because some people think it's going up? Classic crypto bro reasoning here. You'd be surprised how well that works on gullible idiots […]

Kevin Nelson August 22, 2024

An illustration: A large coin with cracked and broken pieces is shown on top of an empty treasure chest; below it are several smaller coins scattered around a pile of worthless papers representing lost assets; to one side lies a small percentage sign (%) made from the fragments of another coin, while at the other end stands a lone figure looking hopeful in front of a rising graph showing increasing value. The background is dark with hints of light coming through cracks and broken pieces suggesting hope amidst loss.

Bitcoin

FTX Creditors Prove Once and for All That Even When You’ve Lost Everything, a 5% Chance Is Still Better Than No Chance at All

FTX: because who needs to be solvent when you can declare bankruptcy and still get people to vote with their wallets? I mean, it's not like […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of a grandmother's garage with an old computer on a table next to a sign that says "Crypto Operation" while being surrounded by police tape; there are also some cryptocurrency symbols scattered around the floor in front of it; outside is written "$100 Licensing Fee". The background shows Hong Kong cityscape. In the foreground, two officers from the SFC stand with their arms crossed looking at each other and shaking their heads as they look back at the garage operation. A small dog runs out of the garage while a cat looks down from an upstairs window;

Crypto News

Hong Kong Shuts Down Your Grandma’s Garage Crypto Operation Because She Refused to Pay the $100 Licensing Fee

The eternal struggle between regulators trying to bring some semblance of order to the Wild West that is cryptocurrency trading continues! It's like they say: you […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Aptos Foundation Teams Up With Web3 Streaming Platform Because Clearly What the World Needs Is Another Useless Token to Clutter Our Already Overcrowded Inboxes of Despair

The world is full of idiots who can’t see the writing on the wall, folks! Cryptocurrency enthusiasts are still clutching onto their worthless coins like they're […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of a basketball player, Jimmy Butler in his Miami Heat jersey and holding a Binance branded basketball with broken chains around it. The background is filled with falling cryptocurrencies from the lawsuit list: SOL, ADA, MATIC, FIL, ATOM, SAND, MANA, ALGO, AXS, COTI. In front of him are two large coins labeled as "BUSD" and "BNB". A faint image of a judge's gavel is seen in the distance with broken chains around it too. The basketball player has his arms outstretched upwards while looking down at the falling cryptocurrencies.

Bitcoin

Miami Heat Star Gets Caught Up in Crypto Scandal Because Who Needs Personal Responsibility When You Can Just Blame Binance

The cryptocurrency space is at it again, folks. This time we have NBA star Jimmy Butler and crypto YouTuber Ben Armstrong getting sued for promoting Binance's […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin’s Hot Streak Continues to Melt Down Your Entire Life Savings

The never-ending circus that is crypto continues! We've got ETFs inflating like balloons at a children's birthday party - or should I say, deflating? Who needs […]

Sam Rogers August 22, 2024

An illustration: A bearish whale in its mom's basement surrounded by computer screens displaying Ethereum charts with red lines indicating a downward trend; nearby is an open book titled 'Ethereum 101' on the floor next to a broken calculator and scattered papers showing various numbers including $2,300 and $3,050. The background shows a faint image of Gary Gensler's face in the news headlines about him being considered as Treasury Secretary candidate. In one corner is an empty chair with 'Leveraged Traders' written on it;

Bitcoin

Ethereum (ETH) Price Down Today Because of Totally Not Predictable Reasons Like a Bunch of Guys in Their Mom’s Basement Getting Disappointed Again

It's not like anyone is surprised that Ethereum (ETH) dropped 3.75% on Aug. 20 - after all, what else would happen when a bunch of crypto […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon bank executive sits at a desk amidst chaos; papers are scattered everywhere; his computer screen displays an image of a hacker in sunglasses holding up a "Gotcha" sign while regulators stand behind him with handcuffs ready to be applied, as he looks on in despair and confusion. The background is filled with images of data breaches and cybersecurity warnings flashing by like TV screens. In the corner, three empty chairs sit at his table representing the departing executives; one chair has a note that reads "See you later".

