Kevin "Trade Tragedy" Nelson

An illustration of a group of Japanese retail traders, dressed as samurai warriors from feudal Japan, standing together on a mountain peak with their backs to the viewer and looking out at a dramatic landscape below them in ruins; some are holding broken stocks certificates while others clutch empty sake bottles or hold hands up in despair. In the background, flames engulf Tokyo's skyscrapers amidst smoke billowing into the sky as if from an explosion. The traders' faces show shock, grief, and regret with tears streaming down their cheeks.

Margin Trading in Japan Is Basically Just One Big Group Therapy Session Now

The great Japanese stock market rout of '24, where millions lost their shirt and everyone else cried themselves to sleep at night. It's like a bad […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration featuring a stylized chart with an inverse head and shoulders pattern forming at its bottom half; above it is depicted a rising trend line intersecting multiple peaks representing significant highs in gold prices. A large arrow pointing upwards from this intersection indicates momentum building towards higher values, while nearby smaller arrows suggest further increases ahead. In the background of the illustration are faintly visible several other charts with similar patterns forming but at different stages;

Altcoins

Veteran Trader Peter Brandt Predicts Gold Will Suddenly Breakout for Reasons He Can’t Even Be Bothered to Explain and We’re Supposed to Freak Out

Oh boy here we go again with yet another self-proclaimed expert spewing out unsubstantiated predictions and hot air about a market he knows nothing about. Peter […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a rocket blasting off into the sky with flames and smoke behind it; in front of the rocket is an increasing line graph representing growth; at the top right corner there are several small blocks stacked together forming a tower that gets higher as you move up. The background has subtle layer-2 blockchain network patterns, while the foreground shows faint outlines of memecoins floating around the rocket and growing larger with each passing second. In contrast to the chaotic scene in front of it, the rocket itself is sleek and streamlined;

Crypto News

Ethereum Succeeds in Doing Exactly What It Was Designed to Do Again Today

Another day another record broken in the never-ending parade of absurdity that is cryptocurrency! You'd think people would be getting tired of these "records" but hey, […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Folks Are Losing Their Minds Over Trump’s Mysterious Ability to Count Past 2 on Crypto Polls

The crypto bros are at it again, this time predicting their precious Donald Trump's inevitable victory thanks to his "pro-bitcoin" stance. Oh please, like the guy […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration depicting an anxious-looking stock market graph with falling lines amidst swirling storm clouds, while below it lies a calm sea representing stability; nearby is a large hand reaching out to lower interest rates as indicated by the decreasing height of water levels. The image conveys uncertainty and potential relief through contrasting elements. A subtle hint at economic turmoil can be seen in the turbulent waves on the surface of the sea, yet they gradually subside with each passing moment, suggesting an impending rate cut that could stabilize markets.

Crypto News

Feds About to Make Another $10 Trillion in Exciting Rate Cuts That Will Totally Change Everything

And so we're back at it again with another thrilling episode of "Will The Fed Cut Rates?" - because what's more exciting than watching grown adults […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a rocket ship blasting off into space while leaving behind a trail of falling coins and dollar signs in its wake; at the top left corner is an image of a rising stock chart. The background features stylized images resembling city skylines with buildings shaped like cryptocurrency logos, set against a bright blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds that resemble money bags or piggy banks. In the foreground are scattered coins and dollar signs in various denominations, some partially buried under debris from the rocket's ascent;

Crypto News

Toncoin (TON): Because Who Needs Actual Value When You’ve Got a Fancy New Platform to Make People Lose Their Money On

The latest price surge in TON is just another example of how easily gullible idiots can be manipulated into buying worthless tokens based on empty promises […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A Brazilian flag-waving bull breaks free from a cage labeled with the words 'ETF' and 'Solana', charging towards an open gate marked 'Brazil'. In the background, other bulls are trapped behind locked gates. The sky is filled with rising arrows indicating growth while in the distance, a giant bear looms over the landscape of despair. A pennant-shaped ribbon flies above the bull's head bearing the number 200 and below it, another ribbon reads $145.

