Bipartisan Crypto Legislation Imminent 2024 Will Be the Year Your Grandma Loses Her Life Savings
The crypto bros are at it again! They think they can just wave their hands and make the laws of economics go away. Meanwhile, Senator Chuck […]
Doug Martinez
Coinbase Just Realized It’s Getting Played by Crypto Bros and Now They Want Everyone to Know How Much They Hate Regulation
It seems like Coinbase has finally woken up from its slumber long enough to realize that it's being used as a pawn by the crypto bros […]
BRICS Creates New Digital Payment Platform That Will Inevitably Fail to Compete With the Existing Ones and Everyone Will Just Go Back to Using Their Credit Cards Anyway
It looks like the BRICS are trying their hand at creating yet another cryptocurrency that will inevitably fail miserably. Because what could possibly go wrong with […]
Russian Crypto Miners Caught Red-Handed Laundering Their Dirty Laundry
Russian crypto miners are finally getting their act together - or at least trying to. A new bill regulating the industry has been approved by the […]
Bitcoin ETFs Still Somehow Manage to Attract Suckers With $31.16M Inflows on Thursday
I guess some people still think that throwing money at a bunch of computer code is going to make them rich, huh? I mean, come on […]
Ripple Labs Inc Still Not Bankrupt After Another Partnership With Some Japanese Firm That Nobody’s Ever Heard Of
Oh boy, another partnership between some Japanese firm that nobody's ever heard of and Ripple Labs Inc., because what could possibly go wrong with that? SBI […]
Russia’s Quest for Regulatory Sanity Ends in Catastrophic Failure Due to Idiotic Banning of Crypto Mining
The eternal quest for Russian lawmakers to regulate something they clearly don’t understand – this time it’s cryptocurrency mining! Who needs clear rules when you can […]
India Finally Decides Not to Be Totalitarian Regime and Allows People to Make Their Own Financial Choices, Shocking Nobody
So another High Court in India has decided to join the ranks of those who think cryptocurrency isn't a scam for idiots and criminals (or at […]
Bitcoin ETFs Erupt Into 100 Billion Dollar Bubble of Pure Fictitious Wealth
Cryptocurrency: because who needs real wealth when you can have fake numbers printed out by computers? It's not like we've learned anything from history about tulip […]
SEC Stamps Its Foot Down on Crypto Industry’s Wild Party Demands Everyone Just Let Them Get Drunk and Crash Without Any Adult Supervision
The Digital Chamber (TDC) thinks that cryptocurrency should be free from regulation? Give me a break! They're just another group of apologists for the crypto bros […]
Russia Crashes Entire Global Economy With One Bold Move: Stablecoin Regulation Is Now Upon Us
The Russians are at it again! They're trying to make stablecoins cool by using them for cross-border settlements. Because what could possibly go wrong with a […]
Web 3 Gaming Revolution – Because What Gamers Really Need Is More Overpriced NFT Bullshit
Well, well. The future of Web 3 gaming is here – or at least that's what these crypto bros want you to think! They're peddling their […]
Ripple CEO Suddenly Discovers Politics Is Boring
The Ripple CEO thinks he's some kind of hero because he wants bipartisan cooperation on crypto, but let me tell you something - the only thing […]
Consensys Demands Court Declares Software Interfaces Are Magical and Beyond the Grasp of Mere Mortal Regulators
The crypto bros are at it again! This time Consensys is challenging the SEC in court because they think their precious Metamask software interface shouldn't be […]
Dapper Labs Wins Lawsuit Because of Course They Did You Were Always Going to Lose That Bet on NFTs
Ha! You won't believe it. Dapper Labs has managed to secure a favorable settlement in their lawsuit with Friel vs. Dapper Labs. This means that NBA […]
Ethereum Is About to Skyrocket Because of Some Magic Paper That a Bunch of Rich Guys Said Might Be Useful
Let's talk about something truly absurd - people actually believing a cryptocurrency can reach $5,000 because of some fancy-pants financial product. I mean seriously, we're not […]
Cryptocurrency Bro’s Wild Ride: Because Nothing Says Financial Stability Like Betting on Thin Air and Watching Your Money Disappear
It's been another thrilling day for crypto bros as they frantically try to find meaning in their investment choices! US ETH ETFs drew $48.73M on Monday […]
Winklevoss Brothers Demand You Join Their Desperate Cry for Help Before They All Get Wiped Out
The Winklevoss brothers are at it again with their non-stop attempts to make the crypto industry mainstream and gain some respectability for this clearly scammy business […]
Blockchain Apocalypse Unleashed Abu Dhabi’s Blockchain Center Will Single-Handedly Destroy the Global Economy and Bring About a New Era of Crypto-Fueled Chaos
The Blockchain Center has finally opened its doors in Abu Dhabi, because what every city needs is another overhyped hub for wannabe blockchains that will inevitably […]
SilverGate Burns Itself to Ashes After Trying Too Hard to Be Cool and Now Everyone’s Laughing at You
Crypto's latest victim is a reminder that even those who have made it out alive from this wild west era still can't escape the consequences. When […]
Venture Capitalists Suddenly Realize They’re Rich Enough Not To Bother Investing In Anything Anymore Because That’s Just How The Game Is Played When You Have Daddy’s Money
The VC firms have slowed down their crypto investments, but it's not like they're abandoning ship or anything (oh wait, maybe they are). According to Adam […]
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