Bitcoin

Crypto Bank Execs Suffer Existential Crisis After Their Friends Steal Everyone’s Info and Get Caught by Regulators

The crypto bros are really getting burned now! Three execs at a bank that's friendly with cryptocurrency have left their jobs due to regulatory crackdowns - […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of a sinking ship with its hull cracked open revealing an empty treasure chest at its center; flames engulfing part of the vessel's stern while smoke billows out from other areas; debris scattered across the water around it. In the background, a faint outline of a cityscape can be seen through the haze and darkness. The sky above is painted with hues of orange-red as if reflecting the intense heat emanating from the shipwreck. A few seagulls fly overhead in distress amidst the chaos below; their silhouettes stark against the fiery backdrop.

Bitcoin

Terraform Labs: The Crypto Company That Somehow Managed to Bleed Money for Almost Two Years Before Realizing It Was a Bad Idea

Well folks it looks like another crypto company is about to meet its maker! Terraform Labs' impending bankruptcy hearing could be the nail in the coffin […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

An illustration of an endless spiral vortex with various cryptocurrencies trapped inside it at different levels. The currencies are depicted as colorful balls that have lost their shape and size due to being stuck for so long. Some of them appear broken or fragmented while others seem intact but frozen in time, unable to escape the gravitational pull of the vortex. In the center of the spiral is a large void where one can see fragments of tokens with negative price impact scattered around it.

Crypto News

Hacked Cryptocurrencies Forever Stuck in Vortex of Eternal Pricelessness

The crypto bros are at it again! They can't even secure their own little toys. It's like they expect us all to just sit back and […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of a globe divided into two halves by the UAE border line with one half filled in red to represent instability while the other is green representing stability as Tether's new stablecoin pegged to AED flows from left to right through pipes connecting both sides, symbolizing economic balance and growth amidst currency fluctuations.

Crypto News

Tether Launches New Stablecoin That Won’t Single-Handedly Cause Another Global Economic Collapse Anytime Soon With UAE Partners

Crypto bros are at it again! They're always touting the next big thing in cryptocurrency - stablecoins pegged to whatever fiat currency is hot right now […]

Kevin Nelson August 22, 2024

An illustration depicting Grimace, the purple mascot from McDonald's, holding a bag of money with $700,000 written in it while standing next to an empty Solana wallet. In the background is a large red X symbolizing failure and loss. A faint image of a rug being pulled can be seen at the bottom left corner of the illustration. Grimace has a shocked expression on his face as he looks down at the money bag, with one hand covering his mouth in surprise. The overall style is comic book-inspired with bold lines and vibrant colors.

Crypto News

McDonalds Instagram Hacked by Clearly Not a Genius Who Was Bored on Sunday Afternoon

Oh please, like we didn't see this coming! Another day another dollar (or in this case $700K) lost due to some script kiddie hacking into a […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Crypto News

MEV Bots: Because Who Needs Human Intelligence When You Can Just Steal From DeFi Protocols and Call It a Day

The never-ending saga of crypto scams continues! It seems like just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, another MEV bot […]

Doug Martinez August 22, 2024

An illustration of an eagle soaring upwards through clouds while its wings are engulfed by flames and smoke; at the base is a large anchor symbolizing stability. The background features two converging trendlines forming a triangle with BNB's price chart inside, indicating upward momentum but also potential for reversal due to bearish technical indicators. A few scattered short liquidation symbols float away from the eagle as it rises above them. In the distance, three figures are shown walking towards each other in unison while holding briefcases and wearing business attire;

Bitcoin

BNB Price Skyrockets Because Clearly the Only Thing That Matters Is Binance’s Unwavering Commitment to Being Sued by Investors

The reason we're talking about Binance's compliance team is because they've been sued by three crypto investors who claim their assets were stolen due to lack […]

Sam Rogers August 22, 2024

An illustration of a pig wearing sunglasses standing on top of a pile of money bags with dollar signs flying out from the center. The pig is surrounded by broken chains and shattered glass representing failure. A large cryptocurrency symbol (e.g., Bitcoin) looms above, partially obscured by clouds that resemble smoke or steam indicating chaos. In the background, a bank building lies in ruins amidst flames and destruction signifying collapse.

Bitcoin

Former Bank CEO Sentenced to Prison for Being a Moron Who Thought He Could Outsmart the Entire Financial System and Make Millions on Crypto by Stealing From His Own Customers

Well well well. Looks like another crypto bro's scheme has blown up (pun intended). This time it was a former bank CEO who decided to get […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

Bitcoin

AVAX Token Fund: Where Gullible Investors Come to Get Their Wallets Vomited on by Unbridled Speculation

So another bunch of gullible investors are about to throw their money at Grayscale's latest fund for the AVAX token. Because what could possibly go wrong […]

Linda Williams August 22, 2024

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