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BREAKING: Bitcoin Sets New Records of Utter Futility as Top Ten Busiest Days Ever Occur in Year That’s Still Pretty Early, Congrats to All the Suckers Who Finally Figured Out How to Use It!

A chaotic illustration depicting a Bitcoin blockchain as a busy highway with cars (transactions) speeding by at an all-time high rate, surrounded by flames and smoke indicating peak hashrate and difficulty, while miners in the background frantically work to process transactions.

Crypto bros rejoice! Bitcoin’s transaction volumes have reached all-time highs and I’m sure that means it’s finally time to get rich quick, right? Wrong. As usual, the only thing these ‘records’ prove is that more idiots are throwing their money into a black hole created by gullible speculators.

Source: bitcoin.com

In 2024, the Bitcoin network has hit some significant milestones, including reaching an all-time high price, achieving peak hashrate and difficulty, and recording the highest onchain fees ever. On top of these metrics, the blockchain also saw its busiest transfer day in history on April 23, with 927,010 transactions confirmed in one day. Just three days after Bitcoin’s fourth halving event, miners successfully processed nearly 1 million transactions, with a […]

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