Crypto News

You Won’t Believe the Apocalyptic Levels of Investment Stupidity Reaching New Heights as 52% of Latest Etfs Are Bitcoin-Related Abominations

The Never-Ending Saga of Gullible Idiots Investing in Bitcoin ETFs.

Sam Rogers October 8, 2024

A illustration depicting the world in chaos with giant robots made out of gears and wires crashing into each other amidst broken computer screens and scattered data cables. A massive hand reaches down from above holding a regulatory hammer, about to bring order but also crushing everything beneath it.

G7 Suddenly Remembers That AI Might Be a Thing We Should Regulate and Now the World Is Over

Just when you thought the world was running smoothly with all those crypto bros making bank on their worthless tokens, the G7 comes along and tells […]

Kevin Nelson October 8, 2024

A graph showing a sharp upward trend in a line chart with multiple arrows pointing upwards, surrounded by various financial symbols such as coins, stocks, and bonds rising into the air.

Investors Who Should Know Better Are Still Betting Big on Bitcoin – And You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!

Institutional Investors Predict Surge in Digital Asset Fund Launches... Yay! More Idiots Will Lose Their Money!.

Barry Thompson October 7, 2024

A comic-style illustration of a rocket ship blasting off into space with flames and smoke behind it, while below on Earth people are running wildly holding briefcases and looking up at the sky in panic.

SUI Soars 115% in a Month Because Clearly No One Has Learned Anything From History

SUI's meteoric rise is a classic case of hype over substance - where investors are so desperate to get rich quick that they'll jump on any […]

Doug Martinez October 7, 2024

A depiction of a computer screen displaying an encrypted file, with a countdown timer ticking away (24 hours) as a menacing hand reaches out to snatch sensitive data from it, while a shadowy figure lurks in the background holding a briefcase overflowing with cryptocurrency.

Crypto-Hungry Trinity Ransomware: Because You Clearly Haven’t Learned Your Lesson About Using Bitcoin Yet

Crypto is a never-ending gravy train for scammers, thieves, and hackers. Trinity ransomware is just the latest example of how cryptocurrency can be used to extort […]

Sam Rogers October 7, 2024

A illustration depicting a diver jumping into deep water with a parachute attached to their back, labeled 'PYUSD' in bold letters on the canopy. The background is a swirling mix of dollar signs and waves, symbolizing financial turbulence.

Paypal Just Jumped Into the Deep End of Stablecoin Madness With a Transaction That Will Probably Lose You 90% of Your Money in Under a Week

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... or rather, transfer some cash around without getting fleeced by crypto bros.

Kevin Nelson October 7, 2024

You Won’t Believe What Happened When We Let Three Identical Blockchains Compete Against Each Other (Spoiler: One Was Slightly More Popular)

The thrill-a-minute world of cryptocurrency is at it again! This time around, the supposed 'experts' are touting monolithic blockchains as the next big thing, because who […]

Doug Martinez October 7, 2024

A illustration depicting a group of stern-looking governors holding a large 'X' symbol over a public blockchain network, with broken chains and scattered cryptocurrency coins in their wake. In the background, a few rebellious blockchains are shown trying to escape or hide from the governor's grasp.

This Is What Happens When You Let the Cool Kids in Charge: Govs Plan to Wipe Out All Public Blockchains Because, Apparently, They’re Just Too Annoying

It's Official: Governments Are Tired Of Your Shitty Cryptocurrency.

Linda Williams October 7, 2024

BREAKING: Japan’s Metaplanet Wastes $7 Million on Voodoo Currency, Somehow Makes Money Off Gullible Investors!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Tokyo stock market, along comes Metaplanet with another Bitcoin purchase that's about as exciting […]

Sam Rogers October 7, 2024

A comic-style illustration depicting an XRP token plummeting downwards with a red arrow, surrounded by broken chains and shattered glass to convey loss and instability. In contrast, another XRP token is shown rising upwards on a gentle slope amidst greenery and blooming flowers, symbolizing growth and recovery.

XRP Plummets 15% in 3 Days: Because Who Needs a Stable Investment When You Can Have the Thrill of Watching Your Money Disappear?

