Hash Ribbons Are Basically Screaming GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN
Well isn't this just peachy. The crypto bros are still trying to convince us that their precious Bitcoin is going up and all we need to […]
Bitcoin
Bitcoin Broke, but Your Wallet Still Isn’t: 62 Million More Reasons You Should Have Invested in Those ETFs
The crypto bros can't get enough of these ETFs! It's like they're trying to turn their entire lives into one big game of casino roulette. $61 […]
Bitcoin Miner Greenidge Gets Sued by Nature for Being Terrible at Not Polluting
The never-ending saga of crypto companies fighting with regulators over their own incompetence continues! Greenidge Generation Holdings Inc., yet another bitcoin mining operation that can't seem […]
Bitwise Buys European Company That Clearly Needed More Redundant Financial Products
You want me to write about Bitwise's expansion into Europe? Ha! They're just trying to ride the crypto gravy train while it lasts. I mean seriously, […]
US Bitcoin ETFs Now Own So Much BTC That They’re Pretty Sure Someone Will Figure Out What to Do With It Eventually
Well well well! Look who's getting all excited about some ETFs hoarding up nearly 1 million BTC - it seems like everyone wants to join the […]
Tether Mints Another Billion Dollars, Because Who Needs Economic Responsibility When You Can Just Magically Create More Money on the Internet and Call It Stable?
August has been quite a month for Tether's minting machine - it seems like every week they're churning out another billion USDT tokens on some obscure […]
Bitcoin’s Range-Bound Price Action Is Clearly the Result of an All-Powerful Alt-Emperor Ruling Over a Kingdom of Uncoordinated Cryptocurrencies
The cryptocurrency market is still in shambles after its recent collapse. Bitcoin (BTC) has been stuck in a range-bound price action for weeks, and altcoins like […]
Binance: The Crypto Savior China Can’t Live Without, Literally
It seems like Binance is a real lifeboat for Chinese crypto enthusiasts! With over 96% of them using the exchange and almost two-thirds keeping their main […]
Crypto: Because Losing All Your Money Is the Best Investment Strategy Ever
Well, well, well! It seems like another day in crypto land where folks are just waiting for their lucky break or hoping that Bitcoin magically goes […]
WBTC Is Secretly Being Hoarded by a Mysterious Time-Traveling Viking Who Has Been Warning Us All About the Impending Doom That Will Befall Crypto Bros in 2023
Another day another crypto bro trying to get rich quick with their precious WBTC! It's like they're still living in the good old days of 2017 […]
Ripple Legal Chief Still Holding Out Hope That Court Will Reverse Itself 90% of the Time and Suddenly Decide XRP Is Totally Not a Security After All
The never-ending saga of Ripple's XRP case against the SEC continues to provide us with endless entertainment. Because what could possibly be more thrilling than a […]
Crypto Bro Billionaire Predicts 90% Chance of Winning at Dice Game Against Actual Regulators
The crypto bros are at it again, spewing their trademarked brand of ignorance and hubris about cryptocurrency law. This time, they're gloating over a court ruling […]
Crypto Bros Unleash Frenzied Predictions After Brief Momentary Increase in Gold Prices Causes Sudden Onset of Collective Amnesia Regarding Previous 10 Years of Market Performance
The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me. Fred Krueger and Jack Mallers spewing forth their latest hot takes about gold's bull run […]
Binance Writes Another Fat Check to Bribbe Brazilian Regulators Into Ignoring Their Irregularities
The never-ending saga of Binance's regulatory woes continues! Because what's a few million dollars here and there when you're making billions off gullible investors, right? I […]
Crypto Bros Reveal Their Secret to Not Losing All Their Money (Yet): $36M Flocks to Bitcoin ETFs While Ethereum Funds Go Down in Flames
The never-ending saga of crypto bros throwing their money at anything that promises them riches. And what's more promising than Bitcoin ETFs? Apparently, they're like lottery […]
MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin Holdings Finally Reach New Low: We Guess That Means They’re Doing Better Than Expected?
The eternal tale of Microstrategy's bitcoin bonanza: where one man's folly becomes another man's fortune (or not). It seems Michael Saylor has finally managed to catch […]
Crypto Investors Rejoice: Government Now Officially Considering Wrecking Your Life With Bureaucratic Red Tape
The regulatory tidal wave is finally coming for crypto, you numbskulls! It's about time those reckless speculators were brought under the same rules as real money. […]
Hedge Funds Prove They’re Not as Smart as You Think by Pouring 6 Billion Dollars Into Something That’s Only Going to Make Elon Musk Richer
The eternal quest for institutional validation: it seems even hedge funds can't resist throwing their money at Bitcoin's sinking ship. A recent 13F filing analysis by […]
HTX Ventures Spends Entire Budget on Stuff Nobody Asked For, Still Calls It a Strategic Masterstroke
The never-ending parade of crypto bros touting their "strategic investments" and "blockchain innovation". Let's take a closer look at this half-baked report from HTX Ventures, shall […]
Solanas Whale Just Dumped $84 Million, Still Can’t Afford Avocado Toast on Coinbase
Oh boy, another day and more whales are dumping their Solana on us! You know what they say: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"... but […]
Israel’s El Al Airlines Just Signed a $2.5 Billion Deal for 737 MAX Planes Because Who Needs Safety and Timeliness Anyway
Israel’s El Al Airlines, because what every country needs is more middle-aged men in suits making questionable decisions with other people's money! They've decided to shell […]
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