$130,000 Vanishes Into Thin Air: BaseBros Fi’s Epic DeFi Heist Exposed!
Another day, another BaseBros Fi - that's what I like to call it when some anonymous genius decides to pull off a rug-pull on their unsuspecting […]
Crypto News
YOU WON’T BELIEVE What Happens When You Let Your Friends Handle the Family Cryptocurrency: $3.5 MILLION STOLEN, 12 PEOPLE IN PRISON!
I've got a great idea! Let's create a new form of currency that's completely digital, has no inherent value, and is only worth something because we […]
TON-Based Restaking Protocol Secures $100M Institutional Commitment: Because What the World Really Needed Was Another Way to Lose Your Shirt
With great fanfare and no doubt copious amounts of institutional hot air, Utonic's restaking protocol has secured a whopping $100M in commitments from firms like Mirana […]
Billion-Dollar AI Dreamcatcher: Fei-Fei-Li Drops Mind-Bending Tech, Crypto Bros Still Can’t Figure Out Wallets (But Who Needs Them When You Have $230M in Funding?)
The 'Godmother of AI' Fei-Fei-Li has launched World Labs to create spatial intelligence systems for artificial agents capable of perceiving 3D worlds and reason about objects […]
$18 BILLION BOOM: Retail Investors Flocking to Solana Liquid Staking Like Moths to a Flame, Because Who Needs Sanity When You Can Have Cryptocurrency?
Folks, let's get this over with - another bunch of hot air about cryptocurrency 'growth' that will inevitably end in tears for the poor saps who […]
TETHER HITS ROCK BOTTOM: Desperate Crytpo Company Adds Former PayPal Regulator to Try and Make Them Not Totally Corrupt
Tether's latest move is just another attempt by the crypto industry to polish its image after years of being accused of money laundering and scams. Hiring […]
BREAKING: Travala Somehow Convinces World to Add Another 3 Billion Unnecessary Options, Integrates With Skyscanner (Because Who Needs Less Choice?)
The never-ending saga of crypto-native Travala trying to convince us that its platform is a viable way to book travel continues, with their latest 'achievement' being […]
Why Japan Is Clearly on the Brink of Crypto Success Thanks to Ripple’s BFFs in Tokyo (Spoiler: It’s Going to End Well)
It's a miracle! The CEO of the most overhyped company in cryptocurrency is talking about how great it is to be friends with Japan! Who wouldn't […]
xAI’s ‘Gigantic’ Models Are Too Big for Cars, or So Says Elon Musk in Latest Baffling Tech Sales Pitch
It's official: Elon Musk is at it again, peddling his snake oil AI tech to anyone who will listen. This time, he claims xAI isn't looking […]
ROARING KITTY UNLEASHES BERSERKER FURY ON MEME MARKET: Chewy Coin Soars 28% Because Who Needs Fundamental Value Anyway?
The eternal allure of Roaring Kitty's cryptic posts has memecoin enthusiasts foaming at the mouth like rabid dogs. Keith Gill returns from his two-month hiatus, and […]
BREAKING: Judge Declares War on Sanity as Kalshi Gets Green Light for Election Betting – Your Democracy, Now a Casino!
And so it begins: Kalshi gets a green light from a federal judge, allowing US citizens to place wagers on November's elections through its prediction market […]
Buckle Up, Buttercup! Regulators Finally Notice the Train Wreck That Is Uniswap and Decide to Get on Board!
Crypto: Because Nothing Says 'Financial Stability' Like a Wild West Free-for-All.
BREAKING: Regulatory License Issued for Exchange That Will Probably Still Get Shut Down Anyway
When it comes to cryptocurrency, there's nothing quite like the thrill of watching gullible idiots throw their money at a regulatory stamp of approval. And what […]
Crypto Brots’ Wet Dream Implodes! VanEck Kills Ethereum Futures ETF Because Nobody Actually Wants Fake Money!
The crypto bros are at it again! VanEck is shutting down its Ethereum futures-based ETF, citing a lack of demand and performance issues. And let's be […]
Crypto CEO Admits Success Only Possible Because He Scammed Enough People
}The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amaze me, and Bryan Pellegrino's claim that a 'big Sybil hunt' helped LayerZero's token price hold steady […]
Brazilian Supreme Court Unleashes Totalitarian Nightmare: Bans X, Demands Citizens Use Government-Approved Internet!
The Brazilian government's ban on X is just another example of how governments love to crack down on anyone who doesn't want to play by their […]
You Won’t Believe the Utterly Revolutionary Breakthrough That Will Change Starknet Forever: VOTING ON a BLOCKCHAIN THAT STILL WRECKS THE PLANET WILL NOW BE FREE
Starknet's latest attempt to make cryptocurrency sound slightly less terrible: gasless voting on a blockchain that still sucks up as much energy as a small power […]
ALERT: You’re Probably Investing With a Scam Artist 87% of Crypto Firms Are Complete Frauds According to Regulators
}, it seems like even regulators are starting to catch on that cryptocurrency is little more than a scam for gullible idiots who want to get […]
Blockchain Miracle: Local Test Server Somehow Manages to Confirm Transactions in Under 1 Second Without Completely Melting Down
The never-ending quest for speed in blockchain land has led to yet another 'record-breaking' achievement by Sonic Blockchain - a whopping 720ms finality time on its […]
Singapore Just Realized That Giving a Free Pass to Yet ANOTHER Unregulated Cryptocurrency Exchange Was Probably Not the Best Idea
Singapore's Central Bank Approves Another Crypto Exchange - Because Who Needs Regulation?.
$12 MILLION DOWN THE DRAIN: Meet the MEV Bot That Proved Luck Is Actually Just a Myth
MEV Bot: Where Luck Goes To Die A $12 million flash loan taken out by an MEV bot only yielded a paltry $20 in profit. Because […]
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