Sam Rogers

Crypto Biz: Because Venture Capital Is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Someone Will Pay You to Not Go Bankrupt Immediately

The never-ending saga of cryptocurrency's greatest hits: Bitfarms gets bought out by Riot Platforms because apparently that's what happens when you're a struggling mining firm - […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of two figures standing back-to-back facing opposite directions: one figure surrounded by inflating balloons labeled with dollar signs while the other is engulfed in flames amidst sinking coins; both figures stand on either side of a large scale weighing their assets. In the background, a cityscape represents market fluctuations and volatility

Crypto Bros Reveal Their Secret to Not Losing All Their Money (Yet): $36M Flocks to Bitcoin ETFs While Ethereum Funds Go Down in Flames

The never-ending saga of crypto bros throwing their money at anything that promises them riches. And what's more promising than Bitcoin ETFs? Apparently, they're like lottery […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of a blockchain network with multiple chains rising like balloons from the ground, some bursting while others continue to ascend; in the background, two large chain networks (Ethereum and Tron) are shown side by side, with Ethereum's balloon slightly deflated compared to Tron's. A few venture capitalists stand at the edge of a cliff throwing money into the air as it rains down on the chains below

Crypto VCs Still Throwing Money at Blockchains Like It’s 2017 and They’re Not All Going to Die Alone

The perpetual optimism surrounding cryptocurrency is a never-ending wellspring of entertainment. Who needs actual value or substance when you can just print numbers on a computer […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

Hedge Funds Prove They’re Not as Smart as You Think by Pouring 6 Billion Dollars Into Something That’s Only Going to Make Elon Musk Richer

The eternal quest for institutional validation: it seems even hedge funds can't resist throwing their money at Bitcoin's sinking ship. A recent 13F filing analysis by […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of a giant electricity meter with its needle spinning wildly out of control, surrounded by swirling clouds of pollution and smokestacks emitting dark fumes; in the foreground, two economists are shown trying to grasp hold of the meter's handle while being buffeted about by strong gusts of wind

IMF Economists Shockingly Declare War on Crypto and AI by Proposing Electricity Tax: A Move So Bold It’ll Probably Be Overturned Immediately Because of Lobbying Fears

The IMF is finally catching on - those cryptocurrency bros are just a bunch of energy-guzzling numbskulls who can't stop whining about how they're being oppressed […]

Sam Rogers August 19, 2024

An illustration of a large yacht with its sails filled by wind blowing through bitcoin symbols; below it lies an island covered in greenery representing nature restored from environmental damage caused by human actions; on one side stands RFK Jr. looking out at the sea while holding up a small globe, and on the other side is a person planting trees as birds fly overhead symbolizing hope for a better future. In the background are faint outlines of cities with smokestacks replaced by wind turbines generating clean energy. The yacht's name 'Hope' is written in bold letters across its stern.

RFK Jr’s Cryptocurrency Crusade Will Save the World From Itself and Also Give Him a Sweet New Yacht

And here we go again - a politician trying to ride the crypto bandwagon for his own gain. How quaint! RFK Jr.'s promises are as hollow […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a person standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking an ocean with waves crashing below; they hold a large stack of coins that seem to be slipping through their fingers into the sea as some float away on the water's surface. The figure is surrounded by scattered coins and debris from what appears to have been a shipwreck, suggesting loss or failure in one part of their business while others are thriving nearby. In contrast, other stacks of coins remain intact near them but slightly out of reach, hinting at potential gains yet untapped.

Coinshares: Where Losing Money Is Just Part of Their Business Plan to Make More Money

The great news just keeps rolling out for Coinshares! Another quarter, another profit from their dubious dealings with crypto companies that inevitably go bankrupt. I mean […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old, worn-out plane flying low in the sky with smoke coming out from its engines while behind it flies a sleek modern jet leaving contrails that form into dollar signs. The background is filled with dark grey clouds representing uncertainty or danger. In contrast to this scene, below and far away on the horizon there's a sunny landscape where people are walking towards an airport terminal in happiness. A small plane can be seen landing safely at one of its gates while passengers disembark smiling.