The never-ending saga of XRP's wild west fluctuations continues to entertain us all! As we're reminded once again that cryptocurrency has no inherent value (just ask […]

Sam Rogers October 7, 2024

A comic illustration showing a struggling dinosaur (representing Bitcoin or Ethereum) with its network infrastructure crumbling, while smaller creatures (L2 solutions like Arbitrum and Optimism) are seen running away from it, leaving behind only scraps of money ($10,000 per day). In the background, two giant monsters (miners' dwindling fees and block rewards) loom over the scene.

Ethereum and Bitcoin on Brink of Collapse as Miners Demand More Money to Keep Network Safe (Spoiler: They’re Getting It)

With great speed comes greater insecurity: why Ethereum's L2 scaling may undermine its own security, because if it doesn't get more fees from layer two solutions […]

Doug Martinez October 7, 2024

An illustration of Vitalik Buterin, a bespectacled figure in the foreground, holding up a large stack of coins while Roman Storm, depicted as a smaller character with his back turned to the viewer, looks over his shoulder at him from behind bars.

Vitalik Buterin Just Donated a WHOPPING $250,000 TO PROTECT HIS FRIEND’S GET-RICH-SCHEME FROM BEING EXPOSED!

The Crypto Community's Favorite Charity Case: A Scam in Disguise?.

Sam Rogers October 7, 2024

A comic-style illustration depicting a rocket ship blasting off into space with flames and smoke erupting from its engines. The background is a dark blue night sky filled with stars. In the foreground, a series of ascending lines represent increasing transaction volumes on the Bitcoin network. A giant peak at the top represents the all-time record high in 2024.

Bitcoin Transfer Volumes Explode in a Surprise No One Saw Coming, Records Are Made to Be Broken!

Soaring transfer volumes on the bitcoin network - what a shock! I mean who wouldn't want to send money across an unregulated system that's rife with […]

Barry Thompson October 7, 2024

AXELAR’S NEW INTEROPERABILITY STACK IS LIVE: Because the World Really Needed Another Way for Cryptocurrencies to Confuse Each Other

The never-ending saga of cryptocurrency continues, with protocols racing for interoperability solutions like they're trying out for a spot in some sort of tech-themed Olympic event. […]

Barry Thompson October 7, 2024

A LEGO brick with a shocked expression is shown being hacked by a malicious hand holding a wrench, while the homepage of the LEGO website behind it displays a 'LEGO Coin' token scam message and a 'Buy Now' button that leads to a phishing site.

Lego Gets Hacked, Finally Removes Scam Links From Homepage… About Time!

LEGO's Crypto SNAFU: Because Who Needs Their Toys to Work Properly Anyway?.

Linda Williams October 7, 2024

A chaotic illustration featuring a sinking ship with moneybags floating away in the water below, while above it an explosion of cryptocurrency tokens (AAVE, SOL) are flying out of control amidst flames and smoke.

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THE OUTRAGEOUS NEW WAY TO LOSE YOUR LIFE SAVINGS: DeFi’s Latest Mind-Blowing Abomination Has Arrived!

The never-ending circus that is cryptocurrency has struck again with Grayscale launching an Aave investment fund because apparently the world needs even more ways to lose […]

Doug Martinez October 7, 2024

A frazzled analyst sits at a desk surrounded by screens displaying chaotic cryptocurrency charts and graphs. A calendar on their wall shows an ominous 'Deadline: Oct 14' while they stare out into space, overwhelmed by the task ahead.

$84,156 a Year to Watch Crypto Chaos Unfold: Meet New York’s Blockchain Analyst of Despair!

A job opening for a Virtual Currency Senior Blockchain Analytics Analyst at New York's financial regulator is like putting out fires in a burning dumpster - […]

Sam Rogers October 7, 2024

A federal judge sits at a desk with stacks of books behind them, wearing a serious expression as they hold up a gavel in one hand and gesture towards a betting market on screen displaying Nancy Pelosi's hair catching fire during a speech.

BREAKING: Federal Judges Declare It Totally Fine to Bet Your Life Savings on the Likelihood of Nancy Pelosi’s Hair Catching Fire During a Speech

Don't worry folks, it's now officially safe to bet on US congressional elections thanks to our esteemed judiciary system! That is, as long as you're betting […]

Doug Martinez October 7, 2024

A illustration depicting a person sitting at their computer with a worried expression, surrounded by scattered papers and empty wallets. A phone lies on the floor nearby, displaying an Instagram notification about Ichcoin investment opportunities. In the background, a faint image of a cryptocurrency chart shows plummeting values. The atmosphere is chaotic, conveying a sense of financial loss and regret.