Fantom Just Exploded by 7000% and We’re Still Not Sure Why
Fantom's 70% Price Surge: A Case Study in Crypto Hype.
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BREAKING: Fidelity Ethereum ETF Implodes in Most EPIC Collapse Since Its Inception – People Are Finally Wising Up to This ‘Store of Value’ Joke!
The Ethereum ETF exodus continues! It seems like everyone's favorite cryptocurrency is losing steam faster than a crypto bro's beard after a bad wax job. Fidelity's […]
BREAKING: Mysterious Oracle Reveals 61% Chance Bitcoin Will Suddenly Become Worth More Than It Ever Has Been Before, Also Maybe $100K!
It's that time of year again - Uptober is here! The crypto bros are dusting off their crystal balls, donning their lucky socks, and making outlandish […]
BITCOIN’S MAGIC IS REAL! Experts Predict MASSIVE GAINS as It Finally Falls in Line With the Seasons (But Don’t Ask Us What That Even Means)
Bitcoin: Because who needs a 401k when you've got an ETF?.
Binance Gets License in Kazakhstan, Because Who Needs Regulation When You Can Just Add to the Meltdown?
Binance Secures Regulatory License in Kazakhstan: Because One Scam Isn't Enough for Central Asia... Yet.
MEMECOINS ARE BACK AND THIS TIME THEY’RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD (Or So Alex From Sundog Wants You to Think)
The memecoin market is back, baby! Or so Alex from Sundog wants you to think. This dog-themed Tron blockchain project has over 500,000 holders and features […]
Crypto Is ALIVE (Again) – And So Are Your Losses!
Just when you thought crypto was dead in the water... Not!.
ALTSEASON IS COMING… AGAIN! Experts Predict Doom-Inducing Rally to Save Your Portfolio (Probably Not)
The eternal optimists are at it again! The crypto bros can't get enough of their precious 'altseason' predictions. Meanwhile, in the real world, Bitcoin's dominance is […]
SBF’s Neurodivergent Superpowers Clearly Overpowered His Crimes in Court
The saga continues: SBF's neurodivergence gets a free pass from the media, while his crimes get a slap on the wrist.
You Won’t Believe What Happens When Two Unregulated Crypto Bro BFFs Get Together – Kraken Buys Out Dutch Broker BCM in Desperate Attempt to Look Legit!
The never-ending saga of one scammer acquiring another's assets continues! It seems like just yesterday I was making fun of Coinbase for setting up shop in […]
BAIN CAPITAL DUMPS $100M INTO LATEST CRYPTO WHITE ELEPHANT: Celestia Foundation’s Modular Data Availability Layer Protocol – Because What We Really Needed Was Another Blockchain Solution to Lose Our Life Savings
The never-ending saga of crypto bros trying to scam their way into relevance continues with the latest funding round for Celestia Foundation's modular data availability layer […]
BITCOIN BOOM! (Sort Of): Your Tax Dollars at Work Fueling the Great Crypto Bubble of 2023, Meanwhile Ether Goes Poof!
ETFs: Because Who Needs Actual Value When You Can Have Inflated Numbers?.
One More Reason to Lose Your Mind While Booking Travel Online: Another Crypto Agency Launches Yet Another Token That Will Definitely Tank in Value and Make You Question Life Choices
As we speak, another crypto-native travel agency has managed to convince itself that it's a good idea to create yet more tokens for people to throw […]
Mainstreaming Crypto: Because Who Needs Actual Safety or Functionality?
}'Cryptocurrency: Because Who Needs Regulation Anyway?' The latest diatribe on cryptocurrency's supposed benefits, courtesy Christos Makridis, a self-proclaimed expert with more credentials than sense. It seems […]
PancakeSwap Hits $836B Trading Volume Milestone! Now You Can Lose Even More Money With Our Exciting V4 Update!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... or rather, trade some worthless tokens that will inevitably tank again - Decentralized […]
Deus X Capital Drops BOMB: Solstice Labs Launches, Ensuring Your Wallet Will Be a Smoldering Pile of Ash by Next Year!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the digital asset market, Deus X Capital unleashes another brainchild onto an unsuspecting public: Solstice […]
BREAKING: Yet Another Crypto Company Wastes Millions on Lawsuit That Was Always Going to Lose (Spoiler Alert)
Well, it looks like another day, another dollar wasted on trying to legitimize cryptocurrency in court. Because what's more fun than throwing money at lawyers and […]
BREAKING: Altcoins Make Gains Because You Clearly Forgot How Much Money You Lost Last Time This Happened!
It's time again for some good old-fashioned crypto-bashing, folks! Bitcoin has somehow managed to 'recover' and now we're all supposed to be excited about altcoins making […]
BingX: The Ultimate Test of Your Patience, Withdrawals Back on After That Super Fun Hack
BingX: Because One Hack Isn't Enough for These Crypto Bros!.
Crypto Genius Makes $131M in 2 Years by Doing Literally Nothing, Proving That Anyone Can Be a Millionaire Without Actually Trying!
Not everyone is a loser in crypto land it seems. A diamond hands Ethereum investor has made $131.7 million over two years by holding onto their […]
BREAKING: Lawmakers Demand Clear Rules for Digital Asset Airdrops Because Clearly, We Can’t Be Trusted With Our Own Wallets
The eternal cry of 'we need clearer rules' from those who are about to get fleeced by cryptocurrency scams. Because, you see, a lack of clear […]
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