Summer Market Rollercoaster Still Not Over Because Who Needs Stability Anyway
The stock market can be a thrilling rollercoaster, but investors are bracing for more turbulence ahead - and we're not talking about just any ordinary ups […]
Kevin Nelson
Cryptocurrencies Still Not Worth the Effort to Understand Their Prices
Cryptocurrency is still trying to get its act together after a series of failed attempts at legitimacy. It's like watching a group of monkeys try to […]
Analysts Predict US Dollar Trends Amid Biden Withdrawal and Trump Lead Will Unleash a Maelstrom of Fiscal Chaos That’ll Make Your Grandma’s 401k Invest in Beanie Babies Again
The US dollar is on shaky ground as President Biden's withdrawal from re-election has sent shockwaves through financial markets. Analysts are predicting a further decline in […]
US Investors Flee to Their Parents’ Basements After Realizing They’ve Invested in Something Called “Ethereum
The sweet taste of schadenfreude! It seems like some poor souls have finally realized that investing in Ethereum was not as bright an idea as they […]
Coinbase’s Existential Crisis: SEC Refuses to Give Them Permission to Not Get Shut Down Yet
The world is still waiting with bated breath as Coinbase continues to beg the SEC for rules that don't exist yet because they're too scared of […]
Regulators Reveal Unsurprisingly Overwhelming Support for Their Own Regulations – 108 People Agree With Them
The never-ending circus continues as Hong Kong tries its hand at regulating something it clearly has no idea about - cryptocurrency. With 108 submissions from stakeholders […]
Hong Kong Just Launched an Investment Product So Crazy Even Warren Buffett Would Lose His Mind Trying to Understand What Happened Next
What's next? A Hong Kong-based casino offering inverse Bitcoin craps tables where you can bet on losing your shirt while trying not to lose it all […]
US Crypto Bro Reserve Accounts Now Hold More Money Than Most People’s 401Ks
The perpetual motion machine that is cryptocurrency has finally reached new heights with the introduction of nine Ethereum exchange-traded funds (ETF) and a whopping 10 billion […]
Solanas Last Stand: Analyst Still Holding Breath as Entire World Waits With Bated Breath for the Inevitable Collapse of Your ETF
The eternal optimism of crypto bros never ceases to amuse me! They think that somehow, someway, their precious Solana ETF will magically get approved by mid-March […]
Jump Trading Secretly Controls All Your Money and We’re Only Finding Out Now Because One Guy Looked at Some Charts
The crypto world can be a wild ride indeed! It seems like Jump Trading has been making some big moves, transferring out 46.44M in ETH amid […]
Liquitrade LTD Caught Red-Handed Running Most Epic Ponzi Scheme Since That One Guy Who Sold Beanie Babies
And here we go again with another crypto exchange getting caught operating outside of regulations and ripping off their users! I mean who needs rules when […]
Crypto.com Signs Pact of Desperation With UEFA – We Predict 100% Rate of Catastrophic Failures and Ruined Sporting Dreams
The perfect marriage - cryptocurrency and football! Who wouldn't want their beloved sport sullied by shady financial dealings? Crypto.com has somehow managed to convince UEFA that […]
Google Pay, Amazon Pay and Phonepe Join RBI’s Digital Rupee Program Because Nothing Says ‘Central Bank-Backed Cryptocurrency’ Like Three Companies That Can’t Even Keep Your Money Safe
In a desperate attempt to stay relevant, Google Pay, Amazon Pay and Phonepe are now scrambling to join India's central bank-issued cryptocurrency (CBDC) program. Because what […]
Uniswap Unleashes Frenzied Dance of Regulatory Dodgeball, Because Who Needs Rules When You’ve Got Code
The endless saga of Uniswap trying to outsmart regulators continues! Like a bad penny, this decentralized finance (defi) darling keeps turning up with its claims about […]
US Government Has Suddenly Realized That Printing More Money Wasn’t the Answer After All
Daim's CEO Bryan Courchesne thinks he knows a thing or two about how to make Bitcoin great again - what an original idea! He believes that […]
US Bitcoin ETFs Still Not Worthless Despite Continuing Existence
The crypto bros are at it again! They're celebrating their precious Bitcoin ETFs making gains for the ninth day in a row because apparently that's something […]
Tethers to the Moon as They Manage to Create Another Billion Dollars of Nothing Out of Thin Air and Sell It for a Premium
The eternal dance of cryptocurrency's biggest scam - stablecoins! It seems like no matter how many times we expose them for what they really are (numbers […]
Crypto Whale Spends Entire Life Savings On Okx Gift Card In Desperate Bid To Prove Existential Crisis Is Real
The thrilling tale of a crypto "whale" dumping its precious Ether on an unsuspecting market! Because what's more fun than watching someone with millions in assets […]
Central Bank of Brazil Unleashes Nuclear Option: Crypto Regulation Coming in 2025 and Nothing Will Ever Go Wrong Again
I'm sure this is going to end well - another country getting suckered into regulating an industry built on nothing but hot air. The Central Bank […]
Astonishingly Unstoppable Donald Trump Set to Win 2024 Election in Crushing Landslide Defying All Logic Reason or Sanity
The recent surge in cryptocurrency prices has left many investors wondering if this is the start of another bull run or just a temporary blip on […]
DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program Because Someone Finally Realized You Can’t Bribe People to Stop Being Suckers With Free Money
More like "DOJ Launches Whistleblower Awards Program for Gullible Idiots Who Invested in Crypto". Because let's face it, if you're stupid enough to invest in cryptocurrency […]
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