Crypto News

Brazil Poised to Launch World’s First Spot Solana ETF Into the Depths of Despair Where It Belongs

And here we go again with more crypto bro nonsense! A Brazilian ETF for a cryptocurrency that's been trading at an "all time low" (read: still […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration featuring an empty courtroom with three chairs at the front for defendants and one chair on either side. The defendant's seats are filled but their backs turned towards the judge while a single figure sits alone in each of the plaintiff's seats looking back at them. A large XRP symbol hangs from the ceiling above the judges bench, surrounded by fluttering papers with dollar signs printed on them. In the background, people can be seen walking away through doors and windows as if leaving an empty building.

Crypto News

Cryptocurrency Ponzi Scheme Still Not Entirely Immune From Accountability Lawsuits

So it looks like another day, another dollar spent on lawyers for all the crypto bros trying to make their fortunes off this ponzi scheme. The […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoonish graph showing an upward trend in cryptocurrency trading volume; two giant hands grasping each other across a chasm filled with coins of various denominations and symbols representing different cryptocurrencies. The background features swirling shapes resembling digital waves, while at the top, several institutional logos are visible amidst clouds of rising smoke from burning cash notes. In the foreground, a large stablecoin is shown being poured into an overflowing bucket labeled "Crypto-to-crypto trades".

Crypto News

Crypto Madness Ensues as 95% Surge in H1 Volume Proves That Institutions Still Can’t Get Enough of Your Money

It's all about making money off gullible idiots who still think this nonsense will make them rich quick! Institutional interest? Ha! They're just in it for […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A determined-looking figure stands firm amidst a stormy sea with waves crashing down around them. The figure holds onto an anchor that reads "HODL" in bold letters, while nearby is a sinking ship labeled "$15K". In the distance, another wave crashes against rocks marked "$3K", but the figure remains steadfast and unphased by the turbulent waters. A faint outline of Peter Schiff's face can be seen on one of the waves, looking worried as he tries to warn others about the impending doom. The background is a deep blue with flashes of lightning illuminating the dark sky.

Bitcoin

Peter Schiff Still Can’t Get People to Agree With Him Even When He’s Right About the Imminent Collapse of Bitcoin

Well well well! Look who's trying to stir up some drama about Bitcoin investors refusing to part with their precious. Peter Schiff is at it again, […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A cartoon grandma sits at a computer desk surrounded by shopping bags from online stores; her eyes fixed on the screen as she clicks away. In front of her is an open laptop displaying Telegram's Hamster Kombat game window filled with cute hamsters running and playing, while in another tab cryptocurrency prices are shown fluctuating rapidly. A smartphone lies next to a cup of coffee, its display showing various online shopping apps; grandma holds the phone as she scrolls through them.

Crypto News

Russians Overwhelmingly Aware of Cryptocurrency Because They’ve Seen It in Their Grandma’s Online Shopping Cart

Cryptocurrency is all over Russia like a bad rash - everyone's heard of it but nobody actually knows what they're doing. Meanwhile Hamster Kombat is stuck […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a giant roulette wheel spinning out of control on top of Moscow Exchange building with money flying everywhere and people running away from it while St Petersburg Exchange building stands nearby looking calm, as if ready to handle the chaos. The scene is set at night under bright moonlight with stars shining in the sky above. In the foreground, there are scattered banknotes and coins amidst broken glass and debris. A faint image of a cryptocurrency symbol can be seen on one of the flying money pieces.

Crypto News

Russia About to Let You Lose All Your Money in One Convenient Location

Russia wants you all to know it's serious about blockchain now! I mean who wouldn't want their country associated with endless speculation and potential losses, right? […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an old mansion with broken windows, overgrown garden, and cobwebs everywhere, surrounded by nine small buildings each representing one ETF fund; five have lights on while four do not, the sky is darkening. In the foreground, Grayscale's Ethereum Trust (ETHE) building has a large "Sold" sign above it as money flows out of its doors into an open grave with a tombstone reading "$1.51 billion". A ghostly figure in the background holds a candle and looks at ETHE mournfully. The mansion is surrounded by chains, representing confinement or loss.

