$3K ETH Price Breakout: Still Waiting… Like We All Are for the Apocalypse
The eternal optimists and their $3K Ethereum dreams are at it again! Meanwhile, in the real world, people are actually buying things that have inherent value […]
Kevin Nelson
Nasdaq Thinks You’re Dumb and Wants to Make Money Off Your Bitcoin Fears!
Nasdaq's latest attempt at legitimizing a scam, because what every respectable financial institution needs is another way to enable crypto bros' get-rich-quick schemes. The company has […]
BREAKING: Coinbase CEO Predicts Payments Boom Will Make You Rich (Just Like All the Other Times)
There's nothing quite like a good dose of delusional optimism to start off your day. Brian Armstrong, the CEO of Coinbase (and self-proclaimed crypto visionary), is […]
DOOMED: TON Trainwreck Derails Entire Internet, DOGS MemeCoin Causes Global Blackout (Because Who Needs Functionality Anyway?)
The TON trainwreck continues to chug along, leaving a trail of broken dreams and DOGS-themed merchandise in its wake. It seems that all it takes is […]
BREAKING: Crypto Bro Experts Reveal Shocking Price Analysis – You Won’t Believe What They’re Charging for This Life-Changing Information!
Just when you thought it was safe, crypto bros are back at it again with their 'analysis' of cryptocurrency prices. Let's be real folks, this is […]
Hong Kong Retailers Rejoice! New Crypto Trading Platforms Now Available for You to Lose Your Life Savings!
Hong Kong's Retail Investors Get More Options to Waste Their Money on Cryptocurrency.
YOU WON’T BELIEVE THE SHOCKING NEWS: Nigeria Finally Enters 21st Century With First-Ever Crypto License!
Just when you thought Nigeria's economy was still stuck in the stone age, along comes crypto to give it a nice veneer of modernity! Congratulations are […]
BREAKING: Elon Musk Unveils Groundbreaking Robot That Does Actual Work… Said No One Ever
Just when you thought Elon Musk's tunnel vision (pun intended) on autonomous cars was getting old, he goes and tries to pass off his Optimus humanoid […]
BREAKING: We Finally Found a Bug That’s Not Completely Ruining Your Life, but Only if You Use This One Specific Product
The 'Wild West' of Cryptocurrency: Where Bugs and Scammers Reign Supreme (Again).
YOU WON’T BELIEVE What Happened When the Average Joe Finally Wised Up and Pulled Their Cash Out of That Super-Unsafe, Totally-Unreliable Bitcoin Fund
The Crypto Bubble Pops: BlackRock's Bitcoin ETF Sees Second-Ever Outflow of $13.5M.
BREAKING: Another Excuse for the 99% to Invest Their Entire Life Savings Into a Hope and Pray Strategy
The Never-Ending Saga of Crypto Options: Because Who Needs Actual Value Anyway?.
Bitcoin’s Epic Collapse Guaranteed in 2024… Just Trust Us!
} The eternal optimist's guide to bitcoin: where we take historical trends that say it will tank, but somehow convince ourselves it'll buck the odds and […]
TeraWulf Launches New Bitcoin Mining Facility Because Clearly We Haven’t Solved Global Energy Crisis Yet, Also Wants to Be Best Friends With Tech Giants (Please)
Just when I thought the crypto market had hit rock bottom (which is probably still true), along comes TeraWulf with its latest attempt to convince us […]
TON CRASH: Is Pavel Durov’s Arrest the End of Telegram Crypto or Just a Minor Speed Bump on Road to Riches (Probably Not)
Just when you thought Telegram was all about sending risqué memes and dodgy cat pictures, along comes Toncoin's CEO Pavel Durov getting arrested for data privacy […]
Telegram Founder Pavel Durov Detained, Because You Know What They Say About Free Speech
Just when you thought it was safe to go back online... Pavel Durov's detention has got everyone buzzing like a crypto bro at a Bitcoin conference […]
I Just Lost My Entire Life Savings to a Magic Number on the Internet and I’m Lovin’ It!
PayPal's PYUSD: Because Who Needs a Real Bank When You Can Have Numbers on a Computer?.
BREAKING: Bitcoin Sets New Records of Utter Futility as Top Ten Busiest Days Ever Occur in Year That’s Still Pretty Early, Congrats to All the Suckers Who Finally Figured Out How to Use It!
Crypto bros rejoice! Bitcoin's transaction volumes have reached all-time highs and I'm sure that means it's finally time to get rich quick, right? Wrong. As usual, […]
ETH CRASH PREDICTION CONFIRMED: You Won’t Believe the Shocking Reason Behind 40 Months of Unrelenting Despair (Hint: It’s Not Just a Coin)
The Ethereum slump: Because who needs inherent value when you can have nothing?.
Zuckerberg and Spotify Founder Join Forces to Save Europe From Regulatory Madness, Because You Know What They Say: ‘The Best Way to Predict the Future Is to Invent It… But Only if We’re Allowed To
Just when you thought cryptocurrency was a never-ending dumpster fire of scams and get-rich-quick schemes, along comes Mark Zuckerberg advocating for something that actually makes sense […]
Buenos Aires High Schools Now Teaching Students How to Lose Their Life Savings on Cryptocurrency Because Who Needs Basic Education Anyway?
Argentina's Ministry of Education has decided that the best way to prepare its students for a future filled with crippling debt and economic uncertainty is by […]
You Won’t Believe the Shocking Reason Why Telegram Is Being Hunted by Indian Authorities Right Now
The Cryptocurrency Circus: Telegram Under Investigation in India.
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