Bitcoin Mania Ignites as Experts Warn You Will Probably Still Lose All Your Money
You know what's hilarious? People still trying to make money off this joke called cryptocurrency after all these years! Jamie Coutts thinks he’s some kind of […]
Crypto News
Ethereum (ETH) Price Skyrockets to Unprecedented Heights of 50% Recovery Because Logic Says That Is What Happens When You Lose Half Your Value in One Day
Oh boy, Ethereum's price is up today because... wait for it... the market has recovered! I mean who wouldn't want to buy something that was worth […]
MetaMask Launches Pilot Self-Custody Debit Card Because Who Needs a Bank Account When You Can Lose All Your Money to Crypto Volatility
The great unwashed masses are at it again! Who needs a bank account when you can have your very own self-custody debit card? MetaMask has partnered […]
Bitcoin Bites Back: 81 Million Reasons to Stay Away From That Overhyped, Worthless Number Soup
Cryptocurrency continues its downward spiral into obscurity as more people realize it's just a bunch of worthless numbers floating around on computers created by nothing but […]
Crypto Market Soars to New Heights Because Clearly We All Need a Reason to Lose Our Shirts This Week
Oh boy, here we go again! Another day, another bunch of gullible idiots throwing money into cryptocurrency thinking they're getting rich quick. Newsflash: you're not. You're […]
Leverage Your Way Into Oblivion With This Super Cool New Crypto Thingamajig That Will Totally Not Bankrupt You
It's time again to talk about some crypto nonsense - specifically a new protocol called Gearbox Protocol which promises to unlock greater access to capital across […]
Xapo Bank Enters UK Market Because We Clearly Haven’t Learned Anything From 2008
It's official now - Xapo Bank is finally here! Because what every country needs more of is a bank that thinks it can make money by […]
EigenLayer TVL Somehow Magically Defies All Logic and Reason by Hitting 129 Billion Dollars…but Will the Bubble Burst Before You Can Even Say “I Should Have Sold When I Was Ahead”?
Well isn't this just peachy? Another crypto scam has reached new heights and is making its investors richer...for now. EigenLayer TVL hits a whopping $12.9 billion […]
Paxful Co-Founder Caught Red Handed in Epic AML Fail – Now He’ll Be Singing a Different Tune for Next 5 Years
The Paxful co-founder gets caught with his pants down for failing to do even the bare minimum when it comes to anti-money laundering protocols! What's next, […]
MSTX the Ultimate Risk-It-All Machine: Get Ready for 175% Upside or Downside in One Single, Sizzling Hot Bet on Microstrategy
The eternal quest for get-rich-quick schemes has led us down another rabbit hole with Defiance ETFs' latest creation: MSTX, an 175% leveraged single-stock exchange-traded fund focused […]
$60k Bitcoin Finally Here So Now We Can All Pretend ETH SUI TAO and NOT Will Magically Become Good Investments Again
The cryptocurrency market is still reeling from its recent downturn, with many altcoins struggling to regain their footing. However, there are some signs of hope on […]
Buterin Unleashes Frenzied 500K Cash Stampede on Charity With Bizarre Animal Coin Collection
Cryptocurrency's latest trend is animal-themed coins for charity - who would've thought? Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum co-founder, decided that instead of letting these tokens just collect dust […]
Zcash Founder Joins Shielded Labs, Because Clinging to Relevance After Being Delisted Is Still a Thing
Oh boy, here we go again! Zcash's founder is now pushing for a hybrid PoS upgrade because they're still trying to cling on after getting delisted […]
Flowbank Collapse: The Unlikely Savior of Your Entire Life Savings
The grandeur of cryptocurrency is truly a wondrous thing. A whole market built upon nothing but thin air and reckless abandon for good sense. And now […]
Bitcoin Trust: Because You Clearly Haven’t Lost Enough Money Yet
Well well well. Look who's trying to make it big on Wall Street - Grayscale Bitcoin Mini Trust! Because what we really need is another way […]
Crypto Investors Are About to Get Ripped Off Again
The latest market shock has Wall Street sounding alarm bells about a potential AI bubble burst that might spell disaster for crypto AI projects
Australia Just Found Out 2000 People Are Really Bad at Keeping Their Crypto Wallets Safe From Hackers Who Were Waiting for Them to Screw Up
The crypto bros are at it again! Over 2,000 Australians got their wallets hacked because they can't even be bothered to secure them properly. And you […]
Kim Dotcom Still Hasn’t Figured Out How to Leave
The eternal optimist Kim Dotcom is back with another chapter of his seemingly endless saga against extradition - what's the over/under on how long until he […]
Immutable Gets Suckered Into Using Fireblocks Because They Finally Realized That Handling Digital Assets Isn’t as Easy as Just Making a Bunch of Empty Hype
It's time again to talk about blockchain technology and its 'revolutionary' applications - this time, it's Web3 gaming! Because what we really need is for more […]
Matter Labs Loses Bid for Zk Trademark Because Nobody Actually Cares About Zero-Knowledge Proofs
The eternal farce that is cryptocurrency continues, with another developer getting burned because they thought they could trademark something in a space where everyone knows it's […]
Donald Trump Just Made 7000000 Dollars From NFTs and Now He Thinks the Whole World Should Be a Giant Digital Art Gallery
It's time for America to get its priorities straight - we're talking about Donald Trump here, folks! The man who once scoffed at cryptocurrency is now […]
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