Israel’s El Al Airlines Just Signed a $2.5 Billion Deal for 737 MAX Planes Because Who Needs Safety and Timeliness Anyway

Israel’s El Al Airlines, because what every country needs is more middle-aged men in suits making questionable decisions with other people's money! They've decided to shell […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A large company building with many windows stands tall amidst a cityscape at sunset. The sky above it turns dark as clouds gather but inside the office lights shine bright. In contrast to its grandeur outside, an empty conference room lies within where only one person sits behind a long table surrounded by vacant chairs and papers scattered about. A lone figure in a suit walks down a hallway with no other people around while others stand at windows looking out into space as if lost in thought.

Hack

Tether Holdings Ltd About To Hire 100 More Overworked Bureaucrats And Number Crunchers Because Who Needs Actual Profits?

The stablecoin issuer Tether Holdings Ltd., because it's not like they've been accused enough times already - plans to increase its workforce by 100 employees to […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A large squid (Kraken) wrapped around a seesaw with one side labeled 'SEC' and the other side labeled 'Regulation', both sides are sinking into the ocean as they struggle to balance, in the background there's an image of Congress debating on a ship. The squid has its tentacles holding onto two digital assets floating above the water: Bitcoin and Ethereum. In the distance, a school of fish swim away from the chaos with dollar signs attached to their fins. A faint outline of Monday morning traffic can be seen in the background through the ocean's surface.

Kraken Proves That Existence of Intangibles Is Just a Social Construct and Also It’s Monday

I bet you're itching for some juicy commentary on this one! Let's get straight to it. In case anyone was still holding out hope, Kraken’s recent […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a person standing at the edge of an iceberg with their eyes closed while holding onto a rope tied around their waist; below them is water filled with sinking coins and broken chains representing lost investments and financial instability, in contrast to calm waters above where seagulls fly freely. The sky behind has dark clouds gathering amidst scattered sun rays symbolizing warning signs ignored by the person who remains oblivious to the dangers ahead.

Hack

Crypto Conundrum Ensues As Distinguished Academic Finally Figures Out What We Told You In 2017

Oh boy, look who's finally joining the party! Eswar Prasad is now warning about cryptocurrency risks? It’s like a broken record – everyone knows crypto is […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant dollar bill with cracks spreading across it as if broken glass; in the background, people running away from falling coins while others are shown being swept up by an unseen force into dark clouds. A faint image of a crypto exchange screen is visible at the top left corner showing plummeting prices and red alerts. In the foreground, a few scattered dollars with some still intact but many broken pieces littered around them as if they were once part of something larger now shattered beyond repair. The overall atmosphere conveys chaos and loss amidst financial ruin.

Novatechs 7 Billion Dollar Question: Can You Trust Anything That Doesn’t Involve Actual Work

Oh boy, another crypto scam! Can't these people see that this is all just a never-ending cycle of lies, deceit, and financial ruin? The SEC has […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

SEC Charges Bitclout Founder With Multi-Million-Dollar Crypto Fraud Because One Guy Named Nader Was Too Busy Being Diamondhands to Pay His Taxes

Well it seems like another day, another crypto bro busted by the authorities! I'm not surprised in the least that Nader Al-Naji's multi-million-dollar scheme was exposed […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of two figures: one dressed as a millionaire with gold coins spilling out from his pockets, standing next to an overflowing treasure chest; another figure wearing casual clothes holding a small wallet and looking at the ground. The background is filled with dollar signs swirling around them in different directions. A large coin splits between both characters but leans towards the wealthy individual. In contrast, one of the figures' shoes has fallen off while trying to keep up with their wealthier counterpart's pace.

