Hack Archives - Page 5 of 11 - Cryptobro Magazine

An illustration of Avraham “Avi” Eisenberg standing at a shooting gallery with various targets labeled as commodities fraud, manipulation, wire fraud, judgment of acquittal, new trial, Commodities Exchange Act (CEA), swaps or mixed swaps under the CEA and interstate wires. He is holding an empty rifle pointing towards these targets while wearing a determined expression on his face. In the background there are several broken glass bottles with labels that read "fundamental errors", "legal flaws" and "evidentiary issues".

Mango Marksman Seeks Get Out of Jail Free Card

The eternal saga of crypto bros trying to wriggle out of their messes continues! Avraham Eisenberg thinks he can just waltz away from his conviction on […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon New York City skyline with a giant pyramid scheme bubble bursting above it; inside the cityscape are people from different ethnic backgrounds looking relieved as they walk away from falling cryptocurrency coins and dollar signs. In the foreground, two figures representing Attorney General Letitia James stand triumphantly holding a "Justice" banner while pointing at the shattered remains of the pyramid scheme bubble in the background.

Crypto News

New York Cracks Down on Crypto Pyramid Schemes Targeting Immigrants: It’s About Time the City Took Action Against Those Scammers Who Were Clearly Just Trying to Make a Quick Buck Off Unsuspecting New Yorkers

Well isn’t this just peachy? The crypto bros are getting what’s coming to them! Another day, another pyramid scheme falls apart. I mean seriously, how many […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a Secret Service agent, dressed in black tactical gear with sunglasses on, standing over a cryptocurrency exchange terminal that has been hacked into by cyber thieves who are depicted as cartoonish figures running away from the scene amidst explosions and flames; the background is darkened to emphasize the action. The agent's hand holds an axe-like tool used for hacking electronic devices while their other arm points towards the fleeing hackers, conveying authority over a chaotic situation.

Altcoins

US Senate Introduces Bill to Unleash Fierce Fury Upon Crypto Bro Wannabes

Well, isn't that just peachy? The crypto bros are finally getting what's coming to them - a good ol' fashioned beatdown from the US Secret Service! […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A dark web marketplace scene with two men sitting behind computer screens. One man is holding a briefcase full of cryptocurrency while the other holds up a bag containing heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine and LSD packets. In the background, thousands of vendors' stalls are visible selling various illicit goods. The atmosphere is dimly lit with neon lights reflecting off wet pavement. A "for sale" sign hangs above each stall displaying items such as counterfeit currency, stolen credit card information, precious metals and cash.

Crypto News

US Charges Empire Market Operators for Selling Heroin and Stuff Online Because They Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do With Their Lives

Empire Market: where you can buy all your illicit goods with ease! Because what's better than buying heroin on the internet? I mean who needs face-to-face […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an endless cycle with arrows pointing both clockwise and counterclockwise around it; at its center lies a trapped figure surrounded by broken chains while holding onto coins that resemble bitcoin symbols; the background is filled with swirling financial charts. In one corner stands a rising stock market graph next to falling graphs in another, indicating contrasting trends between assets like Bitcoin and Ethereum. The overall atmosphere conveys desperation amidst fluctuating markets.

Crypto News

Bitcoin Investors Realize They’ve Been Trapped in a Never-Ending Cycle of Financial Desperation

Oh joy, another day, another influx of gullible idiots throwing their money at US spot bitcoin ETFs like they're going out of style! Meanwhile, ether ETFs […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an astronaut floating above Earth's atmosphere with a parachute attached behind him; he is holding onto a large balloon labeled as 'Solana' while it inflates rapidly from being pierced by thousands of tiny arrows, each representing regulatory approvals. The background features various national flags waving gently in the wind and several other balloons drifting away into space.

Crypto News

Brazilian Regulators Approve Spot ETF for Solana Because Clearly That Was the Only Reason It Needed to Exist

Oh boy, here we go again! Another cryptocurrency trying to make it big by getting approved for a traditional investment product. I mean, who needs actual […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon piggy bank with its mouth wide open as it's being blown away by strong winds while holding onto several balloons labeled 'Bitcoin', 'ETF' and '$188 million'. The background is filled with falling coins. In the distance, an image of Morgan Stanley can be seen in flames surrounded by smoke. A faint outline of a calendar shows June 30th highlighted. At the bottom left corner, there's a small piggy bank lying on its side spilling out money while crying tears made from dollar signs.