Crypto News

US ETH Investment Vehicles: Where Your Money Goes to Die and Haunt You for Eternity

I love days like these when even crypto bros can't pretend that their precious 'investments' aren't hemorrhaging value faster than a wounded shark's lifeblood! Grayscale is […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a magician pulling out money from thin air with dollar and pound signs swirling around him. The background is filled with graphs showing economic data in red and green colors indicating rising or falling trends. A calendar on the wall shows September highlighted as it's being pulled towards the foreground by an invisible force, symbolizing the impending interest rate cut decision of the Federal Reserve. In the bottom left corner a faint image of two hands shaking can be seen through a broken glass window hinting at market volatility and uncertainty.

Crypto News

Fed’s Secret Plan to Steal Your Money Through Magic Numbers Looming

I'm not sure why anyone would still be investing their money in the stock market after all these years. It's like playing a game of roulette […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an Egyptian man sitting on a couch surrounded by empty cans and bottles while watching TV. The background is dimly lit but there's a faint glow from the screen showing images of beer advertisements. He looks relaxed with his eyes closed, seemingly enjoying himself. A few Moussy beers are placed in front of him along with some snacks like chips and popcorn. His family members sit on either side of him looking happy and content as well. The atmosphere is casual and laid-back indicating a fun night at home watching TV together.

Bitcoin

Brewers Discover Secret to Making Money: Not Charging for Beer (

You think you can just tap into zero-alcohol beer growth and rake it all in? Well let me tell you something my friends. In a region […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

$301M Flows Into the Neverending Pit of Financial Despair Known as Bitcoin ETFs Because Apparently Someone Has to Keep Funding This Sinking Ship

Another day, another bunch of gullible idiots pouring their money into Bitcoin because they think it's a get-rich-quick scheme. Meanwhile, the rest of us are over […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of a central bank building in flames while people are running away from it holding briefcases, surrounded by smoke and firework explosions; below them is an image of 90% being crossed out. In the background there's a calendar with '2029' marked on one page. A token-shaped coin lies broken at their feet. The central bank building has a sign that reads "BSP" in bold letters, while people are wearing business attire and masks to protect themselves from smoke. There is an image of a clock ticking rapidly above the flames indicating time running out.

Crypto News

Philippines’ Central Bank Plans to Create a Token That Will Instantly Lose 90% of Its Value as Soon as It Hits the Market and Then Everyone Involved Will Be Fired

Another laughable attempt by a central bank to create something that will inevitably fail in spectacular fashion! The Philippines' Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) is planning […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Crypto News

Congressman Calls SEC Chair the Worst Harasser Since Your Aunt at Thanksgiving

The crypto bros are at it again! They can't even get a regulation-by-harassment right without turning on each other. Meanwhile, I'm over here just waiting for […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration of an empty wallet with cash flying out in all directions while being chased after by a giant hand holding a pair of scissors. The background features a calendar flipping to September and falling apart as it does so. A faint image of a person running away from the scene can be seen at the top, looking worried. In the foreground, there is an arrow pointing downwards with a red X marked through it next to some scattered coins.

Bitcoin

Fed Says September Will Be Great Month for Pretending You Have Money While Actually Having Less of It

Well isn't this peachy! The Federal Reserve thinks it's time for another rate cut because inflation has slowed down. You know what they say: "If you […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

An illustration: A party scene with people watching in awe, while someone at the center is holding up two large stacks of coins (one stack has a 'M' on it) and another person next to them holds an oversized check for $8.3 billion; above them are floating 226,500 tiny bitcoin logos arranged like fireworks exploding into the sky with some falling down towards the partygoers who look excitedly upwards at the spectacle. The scene is set against a dark blue background with stars shining through and there's a subtle hint of smoke rising from below to add an air of excitement;

Bitcoin

Microstrategy Buys More Bitcoin Because Apparently Someone Has to Keep the Party Going While We All Watch in Awe

Well, well, well! Looks like Microstrategy is still throwing good money after bad on this worthless cryptocurrency nonsense. I mean, who needs a real business strategy […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Bitcoin

Trump to Save America From Financial Doom With Magical Bitcoin Solution Because Who Needs Facts When You Have a Genius Like Him at the Helm

You'd think Trump would know better than to suggest using a currency with no inherent value as a solution for paying off debt. The guy's got […]

Kevin Nelson August 16, 2024

Kevin Nelson

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