Crypto Bro Millionaires Made More Money Than Average Joe on Thursday but Only if You Count Losses as a Form of Income

The never-ending saga of crypto bros trying to make money off their precious cryptocurrencies continues. Thursday was no exception as US Bitcoin ETFs somehow managed to […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a man (David Solomon) standing on one side of a seesaw with the other end occupied by a large pile of money bags labeled 'Goldman Sachs' while he is holding onto a small rock representing Bitcoin, struggling to keep it from falling off as his weight causes the see-saw to tip in favor of the gold coins. The man's face shows concern and determination but also slight desperation.

Goldman Sachs CEO Still Hasn’t Figured Out Bitcoin Is a Joke That Will Eventually Stop Being Funny

The eternal optimism of the clueless! David Solomon still thinks Bitcoin might be around for a while longer before it inevitably crashes to zero (or at […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of Avraham “Avi” Eisenberg standing at a shooting gallery with various targets labeled as commodities fraud, manipulation, wire fraud, judgment of acquittal, new trial, Commodities Exchange Act (CEA), swaps or mixed swaps under the CEA and interstate wires. He is holding an empty rifle pointing towards these targets while wearing a determined expression on his face. In the background there are several broken glass bottles with labels that read "fundamental errors", "legal flaws" and "evidentiary issues".

Mango Marksman Seeks Get Out of Jail Free Card

The eternal saga of crypto bros trying to wriggle out of their messes continues! Avraham Eisenberg thinks he can just waltz away from his conviction on […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon New York City skyline with a giant pyramid scheme bubble bursting above it; inside the cityscape are people from different ethnic backgrounds looking relieved as they walk away from falling cryptocurrency coins and dollar signs. In the foreground, two figures representing Attorney General Letitia James stand triumphantly holding a "Justice" banner while pointing at the shattered remains of the pyramid scheme bubble in the background.

New York Cracks Down on Crypto Pyramid Schemes Targeting Immigrants: It’s About Time the City Took Action Against Those Scammers Who Were Clearly Just Trying to Make a Quick Buck Off Unsuspecting New Yorkers

Well isn’t this just peachy? The crypto bros are getting what’s coming to them! Another day, another pyramid scheme falls apart. I mean seriously, how many […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of a cartoon piggy bank with its mouth wide open as it's being blown away by strong winds while holding onto several balloons labeled 'Bitcoin', 'ETF' and '$188 million'. The background is filled with falling coins. In the distance, an image of Morgan Stanley can be seen in flames surrounded by smoke. A faint outline of a calendar shows June 30th highlighted. At the bottom left corner, there's a small piggy bank lying on its side spilling out money while crying tears made from dollar signs.

Morgan Stanley Blows Entire 401k Fund on Bitcoin Trust Because Who Needs Retirement Anyway

The gullible idiots are at it again! Morgan Stanley has apparently decided that throwing a few hundred million dollars into BlackRock's Bitcoin Trust is a good […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an exhausted runner crossing a finish line with a massive weight on their back and surrounded by coins spilling out from under them as they stumble forward; the background is dark grey. The runner's arms are raised but limp at the same time while their legs drag along in exhaustion, weighed down by the heavy burden. In front of the runner lies an overflowing pile of gold coins with a few scattered on the ground around it and some floating away into the distance as if swept up by wind;

Marathon Digital Buys 25K Bitcoins for a Whopping -$1m

Here we go again! Another crypto bro trying to get rich quick with their precious Bitcoin. This time it's Marathon Digital buying $249 million worth of […]

Sam Rogers August 16, 2024

An illustration of an anxious-looking investor frantically buying ethereum coins as they pour into his wallet from above while he's standing at the edge of a cliff with a cityscape below him representing market volatility and uncertainty; behind him is a large digital screen displaying rapidly increasing prices. In contrast to this, in the background there are investors holding short positions who look worriedly watching their assets dwindle as they're being swept away by an incoming wave symbolizing the reversal of fortunes.