Ronin Bridge Hacked Because Someone Clearly Needed a Second Caffeine-Fueled Coding Session
The Ronin bridge hack was a perfect example of how cryptocurrency can fail in spectacular fashion when not properly managed. The fact that an error in […]
Linda Williams
Tether Unleashes Kraken on Celsius Network in $2 Billion Battle of Who Can Be Most Petulant
Ahahahaha! Oh boy, it's like watching two idiots fight over who ate all the pizza. "Oh no, you liquidated my collateral!" No one cares about your […]
Decentralized Artificial Intelligence Platform Secures 43 Million Dollars Because That’s Exactly What the World Needed More Of
Well well well! Look at this mess of buzzwords: "Decentralized", "Artificial Intelligence", "Blockchain-based" - it's like a crypto bro vomited all over my keyboard! But seriously, […]
Ripple CEO Sobs Uncontrollably in Corner After Latest Court Ruling Declares Him the Biggest Loser
Another day, another "win" for the crypto bros! They're always celebrating some minor victory as if it's a championship title in their never-ending quest to prove […]
Seven States About to Realize They Can’t Bully Grown Adults Who Have Better Things to Do Than Listen
The idiocy never ceases! Seven US States think they can take on the mighty SEC? It's almost cute how these yahoos believe their quaint little state […]
Singapore Court Orders Multichain to Give Fantom a Whole Lot of Money Because They Lost Count in Crypto Land
Let's get this over with already! Another day, another crypto company getting sued for its shoddy practices. This time it’s Multichain Foundation Ltd., which has been […]
MetaMask Launches Pilot Self-Custody Debit Card Because Who Needs a Bank Account When You Can Lose All Your Money to Crypto Volatility
The great unwashed masses are at it again! Who needs a bank account when you can have your very own self-custody debit card? MetaMask has partnered […]
Bitcoin Bites Back: 81 Million Reasons to Stay Away From That Overhyped, Worthless Number Soup
Cryptocurrency continues its downward spiral into obscurity as more people realize it's just a bunch of worthless numbers floating around on computers created by nothing but […]
Leverage Your Way Into Oblivion With This Super Cool New Crypto Thingamajig That Will Totally Not Bankrupt You
It's time again to talk about some crypto nonsense - specifically a new protocol called Gearbox Protocol which promises to unlock greater access to capital across […]
Xapo Bank Enters UK Market Because We Clearly Haven’t Learned Anything From 2008
It's official now - Xapo Bank is finally here! Because what every country needs more of is a bank that thinks it can make money by […]
Paxful Co-Founder Caught Red Handed in Epic AML Fail – Now He’ll Be Singing a Different Tune for Next 5 Years
The Paxful co-founder gets caught with his pants down for failing to do even the bare minimum when it comes to anti-money laundering protocols! What's next, […]
Haun Ventures Throws Money at Chaos Labs Because Clearly Throwing Cash Solves All Problems and Blockchain Security Is Just Around the Corner of Being Actually Secure
Here we go again - another bunch of crypto bros trying to make a buck off their "blockchain security" nonsense. Chaos Labs has somehow managed to […]
Australia Just Found Out 2000 People Are Really Bad at Keeping Their Crypto Wallets Safe From Hackers Who Were Waiting for Them to Screw Up
The crypto bros are at it again! Over 2,000 Australians got their wallets hacked because they can't even be bothered to secure them properly. And you […]
Immutable Gets Suckered Into Using Fireblocks Because They Finally Realized That Handling Digital Assets Isn’t as Easy as Just Making a Bunch of Empty Hype
It's time again to talk about blockchain technology and its 'revolutionary' applications - this time, it's Web3 gaming! Because what we really need is for more […]
WazirX: Because Your Money Was Never Actually Yours Anyway
The eternal saga of cryptocurrency's most ardent fans getting fleeced by hackers and scammers continues unabated! This time, it’s India-based exchange WazirX that finds itself on […]
Ethereum Traders Now Officially Experts in Predicting the Exact Date of Their Own Inevitable Bankruptcy at an Average Price Per Month
Crypto traders are at it again - this time they're warning of an impending doom for Ether's price, which is currently trading above $2K. Analysts like […]
Ethereum Supply Now Exceeds Its Entire Initial Market Cap at Launch
The great Ethereum experiment is continuing with all its might - or should I say, with an ever-increasing amount of issued Ether? It seems like the […]
Nudge Protocol Promises to Magically Conjure Quadrillions Out of Your Wallet by Waving Its Wizard Hands at the Void
The utter desperation of the crypto bros never ceases to amaze me! Here we go again with another wild-eyed promise that's just begging to be debunked […]
CVM Finally Discovers Tokenization Is Literally Just Guys Making Stuff Up and Selling It to Unsuspecting People for Bitcoin
The Brazilian Securities Regulator CVM has finally woken up and realized that cryptocurrency is not as exciting as all those crypto bros made it out to […]
Kim Dotcom Just Got Extradited Because Clearly One Billionaire Wasn’t Enough and We Really Needed Another
The extradition decision is a no-brainer for New Zealand's Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith - it's about time Kim Dotcom faced justice after his alleged piracy empire […]
Stablecoin Broke: Crypto Bros Unleash New Regulatory Sledgehammer on Themselves
The crypto bros are at it again! This time they're coming up with some new framework called TCAF (Token Capital Adequacy Framework) because their precious stablecoins […]
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