Crypto News Archives - Page 61 of 67

An illustration of a giant CVS pharmacy building with its doors wide open and people fleeing from it as if running away from an explosion; in the background flames engulfing nearby buildings while smoke billows up into dark grey clouds. A figure dressed like Scott Ferguson, holding a briefcase and wearing sunglasses, stands at the entrance looking out over his kingdom of destruction. In one hand he holds a megaphone with which he is shouting to no one in particular;

Hedge Fund Billionaire Buys Up CVS Because Clearly We Need More Rich Guys Making Money Off Our Suffering

Well it looks like some hedge fund is trying to make a quick buck off CVS' recent woes - because that's exactly what we all need […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of two hands shaking with one hand holding an old-fashioned key while the other holds a futuristic-looking lock that has broken into pieces revealing XRP tokens inside, set against a background of Japanese cherry blossoms and cityscapes. A subtle ripple effect is visible in the foreground as if water was disturbed by something beneath its surface. In the distance, people are shown walking towards each other under blooming trees with some holding NFTs or smartphones displaying Web3-related content.

Crypto News

Ripple Labs Inc Still Not Bankrupt After Another Partnership With Some Japanese Firm That Nobody’s Ever Heard Of

Oh boy, another partnership between some Japanese firm that nobody's ever heard of and Ripple Labs Inc., because what could possibly go wrong with that? SBI […]

Doug Martinez August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting a chaotic internet landscape with multiple screens displaying different crypto prices in real-time amidst users arguing online; some screens show rising or falling trends while others display static images representing uncertainty. In the background, Ethereum (ETH) is shown as a central hub connecting various tokens through lines and nodes symbolizing their interconnectedness. A few figures are seen trying to navigate this complex environment with charts and graphs in hand, highlighting the importance of data analysis for accurate price forecasting.

Crypto News

Bitget Nansen Study Confirms Crypto Prices 100 Percent Influenced by Idiots Arguing on the Internet

The crypto bros will be thrilled to know their participation in online forums actually has an impact on something other than just proving how gullible they […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a massive explosion in space with various asteroids and planets flying away from each center point; some are intact while others have been destroyed or disintegrated into smaller pieces. In the background, several stars can be seen fading out as they disappear behind clouds of debris. The colors used range from deep blues to fiery oranges, conveying chaos and destruction. A faint outline of a network map is visible in the distance with various nodes connecting different points on the illustration. Some areas are highlighted by bright lights while others remain darkened.

Crypto News

Ethereum Stakes Are About to Self-Destruct in an Inevitable, Totally Not Catastrophic Restake-Astrophe

The thrill of cryptocurrency is back! This time around we have "restaking" - because what could possibly go wrong with taking already-staked Ethereum and using it […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Cantor Fitzgerald Launches New Venture: We’re All Gonna Die in a Cryptocurrency Fireball of Our Own Making

The age-old question: how low can you go? It seems like every week there's a new entrant into this ridiculous space trying to make it sound […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a rocket blasting off into the sky with flames and smoke behind it; in front of the rocket is an increasing line graph representing growth; at the top right corner there are several small blocks stacked together forming a tower that gets higher as you move up. The background has subtle layer-2 blockchain network patterns, while the foreground shows faint outlines of memecoins floating around the rocket and growing larger with each passing second. In contrast to the chaotic scene in front of it, the rocket itself is sleek and streamlined;

Crypto News

Ethereum Succeeds in Doing Exactly What It Was Designed to Do Again Today

Another day another record broken in the never-ending parade of absurdity that is cryptocurrency! You'd think people would be getting tired of these "records" but hey, […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Crypto Masterminds of Mayhem Finally Caught Red-Handed With Bitcoin Burglars’ Bonus

Well well well! Another genius crypto bro gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar... or rather, another stupid home invasion scheme aimed at stealing […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a government vault door opening wide revealing stacks of gold bars inside while in front of it two men stand facing each other one holding onto a stack of bitcoin blocks and the other with arms crossed looking at him. The man holding the bitcoins is wearing a suit labeled as 'Trump' on his back, the other has no label but looks like he's dressed for work. In the background there are several screens displaying stock market data showing an upward trend while in front of them two large clocks show different times one with 12:00 and another with 23:59.

