Buckle Up, Buttercup! Regulators Finally Notice the Train Wreck That Is Uniswap and Decide to Get on Board!
Crypto: Because Nothing Says 'Financial Stability' Like a Wild West Free-for-All.
Doug Martinez
You Won’t Believe the Utterly Revolutionary Breakthrough That Will Change Starknet Forever: VOTING ON a BLOCKCHAIN THAT STILL WRECKS THE PLANET WILL NOW BE FREE
Starknet's latest attempt to make cryptocurrency sound slightly less terrible: gasless voting on a blockchain that still sucks up as much energy as a small power […]
$12 MILLION DOWN THE DRAIN: Meet the MEV Bot That Proved Luck Is Actually Just a Myth
MEV Bot: Where Luck Goes To Die A $12 million flash loan taken out by an MEV bot only yielded a paltry $20 in profit. Because […]
What Happened When We Let Elon Musk Run the Country (Spoiler: It Was Already on Fire)
The only thing more laughable than a government efficiency commission is Elon Musk trying to run one. I mean, who better to audit the federal budget […]
Billionaire Space Lord Announces Plans to Save America From Itself, Again
You know who else thinks they're a genius when it comes to reforming governments? The Crypto Bro's favorite libertarian hero - Elon Musk. That's right, folks! […]
BOMBSHELL! India Considers Allowing More Offshore Crypto Exchanges, Because Who Needs Regulation When You Can Just Import the Problem?
}The never-ending saga of India's cryptocurrency conundrum continues! It seems like the country can't make up its mind about whether to love or hate crypto. One […]
Blockchain’s Last Stand: Desperate Crypto Titans Flock to ‘DeRec’ Alliance, Admitting Their Chains Are Held Together With Twine and Hope
Hedera and IOHK join forces with other crypto companies because they're finally realizing that their precious blockchain is about as secure as a kindergarten playground fence.
When Web3 Finally Unites… Under One Catastrophic AggLayer That Will Probably Destroy Us All – Polygon Labs CEO’s Genius Plan Revealed!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in Web3 land... Along comes Polygon Labs with their grand vision of unifying all blockchains under […]
The Most Earth-Shattering Development in Crypto History: Another Blockchain Is Coming and It’s Going to Change Everything (Possibly)
A New Synthetix App Chain? Who Cares?.
Crypto Bro Genius: Friend.tech Admins Transfer Control to Null Address, Token Price Obligingly Plummets by 26%
The crypto bros strike again! This time it's friend.tech, a social media platform that thought they could just magic up some value where none existed (sound […]
Pavel Durov: The Guy Who Still Can’t Stop Blaming Everyone Else for His Problems (And Now He’s in Parisian Hot Water)
Yes it's Pavel Durov again, because who needs actual accountability when you can just blame everyone else for your problems? The man is still trying to […]
Vitalik’s Genius Investments: Donating Crypto Yields Better Returns Than Actual Investing (Because Who Needs Financial Literacy Anyway?)
Just when you thought Vitalik Buterin was a genius for creating Ethereum (spoiler: he's not), comes the revelation that his charitable efforts yield better returns than […]
The Most Epic TPS Frenzy EVER: Ethereum Scaler Claims 12K Transactions Per Second (But We All Know What’ll Happen Next)
Yeah right, because what we really need is another Ethereum scaler trying to be the 'first fast' one. Like it's a competition or something. Rushi Manche […]
Magic Eden Segregates US Users Because Who Needs Equal Treatment When There’s Money to Be Made?!
}The great NFT segregation of 2024: because what's a little bit of censorship when you're trying to make money off gullible idiots? Magic Eden is at […]
STACKS SMART CONTRACT Frenzy Hits NEW HEIGHTS as You’re About to Care Even Less
There's a new high in crypto 'excitement' - not that it matters.
Hold Onto Your Hats Folks! Chatbot Predictions Are So Bad They’re Good: Harris vs Trump in a Battle of AI-Generated B.S
It looks like we've got another bunch of useless predictions from those overhyped chatbots that think they're smarter than humans. Newsflash: AI is still just as […]
BREAKING: FBI Issues Urgent Warning About Crypto – Because Apparently Some People Still Haven’t Figured Out It’s a Giant Scam
The FBI's latest warning about North Korea's cyber attacks targeting crypto and defi is a stark reminder that only criminals use this stuff for real. I […]
$16 Million Down the Drain: Hypernative Proves Yet Again That Throwing Money at Web3 Security Is a Genius Idea
The never-ending gravy train that is cryptocurrency funding rounds! Another day, another $16 million dropped on a company called Hypernative, because what could possibly go wrong […]
GET READY FOR THE MOST AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING FINANCIAL CRASH OF OUR LIFETIME! Bitcoin DeFi TVL to SOAR PAST Ethereum’s in a MIND-BLOWING 2 YEARS!
The eternal optimist - always predicting that things will get better and more people will fall for this scam.
The Most SHOCKING Takedown of Blockchain Bungling You’ll Ever Read! (Spoiler Alert: It’s Not Good)
The Block Explorer Blues: A Descent into Crypto Chaos.
BREAKING: California Court Deals Crushing Blow to Crypto Enthusiasts Everywhere – $1k Daily Withdrawal Limit Upheld, Dreams of Instant Riches Shattered Forever!
Well it looks like those crypto kiosk operators are finally getting their comeuppance! A California court has upheld the $1,000 daily withdrawal limit for cryptocurrency ATMs […]
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