Altcoins

Morgan Stanley Blows Entire 401k Fund on Bitcoin Trust Because Who Needs Retirement Anyway

The gullible idiots are at it again! Morgan Stanley has apparently decided that throwing a few hundred million dollars into BlackRock's Bitcoin Trust is a good […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration featuring three figures standing at different heights with one figure significantly shorter than the others; two taller figures holding large bags while the third smaller figure holds an empty bag looking down dejectedly amidst scattered coins and broken chains. The background is darkened to emphasize contrast between light and shadow. A faint glow emanates from a nearby pile of gold, symbolizing success or wealth. In this scene, one can infer that those who have achieved greater heights are the ones holding onto their gains while others struggle with loss.

Crypto News

Blackrock and Fidelity Are Killing It in Crypto While One Major Player Is Getting Left Behind Like a Sad Sack With No Bitcoin

The crypto bros can't even get it right when it comes to ETFs! Blackrock's ETHA has raked in $901 million since July 23rd while Fidelity's FETH […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a party scene with balloons popping one by one as guests leave; some people holding briefcases or bags running away from falling confetti while others look worried amidst descending prices on screens and stock charts displayed around the room. A large cake in the center is shown crumbling apart, revealing an empty space where candles once stood. The atmosphere is chaotic, with a few remaining partygoers looking dejected as they gaze at their phones or watch TV displaying news headlines about market crashes.

Crypto News

Bitcoin’s Year-End Surprise Party Will Be a Crash Course in Reality

You know what's coming next - another bunch of brainless investors throwing their money at yet another speculative opportunity because they think it'll make them rich […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Singapore Court Orders Multichain to Give Fantom a Whole Lot of Money Because They Lost Count in Crypto Land

Let's get this over with already! Another day, another crypto company getting sued for its shoddy practices. This time it’s Multichain Foundation Ltd., which has been […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting 20 balloons floating upwards with varying levels of deflation; some have popped while others remain inflated but at different heights indicating their relative success or failure. A large balloon dominates the center and is nearly fully inflated representing Morpho's significant funding round. The background features a subtle image of a market downturn, represented by falling stocks and coins. In the distance, several smaller balloons are seen floating away from each other as they disintegrate into tiny pieces signifying their demise in an unprofitable venture.

Crypto News

20 Crypto Startups Raise $141.3 Million Because Apparently Nobody Learned Anything From Watching Their Previous 1000 Siblings Crash and Burn

Another batch of crypto startups has managed to swindle investors out of $141 million. Because who needs real returns when you can get 10x your money […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an arrow shooting upwards with flames at the base while another arrow falls down into darkness below it; both arrows are surrounded by swirling clouds. The rising arrow is depicted with vibrant colors whereas the falling one has dull tones and broken lines indicating its descent. A faint outline of a mountain range can be seen in the background, symbolizing stability or resistance. In the foreground, there's an explosion of sparks radiating from the ascending arrow as it pierces through the clouds.

Bitcoin

Ethereum (ETH) Price Skyrockets to Unprecedented Heights of 50% Recovery Because Logic Says That Is What Happens When You Lose Half Your Value in One Day

Oh boy, Ethereum's price is up today because... wait for it... the market has recovered! I mean who wouldn't want to buy something that was worth […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a gear turning into an infinity symbol while surrounded by swirling cryptocurrency values with some assets rising and others falling but all stabilizing around the central infinity symbol which represents Gearbox Protocol's aim at establishing itself as the leverage layer for the entire DeFi ecosystem, enhancing asset utilization while providing users with more flexibility and opportunities within the DeFi space. The gear is depicted in a futuristic style with neon lights reflecting off its metallic surface, conveying a sense of innovation and cutting-edge technology.