Bitcoin

Bitcoin Seized by Government Will Be Sold Off Before You Can Even Say ‘Alternative Investment

Another day, another opportunity for crypto bros to get their hopes up only to be crushed like the worthless tulip bulbs they are. Peter Schiff is […]

Linda Williams August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an empty hole in the ground with money pouring into it from above and below while people are seen running away from the scene looking shocked and frightened. The background is a dark grey color to represent uncertainty and chaos, contrasting with the bright colors of the falling coins which symbolize loss and decline. In the foreground, various financial charts and graphs can be seen crumbling down as if they were once stable but have now collapsed due to the outflows from ETHE.

Altcoins

Ethereum ETFs Reveal the Shocking Truth: We’ve Been Investing in a Giant Hole for Years and Nobody Told Us

The cryptocurrency world is at it again with more drama and chaos. It seems like Grayscale's ETHE can't catch a break as they report another massive […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Folks Are Losing Their Minds Over Trump’s Mysterious Ability to Count Past 2 on Crypto Polls

The crypto bros are at it again, this time predicting their precious Donald Trump's inevitable victory thanks to his "pro-bitcoin" stance. Oh please, like the guy […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an anxious-looking stock market graph with falling lines amidst swirling storm clouds, while below it lies a calm sea representing stability; nearby is a large hand reaching out to lower interest rates as indicated by the decreasing height of water levels. The image conveys uncertainty and potential relief through contrasting elements. A subtle hint at economic turmoil can be seen in the turbulent waves on the surface of the sea, yet they gradually subside with each passing moment, suggesting an impending rate cut that could stabilize markets.

Crypto News

Feds About to Make Another $10 Trillion in Exciting Rate Cuts That Will Totally Change Everything

And so we're back at it again with another thrilling episode of "Will The Fed Cut Rates?" - because what's more exciting than watching grown adults […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a rocket ship blasting off into space while leaving behind a trail of falling coins and dollar signs in its wake; at the top left corner is an image of a rising stock chart. The background features stylized images resembling city skylines with buildings shaped like cryptocurrency logos, set against a bright blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds that resemble money bags or piggy banks. In the foreground are scattered coins and dollar signs in various denominations, some partially buried under debris from the rocket's ascent;

Crypto News

Toncoin (TON): Because Who Needs Actual Value When You’ve Got a Fancy New Platform to Make People Lose Their Money On

The latest price surge in TON is just another example of how easily gullible idiots can be manipulated into buying worthless tokens based on empty promises […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A map of 32 US states with a red 'X' marked through it in each state where Binance US has lost its money transmitter license. In contrast, some other states are shown as green dots indicating they still have active licenses for the crypto exchange. The image also features an empty wallet and coins scattered around on the ground symbolizing financial losses due to non-compliance issues with regulatory requirements. A broken chain in the background represents a lack of trust among investors following Binance US' legal troubles involving former CEO Changpeng Zhao (CZ).

Bitcoin

Binance US: Because Losing Money Is Now a Legitimate Business Model in 32 States

And so it continues: Binance US – a crypto exchange that somehow manages to be worse than its already dodgy parent company - is having its […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A Brazilian flag-waving bull breaks free from a cage labeled with the words 'ETF' and 'Solana', charging towards an open gate marked 'Brazil'. In the background, other bulls are trapped behind locked gates. The sky is filled with rising arrows indicating growth while in the distance, a giant bear looms over the landscape of despair. A pennant-shaped ribbon flies above the bull's head bearing the number 200 and below it, another ribbon reads $145.

