UPBIT’S DEATH SENTENCE: You’ll Never Be Alone Again, Thanks to Our New BFFs at the NSA!
Upbit's AWS switch: Because what every cryptocurrency exchange needs is a good dose of US government snooping.
Crypto News
BREAKING: Bitcoin’s Top Holders Are NOT HODLERS, but Rather Soulless Corporations and Bureaucratic Governments Trying to Steal Your Money With Their ‘Smart’ Investment Strategies!
There's no surprise here: Bitcoin is still being held by people who have more sense than the average crypto bro - namely exchanges and institutions. The […]
BREAKING: We’re Pretty Sure Ethereum Won’t Crash Into Oblivion This Week (Again)
The Cryptocurrency Circus Continues - A Recovery to $3K? Please.
BREAKING: REPUBLICANS TRY TO COVER UP THE TRUTH ABOUT CRYPTO SCAMS ONCE AGAIN (But We’re Not Buying It)
The Cryptocurrency Lobby is at It Again: A Scam by Any Other Name.
When Will They Ever Learn? CFTC Finally Notices Polymarket Is a Glorious Trainwreck and Still Nobody’s Stopped the Crypto Carnage!
With all due respect (not really), it's about time someone took a closer look at the dumpster fire that is cryptocurrency. The CFTC eyeing Polymarket? Finally! […]
SOL Price Plunges 6%: Experts Weigh in on the Impending Doom of Solana and Its Token Holders
Solana's SOL token has taken a 6% hit to its price after failing to break through the $152 resistance level, but will it continue downward? Well, […]
SBF’s Neurodivergent Superpowers Clearly Overpowered His Crimes in Court
The saga continues: SBF's neurodivergence gets a free pass from the media, while his crimes get a slap on the wrist.
21.co’s Latest Attempt to Save Bitcoin Wrappers From Themselves: Because Clearly We Need More Complexity (And a Side of Speculation)
The never-ending saga of Bitcoin wrappers, where the only thing more abundant than hot air is speculation about their backing. It's like watching a train wreck […]
$18M Crypto Heist: You Won’t Believe What Happened When Green United Tried to Get Away With Their Ponzi Scheme Scandal!
Crypto scams continue to rake it in - literally! It's a wonder these crooks can keep coming up with new and creative ways to part investors […]
You Won’t Believe What Happens When Two Unregulated Crypto Bro BFFs Get Together – Kraken Buys Out Dutch Broker BCM in Desperate Attempt to Look Legit!
The never-ending saga of one scammer acquiring another's assets continues! It seems like just yesterday I was making fun of Coinbase for setting up shop in […]
$321 Million Floods Into Crypto as Fed Makes One Tiny Cut to Interest Rates and Suddenly It’s a BUYING SPREE!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... or rather, invest your money into a Ponzi scheme with better marketing.
BAIN CAPITAL DUMPS $100M INTO LATEST CRYPTO WHITE ELEPHANT: Celestia Foundation’s Modular Data Availability Layer Protocol – Because What We Really Needed Was Another Blockchain Solution to Lose Our Life Savings
The never-ending saga of crypto bros trying to scam their way into relevance continues with the latest funding round for Celestia Foundation's modular data availability layer […]
BOMBSHELL: Sweden Declares War on Crypto Scammers, Calls Them Out as Professional Money Launderers in Blunt Takedown That Will Leave Bitcoin Bros Reeling
Sweden's latest move shows that even in a world where cryptocurrency enthusiasts think they can hide from reality, there are still authorities willing to call out […]
Flappy Bird’s Desperate Cry for Help: Because Who Needs Sanity When You Can Have Crypto and in-Game Ads?
They're flapping their way into crypto, but not NFTs... because why bother? The Flappy Bird team has confirmed that its new version will have Web3 integrations […]
BITCOIN BOOM! (Sort Of): Your Tax Dollars at Work Fueling the Great Crypto Bubble of 2023, Meanwhile Ether Goes Poof!
ETFs: Because Who Needs Actual Value When You Can Have Inflated Numbers?.
BREAKING: VP Promises to Unleash Hell on Financial System With Wild Ride of Unregulated Crypto Chaos!
Kamala Harris Pledges to Support Digital Assets — Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?.
BREAKING: Another Day, Another Hack! (But Who’s Counting?)
OpenAI's press account hack is just another day at the office in CryptoLand - where security breaches are as frequent as a crypto bro's tweets about […]
One More Reason to Lose Your Mind While Booking Travel Online: Another Crypto Agency Launches Yet Another Token That Will Definitely Tank in Value and Make You Question Life Choices
As we speak, another crypto-native travel agency has managed to convince itself that it's a good idea to create yet more tokens for people to throw […]
Mainstreaming Crypto: Because Who Needs Actual Safety or Functionality?
}'Cryptocurrency: Because Who Needs Regulation Anyway?' The latest diatribe on cryptocurrency's supposed benefits, courtesy Christos Makridis, a self-proclaimed expert with more credentials than sense. It seems […]
PancakeSwap Hits $836B Trading Volume Milestone! Now You Can Lose Even More Money With Our Exciting V4 Update!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... or rather, trade some worthless tokens that will inevitably tank again - Decentralized […]
BHUTAN’S BITCOIN BINGE EXPOSED! You Won’t Believe the Jaw-Dropping Amount They’ve Been Hiding From Us All Along!
Bhutan's Bitcoin Bonanza: A Scam for the Ages?.
Disclaimer
The content presented on this site is intended solely for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as factual or reliable information. This site employs satire and humor to discuss global news, current events, finance, and cryptocurrency. The views expressed here are not meant to be taken seriously and do not represent the opinions of any individuals, organizations, or entities discussed.
Please be aware that the content may be exaggerated, fictionalized, or otherwise altered to create a comedic effect. It is not intended to provide financial advice, make accurate predictions, or offer any serious commentary on current events or financial markets.
Readers are encouraged to verify any claims or statements with credible sources and should not make any decisions based on the information provided here. This blog is not responsible for any actions taken based on its content. Always consult a qualified professional before making any financial or investment decisions.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions or concerns.
© 2025 Cryptobro Magazine