Bitcoin

Leverage Your Way Into Oblivion With This Super Cool New Crypto Thingamajig That Will Totally Not Bankrupt You

It's time again to talk about some crypto nonsense - specifically a new protocol called Gearbox Protocol which promises to unlock greater access to capital across […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Paxful Co-Founder Caught Red Handed in Epic AML Fail – Now He’ll Be Singing a Different Tune for Next 5 Years

The Paxful co-founder gets caught with his pants down for failing to do even the bare minimum when it comes to anti-money laundering protocols! What's next, […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old man holding onto a rope that is being pulled away from him by two younger men in suits running towards the future with Zcash coins flying out behind them while he looks back at his declining price chart on the ground next to him. The background shows a cityscape with buildings and bridges connecting different networks, some of which are crumbling or destroyed as they fall into disrepair. In the distance, new modern skyscrapers rise from the ashes representing progress and innovation.

Crypto News

Zcash Founder Joins Shielded Labs, Because Clinging to Relevance After Being Delisted Is Still a Thing

Oh boy, here we go again! Zcash's founder is now pushing for a hybrid PoS upgrade because they're still trying to cling on after getting delisted […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a person holding onto their life savings in one hand and a Swiss franc note in the other as they stand at the edge of a cliff overlooking a chasm below. The ground beneath them is crumbling, symbolizing instability. A faint image of an anchor can be seen on the horizon, barely visible above the clouds. In the distance, smoke rises from what appears to be a bank building collapse. The person's face contorts in worry and fear as they struggle to maintain their grip on both hands.

Crypto News

Flowbank Collapse: The Unlikely Savior of Your Entire Life Savings

The grandeur of cryptocurrency is truly a wondrous thing. A whole market built upon nothing but thin air and reckless abandon for good sense. And now […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a blockchain network being bombarded from all sides by chaotic elements such as tornados, lightning bolts, and waves crashing against it. The chaos is depicted as trying to break through the security measures represented by shields and barriers surrounding the blocks in the chain. In contrast, one part of the blockchain remains calm with peaceful clouds floating above its secure sections indicating a safe haven from the turmoil outside.

Hack

Haun Ventures Throws Money at Chaos Labs Because Clearly Throwing Cash Solves All Problems and Blockchain Security Is Just Around the Corner of Being Actually Secure

Here we go again - another bunch of crypto bros trying to make a buck off their "blockchain security" nonsense. Chaos Labs has somehow managed to […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an inflated balloon with confetti and streamers, floating upwards amidst colorful clouds; at its base is a money bag overflowing with cash while nearby are scattered various cryptocurrencies' logos on the ground. The background features subtle waves resembling those of water or stock market fluctuations. In the distance, there's a faint outline of a cityscape under construction, symbolizing growth and development. A few coins can be seen falling from above into the money bag below as if they're being collected by it;

Hack

Pump.fun: Because Apparently Someone Still Has $28 Million Burning a Hole in Their Wallet

Oh boy, here we go again with another overhyped memecoin nonsense! Pump.fun is making waves because it's reached some arbitrary record for monthly agreement income? Who […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a hacker in sunglasses sitting at a computer with screens displaying various cryptocurrency wallets being hacked. The hacker is surrounded by broken chains representing compromised security while Australian flags are torn apart behind them. A giant red "X" marks the screen where an Aussie wallet was recently stolen, and nearby Chainalysis logos represent collaboration against scammers. In the background, cryptic symbols hint at billions of dollars lost worldwide to approval phishing scams since May 2021.

Crypto News

Australia Just Found Out 2000 People Are Really Bad at Keeping Their Crypto Wallets Safe From Hackers Who Were Waiting for Them to Screw Up

The crypto bros are at it again! Over 2,000 Australians got their wallets hacked because they can't even be bothered to secure them properly. And you […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration of Kim Dotcom standing on top of an island with New Zealand's landscape visible behind him; he is holding onto the country by its flag while a plane flies away from his feet carrying US flags, as waves crash against rocks below and seagulls fly overhead in protest; to one side stands a large clock ticking down towards midnight. In the foreground, scattered papers are blowing around with dollar signs on them amidst broken chains representing freedom.

Crypto News

Kim Dotcom Still Hasn’t Figured Out How to Leave

The eternal optimist Kim Dotcom is back with another chapter of his seemingly endless saga against extradition - what's the over/under on how long until he […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Matter Labs Loses Bid for Zk Trademark Because Nobody Actually Cares About Zero-Knowledge Proofs

The eternal farce that is cryptocurrency continues, with another developer getting burned because they thought they could trademark something in a space where everyone knows it's […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

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