Crypto News

Brazil Poised to Launch World’s First Spot Solana ETF Into the Depths of Despair Where It Belongs

And here we go again with more crypto bro nonsense! A Brazilian ETF for a cryptocurrency that's been trading at an "all time low" (read: still […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Aussie Court Gives Green Light for More People to Waste Their Money on Dubious Cryptocurrency Scheme and Still Get Screwed by Regulators

Australians are not getting richer off this stuff; they're just throwing good money after bad. The crypto bros will be ecstatic about this ruling but it […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration featuring an empty courtroom with three chairs at the front for defendants and one chair on either side. The defendant's seats are filled but their backs turned towards the judge while a single figure sits alone in each of the plaintiff's seats looking back at them. A large XRP symbol hangs from the ceiling above the judges bench, surrounded by fluttering papers with dollar signs printed on them. In the background, people can be seen walking away through doors and windows as if leaving an empty building.

Crypto News

Cryptocurrency Ponzi Scheme Still Not Entirely Immune From Accountability Lawsuits

So it looks like another day, another dollar spent on lawyers for all the crypto bros trying to make their fortunes off this ponzi scheme. The […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Bitcoin: Because Who Needs Stable Currency When You Can Have a Wild Ride on the Rollercoaster of Speculation and Desperation

What's next for these Bitcoin ETFs? Will they continue to attract billions of dollars in inflows, or will it all come crashing down like a house […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cryptocurrency token with chains locked around it as if in handcuffs being held up against the backdrop of an American flag, while two men are shown standing behind bars. The background is filled with falling dollar signs that have been replaced by broken chains symbolizing freedom from manipulation and corruption. A faint image of a trading bot can be seen on one side of the illustration surrounded by red warning lights as if malfunctioning.

Altcoins

Federal Court Just Ruled Crypto Is Not Actually Magic Money That Can Be Manipulated by Anyone Without Consequences

It looks like the crypto bros are finally getting their comeuppance! Two men have been sentenced for manipulating cryptocurrency prices, marking the first instance where a […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an empty wallet with its zipper open revealing nothing inside but two algorithms floating above it holding briefcases filled with money while ether tokens float around them; one algorithm is shown looking at a computer screen displaying the market capitalization and exchange rates. The scene takes place in front of a cityscape background representing financial markets, with buildings labeled as exchanges and trading platforms. In the foreground, there are scattered papers on the ground showing various cryptocurrency prices and charts.

Altcoins

ETH: Because Who Needs Actual Ownership When You Can Just Trust Some Algorithm With 3 Billion Dollars Worth of Your Money

Let me tell you something about these so-called "Ethereum ETFs". They're just fancy ways for investors to throw their money at Ethereum without actually having to […]

Barry Thompson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoonish graph showing an upward trend in cryptocurrency trading volume; two giant hands grasping each other across a chasm filled with coins of various denominations and symbols representing different cryptocurrencies. The background features swirling shapes resembling digital waves, while at the top, several institutional logos are visible amidst clouds of rising smoke from burning cash notes. In the foreground, a large stablecoin is shown being poured into an overflowing bucket labeled "Crypto-to-crypto trades".

Crypto News

Crypto Madness Ensues as 95% Surge in H1 Volume Proves That Institutions Still Can’t Get Enough of Your Money

It's all about making money off gullible idiots who still think this nonsense will make them rich quick! Institutional interest? Ha! They're just in it for […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a university campus scene at night: students walking towards the cafeteria; some are holding cups or bags from copy shops while others look up at digital screens displaying cryptocurrency exchange rates. A large screen in front displays Ckbtc and Bitcoin prices side by side, showing an upward trend. In the background, two figures representing Ditobanx and ICP Hub Mexico stand together with outstretched arms as if welcoming students to use cryptocurrencies for payments. The campus is illuminated by a warm glow of digital screens and neon lights reflecting off wet pavement.

Crypto News

Ditobanx and ICP Hub Mexico Launch Initiative to Turn University Students Into Cryptocurrency Guinea Pigs for Profit

The crypto bros are at it again! This time they're trying to brainwash Mexican university students into thinking that cryptocurrency has value by giving them $5 […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

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